Sex in the sports news

It's not often that the subject of sex crops up in the sports pages, apart from such unfortunate instances as (real) rape cases in the past couple of years (Tyson, for one). Their relegation to the sports news made me feel sick.
But it must have been a slow day at the Herald when they let a jock sniffer like Steve Deane loose in their Sports Section on Friday and let him look at a few sexual shenanigans by sports "stars" which ended up in tabloid newspapers in recent times. Take it from the top, Steve:

"One minute you're streaking away for an intercept try against the All Blacks, the next your world has been Topsyed upside down by unflattering public revelations and potentially criminal accusations.
Whether enjoying a quiet post-match spit-roast with mates, or choosing between an overweight, balding 55-year-old man and a stunning young brunette with an unquenchable thirst for fame and questionable morals for your personal assistant, the world of the high-profile sports star is full of pitfalls."

Our Steve has obviously no idea what a spit-roast is, otherwise he wouldn't have used it in such an unfortunate turn of phrase. If you don't know what a spit-roast is, let either the Sunderland footballers or the Flight of the Conchords boys explain it to you.
But wait, there's more unintentionally (we think) but wickedly funny reporting by our Steve:

"Ashley Cole (pictured left), the Chelsea and England defender, was portrayed as the ultimate love rat for cheating on popstar wife Cheryl. Having already taken a battering after leaving Arsenal to get a slice of rival Chelsea's Russian lucre, Cole's reputation hit rock bottom when 22-year-old blond Aimee Walton also decided to chase the cash herself, selling the story of her one-night stand with the footballer to a tabloid.
Walton revealed that Cole slapped her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark. He later paused midway through intercourse to vomit. Every inch a consummate Premier League pro, he resumed shagging."

Everybody knows heterosexuality makes a lot of men heave, so it's unsurprising our Steve skips lightly over that poignant, significant and outrageous detail. It confirms again that it's a nasty business, even though his bravery of actually going back in after made me spill my coffee. No wonder those footballers are hero-worshiped by millions of hooligans. But our Steve was more concerned about her post-coital commentary than the lack of control of his gag reflex:

"She also offered this somewhat painful overall assessment of his performance: "He knew exactly what he was doing and was pretty good, despite not being very big."
Ouch."

Perhaps that's where the real schadenfreude for jocksniffer reporters comes in: thank heaven for slags who dish the dirt on the sexual quality of our heroes.

The Campaign for Real Olympics continues

We're not far from that quadriannual "sports" fest called the Olympics, but again, in Greece, they have held the Nemean Games, in honour of the original Olympics Games as they have been held before the Christian Victorians took over and turned them into the current showcase for corporate apparel, pharmaceutical innovation and sorry jingoism.
Watch the BBC video of the Nemean Games.
Some attempts are being made to bring the spirit of individual, nude sport and glory back to its roots with the Nemean Games, a worthy but only partial successful attempt: the athletes wear clothes, and female competitions take place too.
From SFGate.com:

"The Olympics are returning to their original home in Greece but not to their original dress code.
"This may be the most obvious and striking difference between today's athletes and the ancient Greeks," UC Berkeley archaeologist Stephen Miller says in "Ancient Greek Athletics," his new book on the ancient games.
So embedded was competing in the nude that our word gymnasium comes from the Greek gymnos for "naked," Miller notes in the book, an in-depth account of a culture that loved to watch the well-proportioned bodies of young men, their skin glistening with olive oil, compete not for medals but for a sprig of olive or bunch of wild celery.
On a deeper level, Miller said, nude competition helped foster one of ancient Greece's best-known contributions to posterity -- democracy. Nudity, he said, erases marks of rank and privilege.
"It came to me that the locker room is inherently one of the most democratic places in human experience," he said, "and that -- at the very least -- Greek athletics provided an environment in which democracy could, and did, prosper."
"We do not know the origins of competition in the nude," he writes in the book, but we do know the custom helped doom the Olympics to disfavor when Rome took over the Mediterranean world."

