Another Waiheke Bus Company foul-up

Dear Sir,
Saturday's bus to the 8:00am ferry sailing arrived at Matiatia just in time at 8:10am to see the ferry disappear over the horizon. The bus driver took an inordinate amount of time to complete the route with the result that half a dozen people were late for work that morning. No apologies, no explanation, hell, not even a free coffee while we had to wait close to another hour for the next ferry.
Please re-edit your schedule publications to include: "All buses will meet ferries, eventually, but it may not be the one you planned on getting."
Sincerely,

Sex and sport in the news

Sports training and male bonding as proxy for Sex.Ed.101:

"Young hopefuls tackle taboo issues head-on: On day two of the NRL rookie camp, the focus was on attitudes towards women and "managing social sexual encounters". Or as one player put it simply: "How to treat women."
The discussions in the workshop were open, raw and honest.
Penrith's Garrett Crossman said the players participated with enthusiasm. "As an NRL player, especially as a young bloke, it was a great seminar," he said. "There was a lot of frank discussion about some situations people got themselves into and what you should do. It was an eye-opener. [...] All the workshops make you aware of your responsibility to the game. It's more than just strapping on the boots and playing a game of footy."

And then, after the prize giving, this:

"The Newcastle Knights NRL club last night sacked one player and issued fines totalling $50,000 following a drunken rampage in a university dormitory in the NSW town of Bathurst at the weekend.
After two days of investigations and a marathon board meeting that stretched into last night, the Knights terminated 20-year-old Dane Tilse's contract for conduct "contrary and prejudicial to the club and the NRL".
Newcastle officials announced 12 players had received the largest fines in the club's history following the breach of a 3am curfew in which club members allegedly rampaged through a dormitory at Charles Sturt University in Bathurst after a trial game on Saturday night.
One un-named student described on radio how a player allegedly assaulted a student as she slept.
"He then went back towards the door, saw her on her bed face down, climbed on top of her, straddled her and began to touch her inappropriately," she said
Police were yet to receive an official complaint and said they had no evidence to support claims of an indecent assault.
During the disturbance, a fire extinguisher was let off and a bicycle was damaged."

Now here are some coaching games for all you budding football coaches out there that need to get the sexual energy and the demon seed out of their charges, without the involuntary involvement of sleeping females. (Of course, Dane Tilse can fondle me whenever he wants when I'm sleeping)

Patriotic pissers

There is a new way of recognising Bush voters in Belgian public urinals: those who can't piss cos their little soldier is too preoccupied with the sticker of Beloved Leader glued to the urinal wall. It would sure give me a soft-on, but Republicans and other members of the 101st Keyboard Brigade will be spending inordinate amounts of time in the bog now. Full story in the Weekly Standard, thank you, Peter.

God is a Republican?

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Auckland and Waiheke Island politics

This week's prize for stupidest political comment goes to Waiheke Island Community Board Member Herb Romaniuk, who, in his criticism of the proposed rate rise by Auckland City Council, said (I paraphrase the report in island newspaper Waiheke Week):

"This Council has a hidden political agenda."

Well hello, Earth to Herb? Councillors, representatives, elections, policies, politics, campaigning, manifestos: do they not ring any bells? What does Mr Romaniuk think Councillors should do instead of having political agendas? Let me guess: being part shareholder in developments unwanted by the locals.
The proposed rates rise of 11% is of course an outrage, but then a taxation system based on a feudal relic that lays a levy on the amount of land and/or the dwelling you own is a priori dodgy.
So this is what we'll do:

