Autumn

Summer is truly over for this year with the first of the autumnal storms last night. We had 102ml of rain at 10pm and another heavy burst overnight, which definitely broke the drought that we've been suffering on the island since the end of January. Good for our rainwater tank, garden and fishpond. Ewen knows all about the rainfall because he has a rain gauge in the garden.
The storm has not been as bad for us islanders as it has been for Northlanders, but the ferry trip home last night was pretty hair-raising. The stiff nor'easterly storm tossed around many passengers on the Quickcat, many of whom got a good soaking, and a few looked as if they were silently praying they wouldn't bring up their lunch before they got to Waiheke. I've never been seasick in my life, thank Poseidon, but I have been scared on the ferry, especially when its hull starts creaking when it shudders into a bow wave. We got safely ashore, but it hasn't been as bad as this for a long time.

Against tradition

Not being content with only banning some age-old male soldier on soldier nookie, what with classical Sparta and Athens being all the rage at the cinema these days, the United States Marine Corps is now going against that other traditional aspect of military life: the tattoo.

"The US Marines are banning the wearing of large tattoos, saying they do not represent "traditional values".
From Sunday, tattoos on the head or neck, or large tattoos on arms or legs will not be allowed. Marines already with the tattoos are exempt.
Unit commanders will photograph and document all existing tattoos to make sure Marines do not touch them up.
Dozens of Marines are reportedly queuing up at tattoo parlours to beat the deadline."

And good on those grunts beating the deadline. My message to their command is: Au contraire, mon commandant, tattoos very much represent traditional values in the military. Who has ever seen soldiers or sailors without tattoos?
Trying to ban it seems a folly and will be counterproductive for recruitment into the the largest taxpayer-funded BDSM club in the world. If you want to find hard men, you have to give them means to express their hardness.
Now that database of marine tattoo pictures would make serious money as a pay site, especially if it will feature full front and back body shots, leaving no skin exempt from scrutiny, and offering subscribers the opportunity to make suggestions where the tattoos should be touched up or re-designed. As a taxpayer you would want some say over how your soldiers go into battle.
The USMC policy document is here.

WHO: cut hets, not gays

A long proposed policy of recommending circumcision among men in sub-Saharan Africa to "lower the rates of HIV infection risk" is now on the cards of being formally recommended policy because

"Three African trials have shown that circumcision halved the rate of HIV infection in heterosexual men."

Only halve? So it's still a huge leap of faith to base public health policy on a set of guidelines, starting with the deliberate mutilation of males, followed by all the necessary standard practices of safer sex (condom use, delayed sexual activity and partner number reduction) that the cut male has to apply too. Never mind that all those precautions are sufficient for the intact male to use to prevent getting infected.
So I don't really see any need for circumcision, a medical intervention usually not practiced in the best hygienic circumstances in a tropical African village. I don't think we need to add to the African infant mortality rate, do we?
How it would protect women is a big question too. Will they feel safer when approached by a cut male? You have to be pretty stupid to think you're not at risk when you can't see a foreskin.
And how many condom packs would a circumcision operation buy?

I've blogged about this before, and I haven't changed my mind one bit.

Sex in the news

The fascination with cop sex isn't over yet in New Zealand. Hot on the heels of the past rape court cases, the newspapers, here and overseas, were full of reports of home-made videos of "cops having group sex in a sadomasochistic style with a willing woman":

"The image of New Zealand Police has taken a fresh battering, after a video tape emerged apparently showing three officers engaged in group sex.
A woman who appeared in the hour-long video unearthed by the Sunday News has said on another occasion she acted the part of a "victim" during a "controlled rape" sex-role play with an officer.
The encounter captured on film reportedly took place in 2001, although the woman claims she engaged in group sex with police from the mid-1990s until as late as 2003, sometimes while the police were on duty."

No wonder the middle classes were shocked (SHOCKED! I say) to hear their favourite boys in blue getting up to non-Presbyterian sex play, but for us who think the police are doing their best to give group sex a bad name, it's all a bit ho-hum. We'll reserve judgment until the video appears on YouTube.