In my opinion, the dear professor is completely missing the point of locker rooms and nude athletic competition: they do not promote democracy but foster competition and establish a hierarchy between males. Naked males are never equal. And that is the point of the nudity: you cannot hide any imperfections, so it steels you and spurs you to work and train harder. Democracy has nothing to do with it! But what it does do is encouraging bonding between males. Something every locker room still does today for team sports.
The Gay Games have missed the opportunity to go the whole way and recreate and non-Roman, non-Christian and completely pagan version of the Olympic Games: no clothes, no women, no teams.
A Campaign for Real Olympics anyone?

The freedom of speech and the freedom to propagate

Aljazeera English's TV programme Listening Post is always worth a watch. It handles television news and current affairs as media issues but in an amusing non-specialist way.
This morning's broadcast was exceptionally about Aljazeera itself, and its lack of coverage and reach in the United States: only two cities, Toledo and Burlington, have the channel on their city cable systems. If you want to watch it in America you either need your own satellite dish or watch it online. Now Burlington is in the middle of a public spat over whether to let Aljazeera continue broadcasting on their cable, with high-spirited public meetings arguing for and against a ban. All very much fun and games, especially the ban proponents' argument that it is anti-Israel and anti-America, to which the ban opponents reply that Aljazeera is one of the most watched stations in Israel.

You can watch the show here on YouTube.

By sheer coincidence, that other paragon of American journalistic quality, The News Hour with Jim Lehrer, ran an item last night about the American Government-funded Arabic channel Al Hurra and its lack of impact it is having on Middle Eastern public opinion about America, despite its massive funding.

Links: Transcript and video.

It's fairly obvious that the men at IBB, who run all the American "propaganda" channels (not Fox News TV!) like TV Marti, VOA or Al Hurra, are still fighting the media war as if it was a cold one. Radio Liberty may have contributed to the fall of the evil Soviet empire, but I can't see Al Hurra do quite the same thing to Iran or (Allah forbid because they're our mates) Saudi Arabia. Perhaps they should subcontract Al Hurra wholesale to Fox News to give those Ayrabs a taste of America.

Personally, I'm quite proud to have been involved in bringing VOA and Aljazeera to New Zealand without busybodies interfering - although they have tried!

A guest post

Dear Blog Reader,

My name is Andrew Cushen, and I am conducting a survey of New Zealand Political Blog Readers. This survey is part of my research toward a Master of Arts in Political Studies at the University of Auckland.
As the reader of a blog that features postings related to political news, discussion and debate in New Zealand politics, I invite you to participate in this survey.
Please follow this link.
This link will take you to the survey and also provide you with further information on how and why this research is being conducted. If you would like to ask me further questions about the survey or about my research in general, you will find my contact details listed on this page also.
I would appreciate it if you would complete this survey by Friday the 4th of July.

Thank you, Andrew Cushen

Europe Day

Last Friday I was invited to the Europe Day lunch organised by the New Zealand Europe Business Council at the Royal New Zealand Yacht Squadron. The Council promotes closer economic co-operation between New Zealand and Europe, and provides a forum for the coordination of activities of various business councils/associations, trade organisations, diplomatic missions and consular representatives from European countries.
So that was right up my alley, what with me being European and actively pursuing New Zealand's eventual membership of the European Union. I was surprised to hear a New Zealand trade person actually agreeing to that and even suggesting the Opposition spokesperson on Trade, Tim Groser, wasn't averse to the idea either. Ah well, something to look forward to lobbying on if there is to be a new Government this year.
Not that the current Government is against Europe, far from it. Guest speaker was Trade Minister Phil Goff, who was positively gushing about Europe, mentioning how well New Zealand fits in as a "Scandinavian"-like country, booing the ungrateful Irish for voting down the EU Lisbon Treaty and consoling the Portuguese for their loss to Germany in the Euro 2008.
Here are some extracts from his speech notes:

Collectively, the EU is New Zealand’s second largest trading partner. European countries make up 14 of our 50 top trading partners, with a combined total of around 16% of our merchandise trade.
The 27 members of the EU account for 31% of the world’s economic output and purchasing power. When you add in other European countries, and Russia, you are looking at over a third of the global economy.
Our traditional trade with Europe continues to be strong. Last year we exported to it over $1.5bn worth of lamb, $500m in dairy products, and $250m worth of wine.
As well as being an affluent market for New Zealand exporters, Europe is an important source of innovation. It is an ideal market for value-added technologies, services and well-designed, branded consumer products.
Europe is home to people with the highest amount of purchasing power and a significant proportion of consumers who look for brands, design, quality, functionality and safety.