Hon. Chris Carter
Minister of Local Government
Government Buildings, Wellington

Dear Chris,

I am sure you are being inundated with protests by outraged citizens re: the proposed rate hikes in the wind in Auckland City and most probably elsewhere too. The Auckland City Council is currently controlled by your philosophical allies City Vision, so you may not in principle object to much of what they propose (even though it was not exactly spelled out in their manifesto, Candidate Hucker said rates increases should not go over a few percentage points on top of inflation, while Mayoral Candidate Dick Hubbard didn't commit himself at all), but rumblings in the suburbs, and on our island, are biding Labour ill for the upcoming national elections and that should be of concern to you.
As Minister of Local Government, why don't you put your thinking cap on, and try to unravel this unholy mess that the property tax system to finance local government has become. Surely a more rational, equitable and plain simpler system is imaginable and politically realisable?
How about a local income tax system, where a percentage of the local income tax take gets transferred back to the local government, say, 1 or 2%, or even a percentage of the local GST take mixed in with it. This is much more affordable for people who live on fixed incomes but find themselves rated out of their homes due to relentless revaluation of their property upwards by the local authority.
For a country of only 4 million people I find it curious that there is such a huge amount of local government (regional and district councils, city councils, community boards) with its attendant raft of politicians and bureaucracies. Why are local services not organised nationally with the advantage of economies of scale, such as roading (which should all be in the care of Transit NZ and not divided up between state highway and local pothole maintenance) and a host of other council activities that could either be locally privatised or nationalised or abolished altogether such as housing, cultural festival subsidies, parks and commercial activities such as parking buildings.
By all means, keep the community boards at the lowest level to transmit local concerns and wishes, to consult with when larger infrastructure is proposed and to allow control over local planning.
Change in this area would be be a worthy legacy of your time as Minister of Local Government.
Yours,

UPDATE Monday 21 Feb: Fraser Colegrave from Covec made the same point, but more eloquently, in this morning's Herald.

A nouveau New Zealand flag

The flag debate has been rumbling for a while but is now gathering some steam with the launch of a petition to get a referendum on the issue of changing le drapeau.
beNZylpiperazine contributed their own design:

I quite like it, cos of all those anarchist connotations: all that red and black! (Not that those libertarian boys have any anarchist leanings) Luckily there is no white in between - too Wilhelmine Germany that particular colour scheme, and it's a bit unfortunate the Maori independence flag shares those characteristics.

How you know a teacher from a homosexual terrorist?

Easy. A teacher uses a red laser to point at the blackboard. A homosexual uses a geen laser to point at hotties at nightclubs and occasionally at incoming planes to blind the pilots, in which case he becomes a terrorist. In a "news" story, two gay men, driving in their Mini Cooper - such a GAY car (I got one, see left) - were apprehended by cops and cuffed on suspicion of pointing a green laser beam at a police helicopter.

“Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop," says Garcia. “Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list." [...] In recent years, pocket lasers have become increasingly popular at gay dance clubs. Paco Garcia explains that club-goers often use the green laser pointers to add to the excitement on the dance floor. "When you see a buff guy, guys point pocket lasers on him. That way he stands out and he knows that we think he’s hot," explains Garcia.

You reckon the car cops were jealous of their chopper colleagues because the laser beams were not aimed at them? Maybe eating less donuts and working out more in the gym would increase their chances of being zapped by the gay laser beam.

The 045 bus trip

I took the 045 bus from Pt Chevalier to Downtown for the first time over its full length of the route. It was a Monday morning, in rush hour, so the first stretch was not so much blocked with traffic as popular with bus punters eager to get on and off along the route. Hitting Great North Road, you could see the point of having a separate bus lane, even though it was used by so many buses that some were forced to get into the traffic proper to overtake at bus stops lest they be stuck behind another bus. Climbing up hill to Grey Lynn, it was a pleasure to by-pass at least 300 metres of queueing cars. Then we came to the rather ridiculous bus stop configuration at the Surrey Crescent shops. Some buses go downtown via Williamson Ave while other continue down Great North Road, forcing potential bus passengers to gamble which one will come first because the bus stops are not within walking/running distance. It's living proof that people who design bus travel, stops and routes don't themselves catch buses to work. Great North Road has its "buses only" lane but it quickly becomes a free for all the closer we edge towards the Ponsonby Road interchange. Result: Queues at the traffic lights in all lanes. Solution: equip bus drivers with PXT-capable phones so they can instantly send offenders' carplates to a database and dispatch an infringement notice and fine that arrives at work before the offender does. Easy. Costs 50c.
The slowest bit is, of course, down K Road and Queen Street. Why are there no bus lanes where they are needed most? One of the mysteries of public transport planning in Auckland. Result: painfully slow progress in heavy traffic - total time taken from Ponsonby Road to Downtown is more than half the total route time. Why not make Queen Street and Albert Street one way for cars (like Hobson/Nelson Streets) with bus lanes in each? Too easy?

