Voting in Scotland

Ah, they took note of my suggestion of having regional options in the UK election quiz. So here is my updated result:

Who should I vote for in Scotland?

	Labour 13
Conservative -54
	Liberal Democrat 41
UKIP -49
	Green 8
	Scottish National Party 57
	Scottish Socialist Party 34

You should vote: Scottish National Party

The SNP is broadly left of centre. It supports the Euro as being the national currency rather than sterling, but does not support the European Constitution in its current form. The party supports progressive taxation, student grants and the abolition of tuition fees. The SNP approach on soft drugs is more relaxed with a focus on treatment rather than punishment of hard drug users. It supports debt relief and CO2 emission reductions.

This result is a far better reflection of my own expectation of whom I would vote for if I lived in Britain. I'm more supportive of the EU constitution than the SNP or SSP, but you can't expect everything from a party.

Green Wing

The last episode screened last night here in NZ, and the series had me giggling inanely every Friday night for the last 2 months. A bit more surreal than "Teachers" and refreshingly devoid of any American sitcom morality plays, it just ended literally with a cliffhanger, and had me wracking my brain for the name of the third Musketeer too!
Bring on the next series, guys.

2005 Autumn collection

Catwalk by Dolce & Gabanna.

Thanks, BoysOwn.
It sure is good to be a guy.

Say Ahhhh

I had my annual medical the other day, and a booster shot against hepatitis A and today I'm getting a flu vaccination. Normally I'm not into things medical or pharmaceutical, but if you are in good health, you usually take it for granted and don't think about anything that may lurk asymptomatically.
It was also a chance to catch up on the latest medical stuff I am interested in, such as pandemics. Influenza is an obvious one. Dr Roy was not optimistic about it, he was outright concerned about it. He reckoned it will be a matter of little time before another of those gigantic flu epidemics will sweep the world and the grim reaper will visit many people sooner than they may have expected.
I remember my grandmother talking about the Spanish Flu of 1918, which killed more people than World War I. It's amazing that such things don't really stay in the popular memory or myth for long, unlike man-made disasters such as world wars (and their endless commemorations). I mean, history goes on about religious wars in the middle ages, but the really big thing was the 1348 Plague. And not much of a squeak about all that. The same thing with flu epidemics that visit us regularly(-ish).
In all, back to today, I was pleased my cholesterol levels were way down from last year, so bring on the pancakes and cream again! And being a vegetarian (of a sort), it did suprise me I was not anaemic or lacked B12 vitamin. So, rude health and I only need to do 20 minute exercises thrice weekly. Are you volunteering to help me out there? I won't hurt, unless you want me to.

The philosophy test

Another one of those internet tests one used to find in women's magazines, or worse, Reader's Digest. (Thank you, Berlin Bear)

The Philosophy Test.
You scored as Hedonism. Your life is guided by the principles of Hedonism: You believe that pleasure is a great, or the greatest, good; and you try to enjoy life’s pleasures as much as you can.
“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!”

Nah, too simplistic, I'm not that shallow a queen.

The world's worst song

(via Peter)
Here's my entry:

"Come on Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners.
The rhythm is perfect for drunk morons who can't dance even when sober. The lyrics shouted by said drunk morons at dreadful parties give me a worse hangover than cheap liquor.

Add your own worst song ever.

Blah, blah, blah, police email contains porn, blah, blah, blah

What a croc of aberrant queer nonsense that issue is. You get spammed with porn email at work. Big deal. Everybody gets it. Just deal with it. The Delete key is visible on keyboard.
And as for losing confidence in the police because of a few well-formed ladies in their email box, I say we may have lost that confidence a long time ago for not doing anything soon about mafia/gang drug dealing and crime.
Maybe those gangs spammed the cops with XXX emails in order to "incriminate" them. They're a dab hand at lots of things.
Rape Crisis is going all Andrea Dworkin on this issue. One piece of advice, girls: cheap censure and admonishments won't help anyone's cause, just leave the sanctimonious sermonising to Panzer Ratz.

Bavarian former member of the Hitler Youth and Inquisition CEO won Pope Idol

"He has described homosexuality as a "tendency" towards an "intrinsic moral evil."

Something happened on those Hitler Youth camp outings after lights out?

"At the age of 14, he joined the Hitler Youth, as was required of young Germans of the time, but was not an enthusiastic member."

Sullywatch really puts the boot in:

"Try to imagine one of those many alt-history worlds in which the Axis won, and one gets the feeling that Ratzinger would be Pope (and his predecessor, let us not forget, a smear of fat on a concrete floor) without anything about him being appreciably different."