The wine on the table came from Portugal. Not as good as Waiheke wine, of course, but that would have been rude to point out.

Sex in the news

Another fantastic news story involving those favourite leisure pastimes of men: sport and sex.

"Four England rugby players are facing claims that they took part in a sexual assault during a raucous party at their hotel in New Zealand."

The Times headlined its story as a "rowdy party". In New Zealand that kind of thing is called a "Ropati". But in all it's obviously not as "bad" as it sounds:

"Although police sources have indicated that the claims may include an allegation of rape, no formal complaint has been received. Unless one is made they cannot formally pursue the allegations, nor identify the players."

So what is the fuss all about?

"Players are reported to have gathered in the Pony Club, a nightclub near the Hilton Hotel, where the squad was staying. The club, formerly a male striptease venue, is a well-known haunt of local celebrities and sportsmen."

I'm not sure whether the Times meant the venue used to be a place where guys stripped or a strip club frequented by men. Either way would do the modern sportsman anyway.

"A 22-year-old New Zealander, named only as "Angel" (in another report, helpfully listed under "Rugby News", she is called "Angel Barbie"), further claimed that she and five other women had met six England players at the club. Each had accompanied a player back to the Hilton in the early hours of Sunday morning."

Lucky bitches.

"She said that she had spent the evening with one of the players, though she refused to give his name."

I never tend to ask names of my trade either. It just avoids awkwardness the morning after. Who remembers names anyway? And it's usually the least interesting aspect of them.

"She said that the following morning he had left to attend a compulsory hydrotherapy session at 9am, part of the squad’s recovery programme, and returned to bed 45 minutes later."

Freshly scrubbed and douched and ready for another round! You gotta love the Hilton's attention to detail for its guests.

"Shortly after that, four players had burst into the bedroom and tried to rip the sheets off the bed, before running out laughing, she said."

In the other report

"Angel Barbie said she believed the players went to other rooms where women had slept with players and also pulled the duvets off their semi-naked bodies. They were doing the rounds."

No word, sadly, about the condition the men were in - apart from being scrubbed and douched. News reporting isn't up to scratch these days. We need to be told all the details.
So tell me again where the scandal is?

Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welkom

Today my blog has been visited by 250,000 page views since it started counting from 2005. it seems like an incredible amount of traffic to me.
But looking at where all you good people have come from to land here, over 90% of you are one-hand net surfers, so I'm unsure whether this blog is satisfying your surfing needs. I trust it stimulates your brain instead - hopefully without a diminishing blood flow to where it counts.

Auckland photography

Left is the winning photograph at the annual Auckland Festival of Photography competition. From the press information:

"Manuel Toribio of Devonport made clever use of his girlfriend’s camera self timer to capture himself diving off the wharf at Stanley Bay and has taken first prize in the twenty four hour competition with his image called The Flight.
Manuel was one of hundreds of photographers who participated in the event, submitting over 800 photography entries to be judged.
Manuel is a 25 year old Argentine national and is working as barista and waiter in Devonport while he waits for his New Zealand residency."

A good thing the police didn't see him jump off the wharf as that is a prohibited activity on Auckland wharves, and you don't want a police record when you're waiting for your residency application to be approved. Not to mention the unsavoury brine he's jumping into - the Waitemata Harbour is hardly sparkling clean.

Dog whistling blokes (final update)

Rural Bachelor of the Year 2008 is Mark Woodcock, one of my favourites to win. The other finalists with are here.
I prefer men bringing home the crayfish instead of the bacon!

You can stop whistling at dogs now.

The Gay Questionnaire

This is doing the blog rounds, I got it off HistoriesofSex and it's definitely more challenging than the annual Roy Morgan Consumer poll I'm filling in at the moment too.