What is interesting is that the group sex play alluded to involving cops is always of the "multiple male plus single female" variety. Any healthy straight boy fantasising about group sex always think of pleasuring several girls (as in the "Two Girls For Every Boy" song), not sharing one with his buddies. So is this particular form of group sex typical of buddy systems like the police (and other examples like football clubs) and that group sex, i.e. watching each other fuck, essentially serves to encourage male bonding instead of being about sex per se?

In an ironic twist, the SPCS (Society for the Protection of Community Standards) wants the video to be classified by the Chief Censor. Never mind it was not made for distribution nor destined for the festival circuit but made for the privacy of the cops' home, so I'm not sure whether Censor Bill has any powers here anyway.

Happy golden anniversary, European Union

Fifty years since the Treaty of Rome was signed by the six original EEC members. It is now now a proud beacon for many people around the world, an example of how to go about nation building and establishing democratic institutions. Be it the former fascist Mediterranean dictatorships or former communist Eastern Europe, there was really only one path forward: join the EU - meaning reforming your society along western, secular, democratic and pluralistic lines - or be doomed to be stuck in a morass of social, economic and cultural stagnation, whether you are nostalgic Serb nationalists, malodorous Flemish racists or bigoted Polish homophobes.
Now when is New Zealand joining?

Bloody British foreigners

A sarcastic but rather sad Vanity Fair column on British expatriates living in New York, painting a very unflattering picture of Englishmen in New York behaving rather like the erstwhile British Raj in India but with worse personal hygiene habits than the Victorians.
One extract rang a bell with me:

"British men can be identified by their cropped hair, which they shave to obscure their genetically endemic premature hair loss. They imagine it gives them a street-hard look. Most Americans think they look like gay Marines with deformed ears."

This is exactly what I felt Americans thought of me when I visited San Francisco for the first and, thankfully, only time. You can't but feel a foreigner in America, it's safer that way. You really don't want to fit in with their homogeneous style, attitudes and tastes.
I think I would rather look like a gay marine with deformed ears than having to be one for real in Iraq.

Link via Andrew Sullivan, who, of course, would rather be dead than be considered British.

Happy 4th anniversary, dudes

We know it's been a hard slog, slaving your asses off in the desert for us.
But it's good to see that in the end it has all been worth it.
3,000+ will not have died in vain now that you can enjoy a pool party at Saddam's place:

Tip from Gay Porn Blog

Sex in the news

BBC News:

Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear.
Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth. [...]
Police found Mr Refael in the Israeli embassy compound where he had been found bound, gagged and naked apart from sado-masochistic sex accessories.

The lurid details were apparently all over the Israeli media and were met with all the moralistic shock horror a story like this can muster. Check especially the Haaretz reader reactions, some are a hoot:

"The ambassador in question refused to comment on the incident saying there is a "gag" order on the story and theres nothing he could do because "his hands are tied". He also added that this whole episode has caused him "pain" since the story first "hit" the press. He added that he deserved to be "punished" and is ready to "submit" to any punishment meted it to him."

What made me laugh was that he didn't file any complaint with the local police. Considering the rather gruesome history of the El Salvadorean police paramilitary non-consensual SM games they used to play in earlier decades, I'm not surprised.
But what is intriguing too is that he was found inside the embassy compound. Knowing that Israeli buildings around the world are a paragon of security, it would be inconceivable a local dominatrix would have gotten in undetected to give the ambassador a dozen licks of her finest. So it must have been an inside job, I hope the media will dig a little deeper into this. Or was it all gone in the diplomatic bag

The bacchanalian bolthole

The Australian newspaper did a travel piece on Waiheke Island. All very fluffy and puffy as you would expect from a mainstream travel magazine aimed at a middle class audience mostly interested in hard drugs like wine and high property prices as a social indicator of personal worthiness.
If you ever make it this far, we'll show you a very different Waiheke: nude beaches where you can let it all hang out; World War II bunkers ideal for a party; the best pizza in the southern hemisphere and an exploration of your undiscovered desires.
Bet that scared you right off!

Shave a leg

A commercial survey (by Gillette) has found that a quarter of Auckland men are shaving their legs. Also, JAFAMs (Just Another F***ing Auckland Metrosexual) spend the most on grooming products.
In my opinion the only things a guy should shave is his head, face, balls and arse. Shaving legs is for girls - so there's my contribution to Blog Against Sexism Day.