American Economy Not Tanking (But Pushing And Pimping)

Despite an almost 500 point drop in the Dow last week, the American economy is hardly on the skids, according to a book review of Martin Schlosser's Reefer Madness: Sex, Drugs and Cheap Labour in the American Black Market in The Guardian.
Some highlights:

- Americans spend more on illegal drugs than on cigarettes.
- While the nation's largest legal cash crop, maize, produces about $19bn in revenue, "plausible" estimates for the value of marijuana crops reach $25bn. [...] the drug is now the country's largest cash crop.
- Hardcore pornography in the shape of videos, the internet, live sex acts and cable television is now estimated to generate around $10bn, roughly the same amount as Hollywood's US box office receipts.
- Americans spend more money at strip clubs than at Broadway, regional theatres and orchestra performances combined.
- The total number of illegal immigrants is estimated at about 8 million and many are being paid cash in a shadow economy. [...] The advantages to the employer are clear, most notably in LA county, where an estimated 28% of workers are paid in cash.
- the shadow economy will continue to thrive as long as marijuana and pornography remain illicit.

The answer - as in getting it into the legal economy rather than remain tax-free, subject to police corruption and in mafia/gang hands - is to legalise all those industries. How else are they going to fund their fiscal deficit? The issues are hot here too, with the local newspaper running scary gang stories about the drug industry.
Link via Billmon

Gluttony weekend

It was one of those lazy, Indian Summer, still, blue sky, balmy weekends New Zealand is rightly famous for this time of year. A feast was made from a big pheasant caught in the vineyard nets, then lovely marinaded in local red wine, preceded by freshly harvested island oysters and a bottle of bubbly. Surely paradise was meant to be like this.
Even watching television afterwards didn't seem too bad or arduous. Off Centre was on, normally a fairly moronic US teen sitcom, brought to you by the producers of the American Pie film series, but this week featuring a thing that poked my interest: a nude male gym. Now this would get me to pay attention to my physique situation and urge me to improve on it. But, helas, I have not found any gym that fulfils my requirements of being able to exercise as the Greeks and the meaning of their word gymnasium have intended. I'm no sweaty lycra gym bunny, yuck!
In a future episode, the "British" lead character (Sean Maguire, that lovely Irish football laddie on EastEnders a decade ago) will have his possession of a foreskin questioned in said gym. As a good Irish lad, we can be almost certain his meat was intact in reality. The transcript complete with commentary on what the circumcision terms mean is here.
Why are American males so jealous of everything they can't have?

Something for the weekend, Sir?

This caused me to almost wet myself when reading it.

"When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you! It's perfectly safe so long as he keeps it inside his pants. You can grab it, stroke it, squeeze it, or rub yourself against it like a fevered dog. Trust us, he won't mind a bit! Simply continue to rub, squeeze and fondle your faith partner through his jeans until he promises to marry you. It's that easy!"

Sex Ed at my school wasn't half as much fun! And, I swear to God, I shuddered to read what faith-fucking is. But Anal Abstinence and Cluster-Trusting are a hoot!
(via Patriotboy)

New look blog, let me know what you think, and have otherwise a pleasant weekend.

No Ass, No Tail

If the US armed forces want to remain top cop in the world, they will have to seriously give thought to abolishing that strange policy where you can serve in the military but only if you are inside a sexual closet. Recruitment is way off its target figure and 10,000 service personnel has been drummed out due to those silly politico-sexual games. The News Hour with Jim Lehrer had, as usual, an excellent report on the issues.
So what happens when they bring in the draft? You no longer need to flee to Canada, just come out?

British election

Soon we'll have an election too here in New Zealand, but this is what one of those quizzes tells me I should vote for if I was in Britain:

	Labour 4
Conservative -39
	Liberal Democrat 44
UK Independence Party -34
	Green 2

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Maybe a rather predictable outcome, but I lean more to the Scottish Socialist and Scottish National Parties (more small countries, please) but they were not an option in the survey.
Luckily, in New Zealand, we can split our vote, which makes he electoral dynamic rather different than under a first past the post system.

But am not just an inner European

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Sport is politics

Missed out on the Springbok tour protests? Fancy not getting clobbered over the head but use a 21st century method to register opposition to a sporting event? You can sign the online petition against an upcoming New Zealand cricket tour of that African democratic paradise Zimbabwe here.

Low life update

Ageing rentboy who manslaughtered ageing queen loses appeal. Again: may he be the butt of all inmates in gaol.