The Big Gay Out

The annual gay meet and greet fest was on again yesterday in Coyle Park, Pt Chevalier. A chance to catch up with friends, old friends, trade, one-night-stands and new acquaintances, a bit like a giant sexual networking extravaganza, but in daylight hours. This year with extra frisson due to a religious protest by local Baptists, who insisted on preaching to the incontrovertible, or whatever the label is for those that will burn in hell anyway. A bit sad really, because if they were smart about things like marketing their beliefs to the naked and the tattooed, they would be running a stall like all the other assorted businesses touting for the pink dollar. I guess that would attract less TV crews in their wake, but hey, having a TV crew in tow at the Big Gay Out is so last year.
We were too late for the Prime Minister's speech, she was off with the Swedish Prime Minister to a nature sanctuary later in the afternoon. Mayor Dick Hubbard kissed a drag queen, trying to make up for his naive gaffe over signing a letter opposing the civil union bill and being nasty to gay parents in general. I'm not sure whether he succeeded in righting past wrongs.
Highlight of the afternoon was, apart from getting another date (by txt, no less!) with my fuck buddy whom I hadn't seen for a while, and a community karaoke country singing event with the Topp Twins. I asked the Toppies whether they would consider running for Mayor again next time, and their answer came in the form of what they told Mayor Hubbard:

Watch out for your job next time, Dick!

In all, it was a colourful and relaxed afternoon in the park, gorgeous boys and gorgeous men, hell, even gorgeous drag queens: big shout out to Miss PollyFilla, who got the crowds rocking and dancing like Cher, and the scary black-clad one wearing an "Enough is Enough" t-shirt.

Meanwhile in the good ole US of A

You think he likes Condoleezza [not Basmati] Rice as Secretary of State?

"If her flappy fucking lips are moving air through those gap-teefes, it's a sure bet she's lying like a Persian Carpet."

The God, Dollars and Guns Alliance

Don Brash, Tama Iti and Brian Tamaki all in one picture: if this is a picture of the political alternative coalition on offer for this year's election, I don't think the Labour Government has much to fear.
Brian Tamaki, God party leader, hiring Tama Iti to shoot the faggots, sanctified and financed by Dr Don?
Possible programme platform to include income tithing instead of income tax - with set quota for Destiny Church?

Religion Kills

A form of religious circumcision holds "inherent risks" for babies, the city health commissioner said yesterday.Dr. Thomas Frieden's comments came the day the Daily News reported that his agency is investigating whether an infant who died of herpes last year contracted the disease from the rabbi who circumcised him.

Apart from the horrors of female circumcision (a.k.a. genital mutilation), where is the campaign to ban this barbaric child abuse posing as religious observance? Here.

I reckon a lot of strife, hysteria, fundamentalism and mental illness by religious, "born-again" men can be traced back to their circumcision. In Scandinavia, the Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, New Zealand - all those countries featuring proudly on the secular list - cutting boy dicks is a big no-no. But that's my socio-psychological theory anyway.

Ferry terminal upgrade

From Auckland City Council:

Passengers and motorists should look out for changes to the Downtown Ferry Terminal over the next two weeks, as stage one of the $10.5m terminal upgrade reaches completion and services move back to Pier 1.
The upgrade is being managed by the Auckland Regional Transport Network Limited (ARTNL), in which Auckland City is the majority shareholder.
Motorists, visitors and passengers should watch for signage showing new pick-up and drop-off locations and changes to vehicle and pedestrian traffic movements around the terminal, as Pier 2 closes to allow for stage two of the terminal upgrade to begin.
As of Wednesday 9 February public drop-off and pick-up areas, motorcycle and bicycle parking and taxi ranks will move permanently from Pier 2 across to new areas on Pier 1, says Simon Laird, ARTNL’s transport and operations executive.