1. How old were you when you knew you were gay? 14
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex? Yes, once. More to try it out than from sexual lust, and all in the name of "don't knock it til you've tried it". I've kept on knocking it ever since.
3. Who was the first person you came out to? My lesbian girlfriend (who wasn't out as a lesbian either at the time - talk about double bearding!)
4. Are you out to your family? Yes, and all other 10 million Belgians too, thanks to Belgian TV.
5. Do you want children? No thanks, not my cuppa.
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? About 50/50
7. Were you out in school? No, not even at college. I was a late starter, am still catching up.
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you? Yes
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them? He's my current partner.
10. Have you ever done crystal meth? No, life's too short to do bad drugs.
11. Have you ever been in a sling? Yes, slept in one once.
12. Have you ever done a 3-way? More than you had hot dinners.
13. Have you ever dressed in drag? Never, unless homemade catholic priest garb counts (I was 8 and not yet an atheist then)
14. Would you date a drag queen? If drag means all dressing up/down, not just women's gear, then yes.
15. Are you a top/bottom or truly versatile? Depends on the scene and the men.
16. Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? Every time I drop my trousers.
17. Have you had sex with someone of a different ethnicity? Been around the block, around the neighbourhood, around the city and around the world many times over.
18. Have you ever barebacked? No thanks. Starting my sex life when Aids came on was an eye opener.
19. How many Cher CDs do you own? None.
20. Name of your first love? Jan ("When I think of you, I touch myself")
21. Do you still talk to them? Occasional email.
22. Does size matter? As long as the Pope stays Catholic.
23. Biggest turn on? A dirty mind in a filthy body.
24. Biggest turn off? Ignorant morons.
25. Ever been harassed due to you orientation? Not lately.
26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you? Being responsible for the New Zealand increase in the number of sexual partners in the annual Durex sex survey.
27. Ever been to a pride rally? Tons, for decades.
28. Would you marry if you could? I am too young for that sort of commitment.
29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful? I've been young once, I like to think I'm still smart, so it would be hubristic of me to want anything more.
30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows? I occasionally pluck the stragglers.
31. Do you trim your body hair? From head to arsehole.
32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Sure.
33. Ever been to an orgy? Of course.
34. Have you dated your best friends ex? No.
35. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president? Irrelevant.
36. Do you want monogamy in your relationships? Never have so most probably never will.
37. Do you believe in true love? Sure.
38. Do you have any tattoos? None.
39. Do you have any piercings? None. My punk days are long gone.
40. Would you date a smoker? Not anymore.
41. Do you get HIV tests every 6 months? No.
42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV? Of course.
43. Do you know what Stonewall was? A celebration of Judy Garland's death.
44. Strangest place you have had sex? At the bottom of the steps under a bridge over the River Thames.
45. Strangest place you've woken up? On the first morning tram home from a grand night out, many stops after mine.
46. Are your best years behind or in front of you? Never regret, never despair.
47. Favorite porn movie? Anything made by Curt McDowell. It's the funnest, hottest stuff I have ever seen. And I had the privilege of meeting the man.
48. Are you in love now? With lots of things.
49. Ever been in love with a straight guy? Oh yes, my first steps on the queer sex road were made with the assistance of straight boys.
50. Did you ever have sex with him? Yes, but it was a blind, ineffective stumble. I wish they would teach proper sex techniques at school.
51. Have you ever been to a nude beach? I live 5mins driving from one. And I don't own togs.
52. Have you ever been to a bath house? That's usually where I like to spend my holidays.
53. Ever had sex in public? Sure. Hampstead Heath springs to mind, a grand audience there.
54. Have you ever been/stayed in a relationship for Money or Security, instead of Love and Friendship? Hell no.
55. Have you ever keyed someone's car? You need to be straight to do that.
56. Have you ever fantasized killing someone not famous? No, but have fantasized about fucking some sports people to death.
57. Have you ever witnessed someone dying? No.
58. Have you ever contemplated suicide? No.
59. Are you glad you're still here? Of course.