Bus and ferry companies could be forced to open their books to public scrutiny

(via Stuff):

"A review into procurement rules by Land Transport New Zealand (LTNZ) is considering asking operators to prove they are not making excessive profits.
The potential shake-up is being welcomed by some Auckland politicians, who claim companies should be held to account for the tens of millions of dollars they receive in subsidies.
Joel Cayford, chairman of the Auckland Regional Council (ARC) transport policy and Regional Land Transport committees, says authorities are frustrated at the lack of transparency.
"At the moment we're in a very difficult situation, because the procurement legislation means there's no open book policy. There are concerns around that, if you look at our ability to require a certain service level in exchange for subsidies."
He says the ARC is happy about operators making a reasonable profit, but wants to be confident profits are not being made "hand over fist".
"As the cost of providing bus services goes up and as more and more services are being provided, then it's going to be more and more necessary for there to be some degree of disclosure and transparency to ensure fairness all around."
Bus and ferry procurement has previously been guided by the Transit New Zealand Act (1989), which has competition as a main objective and has no requirement to disclose financial details. But this is giving way to the Land Transport Management Act (2003), which prioritises best value for money.
The hard-left Residents Action Movement group has been pushing for bus operator Stagecoach to reveal its profits since last year. RAM representative and ARC politician Robyn Hughes says the company should adopt a more open approach in exchange for receiving public subsidies.
RAM organiser Grant Morgan believes the review is a step in the right direction, but should incorporate public consultation and hearings. "We have had too much going on behind the scenes."
LTNZ is setting up a working party to include bus and ferry operators and regional councils, and expects to announce its findings before the end of the year."

I find it incredible that this transparency is not there as a matter of course and has to be requested (or forced out of them). If subsidies are awarded in an opaque manner it will only breed corruption and contempt.
This proposed transparency requirement doesn't actually go far enough because any public transport organisation in Auckland that doesn't get/want a subsidy can't be scrutinised for any allegations of gouging customers - I'm thinking here of ferry users forking out what must be one of the highest ferry commuter fares in the world.

Ceci n'est pas une frite

Keeping the Belgian flavour this week. The country is celebrating its 175th anniversary later this year with a mass Burgundian culinary feast featuring the national dish: mussels and fries (frites, frieten, but never French fries, we invented the stuff, so there). Unremarkable, you would say, just as the French celebrate Bastille Day with champagne and the Americans give thanks for staving off starvation.
But you didn't count on the Belgian knack of making things needlessly complicated and difficult - something else we have invented. It's reported (in Flemish only, unfortunately) that the mussels would come from Zeeland, as they have always done and always will since Belgium doesn't have any mussel farms, but we do know how to cook them. The trouble came with the frites, where they would come from and who would fry them, all 5 tons of them. The National Association of Frites Fryers (Navefri, I kid you not) demanded the artisanal right to fry the celebratory load of frites and its 5,000 members offered to cook them for free. No problem, but a Walloon minister could only approve the delivery of Walloon potatoes if their provenance could be traced to individual farmers, god only knows why, we're not dealing with mad cows here. Impossible, said the organisers, and they proceeded with ordering 5 tons of frozen fries from Canadian deepfreeze multinational McCain.
So there you have it: the Belgian national dish: Zeeland mussels with Canadian fries. No-one can dispute it's globalisation in practice.

Latest spunk

Mum called up last night to rave about the latest Belgian cycling sensation, Tom Boonen, who won the Paris-Roubaix cycle race on Sunday. Cycle racing is one of the Belgian sport obsessions, you must have heard of Eddy Merckx. I dare say Mr Boonen looks quite the spunk. Hope he can stay off the juice.

Another one we are pleased to see the back of

Anti-pornography crusader Andrea Dworkin has died.

Funeral, wedding, birth - it's all happening this week

Watching all the media coverage on the Charles-Camilla marriage, the death of Prince Rainier, and the announcement of a third child for Princess Mathilde of Belgium, I thought it surprising that the TV stations from republics (i.e. France and Germany) had much more coverage than the BBC. Of course, the British royal family are German and the Grimaldis are the French royals by proxy - or at least via Paris Match - but monarchies seem to be a bit better at the PR game than presidential systems. Not that I'm a monarchist as in a political constitutional arrangement, but it seems to me like clever marketing: the changing of the guard at Amalienborg in Copenhagen looks so much better than at the Elysee Palace in Paris.