The survey also reveals that more Waikato men have shaved their groin area than their counterparts in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin combined.

Wow, that's a lot of baldies down there. Love it! Wags will say a shaved groin will avoid friction when making love to an un-dagged sheep, but we're not that mean.

Un Peu Plus de Lumière

The Auckland Festival AK07 started last night with a grand and truly spectacular pyrotechnics event from the French Groupe F, who not so much created a lot of bangs in their fireworks but rather subtle visual atmospherics with a subdued white and gold colour palette in their hurls, gas flames and walking fire sculptures. All with a magnificent sound track, partly played live.
The venue in the city's Domain park was very well chosen, with the natural volcanic amphitheatre landscape of the area giving excellent support to the sometimes violently eruptive displays.
It certainly reminded me of Archaos, a "heavy metal circus", which did similar contemporary updates of the circus cliche. Groupe F update the same-old same-old fireworks displays, the usual colourful big banger stuff trotted out on any occasion.
The beautiful thing about it too was that it was a pure performance where you had to be present. It can't be packaged, commodified and marketed as a product because there is simply nothing to buy - apart from the soundtrack but that's as useless as buying a film soundtrack to get a total film experience. It can't either be put on video because no matter how big your plasma TV is, it just can't cover the grandeur.
Extremely highly recommended if they are ever in your area, and best of all, it's free.

In naked aerobics, when the music stops, not everything does

After all that terrible news of rape, murder, earthquakes and plane crashes, at last some good stuff: the nude gym has arrived. I have mentioned before that the only gym membership I would consider taking out was with a gym that practiced the Greek principles: nude and men only, and now a gym in the Netherlands has opened special nights for that particular purpose (although women are allowed too).
The men who turned up at the launch faced a media barrage, especially from foreign news media who obviously have never seen anyone naked before.
A classical Greek gym was a place where clothes were a big no-no for a reason: it showed up all the flaws in your body, you could not hide anything like you can with well shaped gym clothes, so it spurred athletes on to do better. Of course it also served as a meat market for the older Greek gentleman to pick and choose their favourites for special treatment and support, but I think that is a far better tutelage system than most current family structures. Mentoring of boys has never been the same since the ancient Olympics were abolished.
The Dutch newspaper, where the picture is from, did an amusing report (unfortunately in Dutch only) in which a 60-year-old naked gym bunny said he was proud of his body and it looked better than those of his sons-in-law. The gym owner said the only time they would interfere was if someone stood suspiciously too long on the vibrating machine.
In all, I say, the more the merrier and may nude gym franchises bloom out there.

Sex crime trials leave trail of semen

Interesting, if somewhat depressing, jailbird stories lately:
1. Three cops were on trial for rape, found not guilty. Two of them get banged up again because they were serving for another pack rape already. Third one stands by his rapist mates thick and thin and thinks that qualifies him to get his job as police chief back (to much laughter from the cheap seats). They used police batons and whiskey bottles during the rape of the teenager. This was the age before Viagra after all. Probably the only stiff things that were handy. Limp police cock is not my favourite.
2. Prisoner involved in aforementioned pack rape has semen smuggled out of his cell to impregnate his wife with it. It would be fun to imagine one of the prison punks kept it in his mouth or ass and while on daytime release dumped it at the wife front door with the milk bottle and the newspaper. But a more probable scenario is that the wife got knocked up by one of his associates and so she had to work out an elaborate plan to make the jailbird believe it's his sprog. A freshly released man coming home to find his wife preggers does not a happy homecoming make and usually ends in an increase in the recidivism rate.
3. Parole board releases nutter who put up a believable case, then goes on murder rampage and has his leg shot off. He preferred to have had a bullet in the head. Now the hangers and floggers, like the Police Association, say prisoners facing claims of misconduct or criminal activity should be treated as guilty until proven innocent. This is akin to asking atheists to prove there is no god. Kneejerk into the groin masquerading as populist public policy.

Are you tough enough?

