Queenie wipes fundamentalist arse

All of us who want to give one back to all those intolerant, ignorant, dangerous fanatically religious pricks, here's a story that will warm you:

"Hate preacher Abu Hamza has refused any more treatment from his prison nurse after finding out the man is gay.
The nurse, nickname Queenie, has been helping to wash and dress the convicted terrorist for more than two years."

Give this man a medal for bravery!

"Officers at Belmarsh jail are said to be surprised Hamza, 48, has not noticed before."

Not only dumb, but deaf and blind too.

"The nurse is upset about it. He has spent the last couple of years doing everything for Hamza, even wiping his bottom."

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to touch that man's arse with my bargepole. Another OBE, Queen Lilybeth! Nay, even a VC for bravery venturing into hellish holes and live to tell the tale!
And the last laugh?

"Hamza has been refusing treatment while he is on duty but he won't be able to keep that up because it is causing him a great deal of discomfort."

Priceless. We look forward to hearing from Queenie how Hamza got on with wiping his own arse using only that pirate hook. Go, Queenie!

Eden Project goes biblical

One of the more interesting places to visit when you find yourself in Cornwall, apart from the Lost Gardens of Heligan, is the Eden Project.
It's a major tourist attraction of the eco-kind, which we visited in 2003. (We recommend going early in the morning before the bus loads of pensioners arrive and don't let you get a look in at the tearoom).
Now, apparently, the Project have gone the whole Edenesque way with a day for nudists to visit, and of course the ever vigilant English tabloid newspapers couldn't resist throwing some cheeky humour around. The Sun sent off one of their more photogenic hacks to report on the event bare-cheeked (see picture). Unfortunately all written in the Carry On style so beloved by tabloid readers.

I imagine the enjoyment of the environment there works really well in the nude, some of the pods are quite tropical in temperature and when we were there it would have made sense to shed all our clothing, especially in the tropical pods. I mean, if it was good enough for Adam & Eve it should be good enough for us atheists.

This blog is safe to read for 18 year olds - bless 'em

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
* gay (22x)
* porn (6x)
* queer (4x)
* sex (3x)
* crap (1x)

The joy of internet searching

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Entertainment at rugby to be banned

The only thing going for rugby these days is the unofficial on pitch entertainment of streakers invading the ground before kick-off. These entertainers invariably raise a cheer among the crowds which are otherwise depressed at the thought of another dreary rugby game.
Now the Government (under pressure from the rugby management) has imposed stiff fines of $5,000 for anyone being on-field unauthorized.
Another reason not to renew my Sky Sport subscription.

Other sports which have been livened up by streakers: cricket, snooker, Aussie Rules Football.
The world's number one prolific streaker has a website and an ASBO for his efforts.

On the other hand, who needs streakers if you can have specimen like Patrick Kearney running on the field:

Picture via Towleroad

Daddy, why did you become a heterosexual?

The peculiar American culture war raging about the origins, purpose, sinfulness and complexity of homosexuality is amusingly surveyed by Duncan France, who describes himself as a "self-evident" gay man, in his article for New York Magazine.

From phrenological observations of hair whorls and ring finger digit lengths, to gay penguins who do a u-turn the next breeding season, to what makes lesbians have limbs as long as those of straight men (and aren't into casual sex but potluck dinners), it's an amusing overview of how scientists are trying to come to grips with what makes a guy lust after guys (and their female equivalent), how to spot one, and - more sinisterly - how to possibly cure one using prenatal screening for the (as one scientist let slip, "wrong") sexual orientation gene settings.

It's a rollicking read which will make you check your hair whorl, digit lengths, left-handedness, 3D spatial reading ability and your sibling birth order: all indicators on which I score as straight - so much for phrenology then.

If I had a methodological quibble with one of the research projects it would be this one:

When shown pornographic videos, men have an undeniable response either to gay or straight images but not both, according to sensitive gauges attached to their genitals — it’s that binary.

In my opinion many gay men get aroused by straight porn too - as long as there is a guy in the scene. Far better would have been to measure the response to gay porn and lesbian porn. Straight men love some good girl-on-girl action (many would call that "self-evident" too, as a quick ask round of my straight friends has confirmed) while that wouldn't stir any gauges attached to my (or gay mates') loins.

In all, my beef is not so much with the way those scientists want to find out about my sexuality and sexual orientation - I am pretty comfortable with who I am. If it was found I was born that way, so be it. And if it is a matter of choice, well, if I had to go back in time I would make the same choice again.
I would rather scientists spend their time a little bit more productively by researching what makes guys straight, because heterosexuality seems to me a much bigger source of social unrest, deviancy, delinquency, war and unhappiness - and curing this would make the world a better place, not only for homosexuals but their girlfriends too.

Some good news

Green MP Sue Bradford has launched a Bill to lower the voting age to 16.
This is good news because, as we have discussed before, it is a step towards aligning adult responsibilities with adult rights. It doesn't make sense that you can have sex and marry, work and pay taxes, drive and commit crimes - all adult rights - but you can't vote on how those taxes are spent (or watch a porn movie).
The period of childhood, as defined by society, is far too long and needs to be shortened to line up with biological, social and economic realities. There is a good summary, albeit for the US, which has an even larger infantilization period of its young people, here.

What global warming will put a stop to:

Winter in New Zealand - I keep dreaming.

Another reason to support Amnesty International

The Vatican issued one of its edicts (a few hundred years this could get you burnt at the stake) banning all support for Amnesty International because of its policy to support women's choice in their reproduction.
Not that the Vatican has ever supported AI anyway.
Most Catholics these days thankfully completely ignore church teachings on sexual issues. And so they will continue to support human rights defenders around the world.