You think they'd be done for false advertising

A local Sunday newspaper spotlit this new business venture a few weeks ago and now, as any small business, they set up their website (cheers Shadow Footprints) to attract new punters. But the Naked Gardener is not really what you expect, i.e. doing your weeding and planting and mowing and sowing in the buff. No, they wear Speedo-like underpants, which is all very fetching, but it hardly deserves the tag naked. And the excuse they come up with, that it's against Occupational Safety & Health rules to do the business sans-culottes, is really lame.
It seems that if you want to do some naked gardening, you have to do it yourself.
Do you think this trend of naked tradesmen will catch on? Here are the Naked Carpenters, Naked Cops, Naked Builders, Naked Wal-Mart Greeters, Naked Rugby Players, more Naked Rugby Players, Naked Drivers, Naked Boaties, Naked Soldiers, more Naked Soldiers, Naked Truck Drivers, Naked Burglars, Naked Thiefs, Naked Nazis, Naked Prisoners and Naked Chefs.
All links are via Les Nouvelles de Nudeness and are worksafe!

Eulogy

A eulogy for the Great Late One you would not have heard at his Requiem mass.
It's in English this time, not Latin. Not that I mind Latin, it just irks me that an institution like the Catholic Church has usurped that great pagan language and bastardised it as its own. Those cardinals at the funeral could have put a bit more conviction in their diction of "mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa".
Johann Hari's charge sheet against Pope JP II:
- soft on fascism, hard on socialism
- promoted the spread of Aids
- covering up and denying child rape
I'm not optimistic that the next pope will be any better on those scores.

The book reading meme

Everybody seems to get this (I sure hope chicken flu won't be as rampant):

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?

"A Confederacy of Dunces" by John Kennedy Toole. Just simply the funniest thing I have ever read. It is such a shame it wasn't recognised as such when he tried to get it published and caused his suicide. It convinced me that New Orleans is really the only American city worth visiting. (Something on the to do list). The book is in "The Great American Novel" category.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
I always had a bit of a soft spot for the actor Mark Greenstreet, who played the lead role(s) in the BBC serial based on "Brat Farrar" by Josephine Tey, but the book was crap.
More of a turn on than a crush on is "Siggi", a sextoon character by The Hun.

The last book you bought is:

"The Embarrassment of Riches" by Simon Schama. I was very curious how a non-Dutch person would get under the platitudes and cliches surrounding the stoop-washing, clog-wearing, money-hoarding 17th Century Dutch, and it is a marvellous and riveting read for anyone interested in cultural, social and economic history.

The last book you finished is? The one I last bought.

What are you currently reading?

"Civilization of Europe in the Renaissance" by John Hale.

Five Books you would take to a deserted Island?
- Anything edited and written by Boyd McDonald, a literary hero I take inspiration from for the "Sex in the news" blog entries. He collected news items with salacious content from obscure local newspapers to comment on. Great fun! As one his readers said: I've never laughed so much with a roaring hard-on.
He also ran for years a magazine called "STH Straight To Hell: The Manhattan Review of Cocksucking", for which he asked readers to contribute their true life sex stories. Many items were later edited into a series of books with titles such as "Sex", "Filth", "Lewd" and "Scum". You can read a few stories before buying them, which I highly recommend you do. You'll never read a porn mag again.
- an atlas, with pages that update automatically
- the internet (and I don't mind if it's a no-graphics, read-only connection)

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
- Joe, of JoeMyGod, because he not only knows how to read but to write too;
- Peter McL, of DubDotDash, because he will enjoy this;
- Mark Simpson, to go through his vast library.

Sex in the news

news item:

"Drunken ramblings through a women's barracks and an indecent assault have led to six months' detention and dismissal from the Army for a young soldier.
Private Shannon Haimona Goldsmith, 20, faced a court-martial at Linton Camp on Monday over a series of incidents at Waiouru on June 11, 2004."

Will this be used to argue an increase in the drinking age back to 21?

"Goldsmith pleaded guilty to one charge of indecent assault, three of failure to comply with written orders (that male personnel stay out of the women's barracks) and one of drunkenness."

Don't they teach these soldiers how to get a date when they are not drunk?

"Captain Harding read an agreed statement of fact in which Goldsmith admitted climbing into bed with three sleeping women, one of whom he touched indecently."

No mention whether he managed to fumble his wiener out of his regulation boxers, or what "touching indecently" means. In my experience with drunk males, they just want to slobber all over you and tell you how much they love you before falling down and start snoring.

"The woman, then aged 18, woke and told him to get out. He stumbled from the room, calling her a "slut" and a "skank" before collapsing in the corridor and going to sleep."

Par for the course, what did I tell ya? Interesting projection of epithets he labeled the women with, I hear it's normal to call them "lesbians" if they don't want to put out.