UKTV started broadcasting the BBC series "SAS - Are You Tough Enough?" in which members of the public, who have something to prove to themselves or others, go through a 10-day simulated SAS military training session. Never mind the test period is far tougher for real soldiers who wish to join that regiment, the amateurs still kept dropping like flies. Nothing like some real SM games to spice up your life, I suppose.
The star of the show is, of course, the Scottish drill sergeant Eddie Stone, who never has to raise his voice to bark orders, but who was surprisingly coy in his assessment of why women were really unsuited for the SAS. All down to anatomical and physiological difference between the genders, apparently. None of the band of brothers / buddy bonding stuff you would really have expected as a justification.
And there's not enough of presenter Dermot O'Leary with his shirt off for my liking (pictured - and mentioned on a long list of Britons, who are gay or have caused the anti-gay movement a lot of damage. I'm not sure what category he fits into, but I wouldn't kick him out of my bed).
He should have joined in the fun to give a first hand report of the experience rather than sitting snugly on the sideline. He should make a reality TV show one day about the soldiers who moonlight as gay porn stars. Would he be tough enough for that? Or will he have to call in assistance from Mark Simpson for that assignment?

Hide the salami

An email from the NZ Food Safety Authority arrived at lunchtime:

The New Zealand Food Safety Authority (NZFSA) is looking to develop a New Zealand standard for producing Uncooked Comminuted Fermented Meats (UCFM), such as salami.
The move comes after NZFSA identified a number of instances where butchers and processors were unaware of essential manufacturing procedures that ensure the microbial safety of UCFM products.
UCFM products primarily contain beef and pork meat, salt, nitrite, glucose, spices, seasonings and ideally a starter culture (to assist fermentation).
The ingredients are mixed and comminuted (reduced in size) to produce a batter. The mixture is then stuffed into a casing, fermented and dried (and sometimes smoked) to create the end product.
If the fermentation, maturation and drying steps are not undertaken correctly, there are risks of contamination with harmful microbial pathogens.
NZFSA recently assessed existing data and information on the way UCFM products are made and whether procedures adequately controlled microbial pathogens, in particular shiga toxin-producing Escherichia coli (STEC).
STEC can be found in raw meat used in UCFM product – although in New Zealand these STEC levels are generally low. The assessment showed that, in a small number of butcher and processor premises, the control levels may be insufficient.

Forgive me for barfing up my lunch after reading that. They know I prefer my meat live, erect, red and throbbing.

Nigeria's homophobic laws: what you can do

Peter Tatchell, that indefatigable icon of gay activism, reports that Nigeria is busy passing one of the world's most explicit and far-reaching anti-gay laws:

"The bill is primarily concerned with banning same-sex marriage, but its sub-clauses go much further. They will strip lesbian and gay Nigerians of their already limited civil rights. The bill outlaws almost every expression, affirmation and celebration of gay identity and sexuality, and prohibits the provision of sympathetic advice and welfare support to lesbians and gay men.
Violations will be punished with an automatic five year jail sentence.
The draconian measure will outlaw membership of a gay group, attending a gay meeting or protest, advocating gay equality, donating money to a gay organisation, hosting or visiting a gay website, the publication or possession of gay safer sex advice, renting or selling a property to a gay couple, expressions of same-sex love in letters or emails, attending a same-sex marriage or blessing ceremony, screening or watching a gay movie, taking or possessing photos of a gay couple, and publishing, selling or loaning a gay book or video.
Even mere socialising by two or more gay people could be interpreted as illegal."

He advises to:
- Email your protest to the Nigerian High Commissioner in London or the Nigerian top diplomat in your own country (for Australia and New Zealand, email the Nigerian High Commission in Canberra)
- Since Nigeria is a member of the Commonwealth, please also email the Commonwealth Secretary-General (New Zealander Don McKinnon), urging him to press the Nigerian government to scrap the new anti-gay law.
- Remind both men that this homophobic bill enshrines severe, illegal discrimination and is a violation of Nigeria's commitment to uphold international human rights law.

This sort of thing requires some imaginative responses. So this is what you should do too: every time you get a Nigerian scam email, reply that the sender has deliberately contacted a gay person and offered large pots of money and is thus guilty of breaching Nigerian law.
As an addendum add a picture of yourself in a lewd pose, kissing a member of the same sex (or worse), and tell them you have forwarded it on to the Nigerian police with an outline of all the new laws they have broken. You may not get much more scam mail after that!