The Waiheke ferry terminal on the city side has been for years an absolute disgrace. Marketing Waiheke as a boutique, upmarket destination has always been an uphill battle because confronting first-time and foreign visitors with Pier 2 always causes no little embarrassment. There never were any facilities on that wind and rain-swept creaking outpost in the harbour, the shelter sheds usually reeks of urine and the whole ambiance (from slashed seating to chaotic disembarking and embarking) always gave the ferry terminal an African flavour - my apologies to any African ports where ferry passengers are treated better than in Auckland. The only things missing are the chickens and livestock waiting to be transported.
The really insulting aspect is the fact that ferry passengers pay a "wharf fee" on top of their tickets, which in reality is a "congestion charge" - you pay for the usage of a transport infrastructure on top of the fare for the actual transportation method. This also makes the ferry trip one of the more expensive ones in the world, although this is caused in large part by the lack of competition and the iron monopolistic grip of Stagecoach/Fullers.
In all, the planned improvements look good on the plans, but why can't I shake off a nagging that says we will be whacked with another dose of fare/fee/wharf charge increases to pay for it all. "Koru Club" facilities and perks for season ticket holders ($245 per month!) will no doubt be too much to ask for in return - Fullers objects to even using the milk on board for your home-brewed coffee.

A planned crackdown on vehicles causing pollution could leave poorer drivers without transport

Via Stuff:

Local Government New Zealand says a Transport Ministry proposal to introduce emission standards will disadvantage people least able to afford to bring cars up to scratch. The group supports in principle the move to reduce air pollution, but calls for more emphasis on the resulting social effects. It says improved public transport would be needed in areas hardest hit by the crackdown.

Like all that sounds like a bad idea? Cutting out the bombs from clogging the roads would be a good start, in my opinion, closely followed by the removal of child drivers by upping the driving age to where they can actually afford 3rd party insurance. This would instantly create a market for public transport usage, cut out the traffic problems that are exacerbated every time the school term resumes, and more walking/cycling by young people would decline obesity rates too. All pluses, really.

More news from home

Belgium is celebrating its 175th birthday this year (which makes it about 5 years older than New Zealand) and a state-owned radio station launched an invitation to listeners to update the lyrics of the national anthem, called La Brabanconne and it goes thusly:

O dierbaar België
O heilig land der vaad'ren
Onze ziel en ons hart zijn u gewijd.
Aanvaard ons hart en het bloed van onze adren,
Wees ons doel in arbeid en in strijd.
Bloei, o land, in eendracht niet te breken;
Wees immer u zelf en ongeknecht,
Het woord getrouw, dat ge onbevreesd moogt spreken:
Voor Vorst, voor Vrijheid en voor Recht.

Translated (loosely, freely):

Oh dearest Belgium
Oh holy land of our fathers
Our souls and our hearts are dedicated to thee.
Accept our heart and the blood in our veins,
Be our goal in labour and in combat.
Flourish, oh country, its unity indivisible;
Always be thyself and proud.
The word loyalty, that you can speak without fear:
For Sovereign, for Freedom and for Law.

Now the adapted version by the public, called De Belgitude:

De regen valt weer,
waar ben ik toch gebo-o-ren?
't Spijt me God, dat ik u ambeteer,
maar, help, de haan kraait, de leeuw spitst boos zijn o-o-oren:
onze lat-relatie rammelt, Heer.
En toch kunnen wij elkaar niet missen,
te veel is trop en trop is te veel;
geef dat ons Manneken nog lang blijft pissen
en bak de frieten maar goudgeel!