New Zealand ruling Satan's empire

An interesting map (via JoeMyGod) comparing the GDP of individual American states with overseas countries, showing how large (or small) state economies are: California = France, Indiana = Denmark, Massachusetts = Belgium.
I'm quite pleased to see New Zealand = Washington DC. Helen Clark would make a good replacement for the current Commander in Chief there.

They are aiming at my profile

From Craiglist, a job advertisement:

Seeking full charge Editor for new high-end, affluent gay weekly focused on mainstream politics, business, science, art, and sports, and gay sports and local culture.
The magazine is the gay version of The Economist mixed with New York Magazine, and will be started on a very small scale, but grown quickly into multiple national editions.
Candidates need to have degree from top college or university and an educational or work background in Politics and/or Business.
If no prior experience, candidate must prove capabilities in pre-interview.

A blended magazine incorporating The Economist and New York Magazine would suit me just fine. Mark Simpson could be the sporno and metro editor.

Sea Stallion to return to Dublin

As an addendum to our holiday, when we visited Roskilde in Denmark recently, the local Viking Ship Museum was busy working on a project to make an authentic journey by restored viking longboat from Roskilde to Dublin and back.
You can follow the Sea Stallion project's progress online here.
We saw the ship being rigged and prepared for the voyage when we were there and it's expected to set sail on July 1 and return next year.
I'm not sure I'd be keen to man the oars, but I do think it's a magnificent project to show how skilled those Vikings were in voyaging the seas and oceans so long ago.

Scary stuff

Why did President Putin bring along Satan (far right in the picture) to the G8 Summit in Heiligendamm?
Mrs Putin wore a dress worthy of copy at next year's Moscow's Gay Pride. Deep red and spiky. Skirt slightly too tight and jacket slightly too short. But what an arse!

Piss poor policy

A Wellington man was convicted last week of importing DVDs which contained banned scenes of what the newspaper report coyly called "urophilia". I could see the Wellington matronly paper readers reaching for their dictionary and choking on their morning tea when they found out that it simply means watersports, or piss sex.
When a previous Tory Government re-wrote the censorship laws in 1993, they included a list of sexual activities that could never be depicted in videos with impunity (not even the "art" defence was allowed for). You have to imagine how this policy was put in place: the PM asked all cabinet members to list the sexual activities they found yuckiest, and hey presto, a new law limiting the freedom of expression was written.
Never mind that piss sex is actually not a crime in real life, unlike putting it on film - in sharp contrast to a whole list of crimes, from fraud to fashion disasters and murder, which can be portrayed with impunity on nightly television.
It's what you get when you vote in Tory Governments with an authoritarian and illiberal streak. It was no surprise Jenny Shipley and Ruth Richardson were part of that Government. They especially enjoyed pissing on the poor.

I got this back from the NZ Censor's Office after checking with them:

You may be interested to know that this Office, Internal Affairs and the Ministry of Justice proposed removing this clause from the list of automatically objectionable material when the law was amended in 2005. The reason was that since the activity was not a crime in real life it did not belong with a list of serious real life crimes (child abuse, rape, torture). The government introduced the amendment but Parliament rejected it.

The select committee report read:

"Use of urine or excrement in publications

We recommend the deletion of clauses 4(2), 4(3) and 5 to preserve the status quo. Clause 4(2) sought to delete section 3(2)(d) of the Act. That section ‘‘deems objectionable’’ a publication that promotes or supports or tends to promote or support the use of urine or excrement in association with degrading or dehumanising conduct, or sexual conduct. Instead, this matter was to be inserted by clause 4(3) of the bill into section 3(3) of the Act as a factor to be given

‘‘particular weight’’ in determining whether a publication is objectionable.

The relocation of section 3(2)(d) in the bill as introduced was based on the fact that the matter it describes is not in itself a criminal offence, unlike all the other matters listed in section 3(2). While we can see the rationale for this, we consider it in the public interest for a publication to be deemed objectionable if it contains a matter or matters in the existing section 3(2)(d). Clause 5 is no longer required due to the deletion of clauses 4(2) and 4(3)."

The full report here

Free Alan Johnston

BBC reporter Alan Johnston is being held hostage in Gaza. Sign the online support petition for his release here.

When reality trumps comedy

The Catherine Tate Show is not comedy, it's reality TV.

Are you glad to be back home again?

Being on holiday for a longer period meant not having to keep up with the usual parochial issues that crop up almost daily in New Zealand. Mind you, being abroad meant being subjected to their parochial issues, such as a missing British 3 year old from a Portuguese resort. But hey, glad to be home again anyway.
So what have we missed? The abolition of the parental right to legally beat their children, the Budget and KiwiSaver. Oh, and the flap over boy racers and their proposed remedy: compulsory third party insurance.
Believe it or not but this kind of insurance, which covers you when you do damage to other vehicles, is not compulsory in New Zealand. This, alongside the importation of cheap second hand cars from Japan, is the reason why New Zealand is a car-mad culture: you basically can drive with impunity and it panders to those that prefer to be risk-takers - with your own life and that of others. I have long thought this sort of insurance cover is pretty essential in a car-driving culture. And thinking about it a bit more:
- it's a green policy: it would remove a substantial number of cars off the road, reducing carbon emissions, creating greater demand for public transport from the young and the poor. You wouldn't need a regional fuel tax to achieve the same result.
- it's sound financial policy: having your car wiped out by an uninsured driver is of no use to anybody.
- it's a preventative health policy: those young people will be spared a life of obesity when they get too young behind the wheel. Teenagers will look much better toned and firmed when they use bicycles as transport. They can never look fit enough, in my book.