The political compass

The Political Compass test shows you where you are on a two dimensional (left-right / authoritarian-libertarian) chart.
My score was Economic Left/Right: -3.75 and Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.33, which on the graph looks like this:
Comparing my score to international figures, I'm in rare company as the left-libertarian quadrant isn't well populated with politicos. I'm somewhere between the august company of Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama.

Of course, you know me more as a libertine.

Dog whistling blokes (update)

Well, our blokes have started their Rural Bachelor of the Year competition, so here's an update and a rather fetching group picture.
They can come round my paddock any day to graze.

From the press release:

"The Fieldays Rural Bachelor of the Year finalists were in action throughout the site during their first day of competition. Starting with the NZ Pork ‘Brekkie Bloke’ heat, the guys cooked up a storm in the Kiwi’s Best marquee demonstration kitchen, with finalist Lee Poulton impressing hungry Suzuki Cheerleaders with his unbeatable breakfast. The Bachelors further settled into the public life, meeting Fieldays visitors, before really putting themselves on show this afternoon as the cheerleaders returned to teach these rural romeos how to dance. Patrick Bellerby (25), from the Hawkes Bay, impressed both judges and a large crowd of spectators, taking away the heat with judges scores of 9 and 10 with his enthusiastic performance. In the last heat of the day, the Fastest Fencer heat, Lee Poulton returned to winning form to take out the heat. Poulton commented that the heat was a tough one."

Auckland again 5th best city to live in the world

Zurich, Vienna and Geneva are the best cities in the world as far as quality of live is concerned, says Mercer Consulting in a survey published in June 2008. Vancouver (Canada) and Auckland (New Zealand) are placed fourth and fifth respectively, followed by three German cities: Düsseldorf, Munich and Frankfurt. Tokyo, London and Madrid are all outside the top 25. Overall, Baghdad is, not surprisingly, the lowest ranking city in the survey.

And again, nothing has changed, so I'll repeat myself too: an incredible result considering Auckland has the worst public transportation system and the worst sprawl of any developed world city. It certainly doesn't feel as a world class city to live in (that's why I live on an island 25km away) due to its rather mediocre facilities and cultural treasures. But then that may be of no importance to multinational expatriate employees the survey is aiming at.
Personally, if money, time or job restrictions were of no import I'd rather live in Madrid, Copenhagen, Paris, Edinburgh or Luxembourg. But given those choices are not really available to me, I'm quite happy on my little rock in the South Pacific. I hope you are happy too wherever you live and if not, well, get out.

No person wears pink

Reaction to a news item on police forcing taggers to wear pink vests with the word "tagger" emblazoned on it when they are cleaning up their graffiti:

The Wellington community police constable who is making taggers wear pink vests as punishment has prompted alarm from the youth group OUT THERE.
“Wearing pink tagger vests draws on homophobic fears of wearing pink, and the whole concept of embarrassing young people rather than strengthening them is appalling.” said Nathan Brown, National Coordinator of OUT THERE, a youth development organisation for non-heterosexual and transgender youth.
“The homophobic part is what is said about the jackets by both taggers and the Police rather than the jackets themselves. They need to be careful presenting them in schools so that they are not playing on fears of not being seen as a real man.”

The reaction is as predictable as it is misguided. Wearing pink should not be done by anyone over the age of 3 as it is such a fashion faux pas. Yves Saint Laurent isn't even buried yet but he will be spinning! Why anyone would confuse wearing pink with being gay is really beyond me. Have you ever seen, met, spoken to, slept with a homosexual who wears pink? Where they get this correlation from is a mystery.
But back to the punishment issue. The regime that should be adopted is of course to have those guys scrub off their tags in the buff. If we're going to indulge in public humiliation it might as well have some return for my tax dollars by saving on penalty clothing.

Mixing the Members Proportionally

Ever since the New Zealand electoral system was changed from a British (and US)-style First Past the Post (FPP) system to a Mixed Member Proportional (MMP) modelled on the post-war German one, the major parties, who have seen their easy majorities lost to a plethora of upstarts in Parliament, would love to turn the clock back to a more majoritarian system away from a proportional one.