Translated:

It's raining again,
what's this place I've been born in?
I'm sorry, God, for bothering you,
but, help, the cock is crowing and the lion angrily pricks up its ears:
our "LAT"-relationship is ramshackle, Lord.
And yet we can not bear to be apart;
too much is trop and trop is too much;
Please, ensure our Manneken will piss for a long time
and the frites will continue to fry golden!

Well, it amused me a great deal. I wonder if non-Belgians would get the fun, but here are some pointers: the cock is the symbol of the Walloon (French) speakers and the lion represents the Flemish (Dutch) speakers. They've been living in this artificial Victorian (our first king was Queen Victoria's uncle) construct and never really gotten on, linguistically, religiously, socially, culturally, economically and politically. How it never actually split up is a mystery, but "too much / trop" trouble gives a clue. And of course, we all love our Manneken Pis and our Belgian fries.

Death of the Single

Via JockoHomo, an interesting essay - in, of all places, the Daily Torygraph - on the demise of the single record.

"The art of the single was never really about the song. It was about the trouble you took to find it, the walk to the record shop and the effort involved in copying the lead singer's hairstyle."

Searching, finding and buying a 7-inch record was always more than just for the pop song that it contained. It was a pure fetishistic pleasure contained in the package - the more outlandish the format/sleeve art the cooler! Remember all that coloured vinyl (white was always my favourite), the textured sleeves, the double hole in the record so you could play it eliptically too (the band Non on Mute Records if I recall correctly), the newspaper sleeve (Public Image Limited - no, you can't make me an offer, I'd rather sell my boyfriend instead!), the British small holes compared to the continental big ones (stop sniggering, in the record hole divisions smaller was always far cooler than big), picture sleeves which were always special in the UK while it was standard issue on the continent. I got obsessed by some small record labels, such as Rough Trade and Small Wonder Records (and even Mute), and collected as much as I could. Needless to say, 25 years later I still got them all.
It all went wrong when record companies discovered all these goodies could be used as vile marketing tools to extract coin from punters who simply had to have everything that was released by their favourite popstar. Now everything comes down from your 'puter to your i(diot)-pod in one easily charged for file. Boy, am I glad I don't have to be young these days.

Oh Canada

Canada is debating the legalisation of same-sex marriages.

"Nevertheless Roman Catholic groups in Canada have joined with others including Muslim and Orthodox Jewish groups to lobby against the bill."

As usual, the Coalition of the Circumcised (CoC) is ranging against it.
So expect religious terrorist attacks against a range of countries where the new Sodom is being established. Countries conspicuously absent from the list: Australia, Japan, all other OECD countries and all countries where the CoC rules.
Forget about the little squabbles in the Middle East between the adherents of the three desert religions. They are but a sideshow for the real future World War IV showdown against secular, enlightened and rational societies.

Chinese visit Auckland Traffic Management Centre

Transit New Zealand welcomed an 11 strong delegation from the Anhui Province of China, who recently visited the Traffic Management Unit (TMU) in Auckland. The group was on a fact finding mission to view ITS transportation technology, particularly the adaptive signal control systems and the bus priority systems.
They also visited the Transit ATTOMS Traffic Management Centre run by TMU and were impressed with the integrated traffic management approach. The group was hosted by TMU manager Stephen Burnett: "China faces unique challenges to its mobilisation of ITS technology, not least because they have four bicycles for every car. They also face the daunting task of needing to construct some 200 Traffic Management Centres within the next five years."
Presentations were given on Transit's use of fibre optic architecture, Sydney Coordinated Adaptive Traffic Signals (SCATS) and optimisation on routes in Auckland, as well as on the Northern Busway project including a presentation on bus signal priority systems given by Auckland City.
"We have much to offer in terms of technological development and actively encourage relationships that can lead to the exchange mutually beneficial information and business opportunities," says Joint Executive Group chairperson Joseph Flanagan.

Bus priority systems? In Auckland? My bus simply never fails to hit every red traffic light going. If there are any "green waves" out there to keep traffic flowing, they are certainly not adapted to bus traffic since it always has to stop at bus stops and always misses the green wave.