"The woman used her cellphone to take his photograph to use as evidence."

Hmmm, bet that would beat the monkey business on the Vodafone ads.

"Goldsmith woke the next day in his own bed, claiming to have little memory of what had happened."

When that happens to me I always check whether I'm still wearing pants. I think the prosecutor failed in his duty to establish this detail. Further background to the case:

"Captain Harding said that, on "payday Thursday", Goldsmith went drinking with friends after dinner and returned to his barracks drunk. In the early hours, he entered the women's barracks, where four soldiers shared each room, and committed the offences."

Those antics didn't prevent some South Island pundits without girlfriends to indulge in some female barracks fantasies of their own.

"The woman he admitted indecently touching made a victim impact statement in which she said that since the assault her self-confidence had been shattered and was she seriously considering resigning from the service.
In arguing for a prison sentence, Captain Harding said Goldsmith's actions should not be dismissed as the drunken antics of a young man.
"It is far more serious than that," he said. "His drunken state was no excuse. It might explain his actions, but it does not condone them."
Duncan Harvey, representing Goldsmith, said the actions had been completely out of character for his client.
"Whilst alcohol was not a mitigating factor, it does explain what happened," he said."

My sentence would be: publish the cellphone picture on the internet, and a course in speed dating in a booze free venue.

Trust the Jacobins to make a stance

French leftwingers are causing a flap for objecting to the lowering the Tricolore in tribute to the the Late Great One. They argue it's a question of separation of state and church. Especially after the ban on headscarves and other ostensibly religious symbols in public schools, it's quite hypocritical to honour a dead head of a church is such an ostensible state-sanctioned way.
The Most Serene Republic of Surfdale has also not lowered its flag because it does not recognise Vatican City as a sovereign State as it's an imposter that should be thrown out of any international body it currently sits in.

BBC World Service radio back on air in Auckland

After four days of silence, the relay station is back on air. Phew, withdrawal symptoms were beginning to create havoc. There is really nothing else to listen to all day and night unless you prefer brain rot.

When I'm elected Pope

I will:
- personally visit each country on earth and hand out free condoms - hell, I'll even put it on you snugly if you have trouble doing that;
- personally oversee the recruitment, training and duty assignments of the Swiss Guards (possibly even commission new designs for their uniforms, but they look already fetching, don't you think?);
- spend a larger part of the Vatican budget on commissioning new art works, in the grand tradition of Pope Julius II, who in discovering Michelangelo and Rafael, did more to the attractiveness of Catholic Church than the creation of 200+ new saints by the Great Late One;
- abolish celibacy, bring in compulsory sexual education lessons in seminaries, and promote safer sex among the clergy (or with the partners of their choice, aged 16+, of course)

Sex in the news

News item:

"Former Christian Heritage Party leader, currently working for Christchurch police as a prosecutor, Graham Cappill pleaded guilty to fiddling with a girl under 12 at a pyjama sleepover party."

I await the moralists to demand a ban on heterosexuality.

Monaco to be ruled by one of us?

In a never-ending series on my obsession with small nations, from Monaco the news that Crown Prince Albert has taken over the government as regent from his father, Prince Rainier III, due to the latter's ill health.
Monaco is one the more glamorous city states, and there can't be enough of those. Film star princesses such as Grace Kelly, and wild children like Stephanie and Caroline, what would the women's magazines be without them. Really, republicanism is far too drab to get any imagination fired up.
Now the really interesting aspect is the tiny fact that Prince Albert, aged 47, is unmarried. Prince Rainier has changed the Monegasque constitution to allow succession even in the case of no offspring. And the French News even alluded long-standing rumours Albert is a "homosexual".
If you're going to rule a camp kingdom, you might as well be a queen.

Update: His Serene Highness, Prince Rainier III, has died. We're flying the flag half mast.

Update: His Serene Highness, Prince Albert, has a bastard son. So he can't be homosexual, OK.

Don Chapple has died

Just forget about Mrs Schiavo (RIP) and the Pope (will somebody RIP out his tube, please?), the saddest loss last weekend was Don Chapple. A sprightly pensioner who, for over a decade, has been restoring native trees and plants on a large reserve "Atawhai Whenua", the gateway to Waiheke Island. Every passenger arriving on the rock sees his work that is growing strong. You can get a sense of his achievement in the timelapse photographs of the Matiatia area. A lifetime work that will be enjoyed by the next 100 generations of islanders and visitors. Kia kaha, Don, your land looks alive and beautiful.