Matt McCarten opined on this berating the Business Round Table, a New Zealand free market think tank, for proposing to do away with the separate Maori seats as it causes over-representation of Maori in parliament. Under FPP there was an over-representation of white males in parliament. But this has not really changed with MMP since electorate seats are won under FPP rules. The diversity of parliament comes from its proportional aspect of the electoral system. His argument that right wingers only want to do away with the brown seats forgets to add that a party running in the Maori seats doesn't need a majority vote to win it, only a plurality will suffice, as is the case in all other electorate seats

I am much in favour of MMP, but the proportionality can definitely be improved on:
1. The obvious one is to abolish electorate seats altogether, both general and Maori, and move to a completely proportional system.
2. The threshold then would be 1/120th of the votes cast for a party list. Since there would be no electorates there would be no one-man-band parties with limited geographical appeal. Small parties would still exist if they can appeal to 120th of the total electorate, which in my opinion is preferable to appealing to the largest minority in a current electorate (since FPP still applies there under MMP)
3. Maori (and pakeha) would be able to choose between more than one Maori party instead of having to rely on the current "Maori Party" pretending to speak for all Maori. The current situation in Maori seats is like the National Party pretending to speak for all New Zealanders in non-Maori seats! I can understand the Maori party prefers the in-effect FPP structure of the Maori seats: it doesn't need an absolute majority to win them, a relative majority will do.
4. The two vote system can be simplified to one list vote, with a published ranking of candidates. You either vote for the total list accepting the party ranking, or you vote for a candidate on the list to push his/her placing higher (those votes would be counted to re-order the seat outcome for list members). There could be more Maori MPs under that system than there are now, so nobody should be fearful of losing the "guaranteed" Maori representation. Even pakeha could vote for a Maori party!
5. This list-only proportional system would move away from personality politics and focus the minds far more on actual policy and with possible coalition agreements, workable and pragmatic majorities that are far more reflective of the electoral will.

There is also discussion on this issue (and possible future referendums) on Public Address.

School's out

One of those high school traditions that need protecting, nurturing, spreading and promoting: the naked high school run by the graduating boys over a local city bridge in Stavanger, Norway.
This year it came with a political point: to protest human rights in China. Running naked with a conscience gets my full athletic support because it certainly celebrates the original Olympic ethos.
And I'm glad to see they don't needed hoodies to celebrate their youth, but the bracing North Sea wind might cause the boys to hood up their appendages.

Picture from Aftenbladet, Norway's main newspaper. And a hood tip to Bjørn

"Tortured women will never go out of fashion"

Speaking of subculture and moral panic, why is the cleverest thing I have read in the NZ Herald this year hidden away in the Viva supplement, where it can do nothing but be discarded and buried with the rest of the advertorials?
Noelle McCarthy was sadly wasted in that space, although she has a regular column in the Saturday edition. Her analysis of tortured women and their fashionable appeal to a wide audience was spot on and showed that this is neither a new phenomenon ever since Britney Spears lost her battle with weight loss, nor a sole American preserve, what with Amy Winehouse and all:

Like her fellow chanteuses, Lily Allen, MIA and Cat Power, Winehouse was not created _ rather she came on the scene fully formed, with no need for the tweaking, air-brushing or full-on reinvention that accompanies the career trajectory of so many others. Nobody invented Amy Winehouse; how could you?

Why can't Herald editors yank her out of the feminine ghetto and into the opinion pages and put that doddery Garth "Vader" George out to pasture?

Queer eye for the subcultural guy

It's Winter so it's time for snug clothing after a truly spectacular Summer this year. Now the Youth Week 2008 campaign has launched a day to wear hoodies (hooded sweatshirts) to show you care about contemporary youth, whatever that means. Seen by conservatives as the latest fashion scare to build a moral panic around, I hadn't really noticed how a practical winter garment it really is, even though it's hardly sexy fashion.
Last night I saw a fan on the boat wearing a patterned hoodie trimmed with fur, Corey Delaney-style minus the yellow sunglasses (left). It looked as if the chilly Winter evening was kept well at bay, unless you looked further down and noticed he was wearing board shorts and jandals too. Obviously he could not really say goodbye to Summer yet.