Put 'em all on an island

London's Burning now available as an e-book

2012-01-25T09:56:00.000+13:00

The missing piece in the publication of my book "London's Burning: An Exploration in Punk Subculture" has now been put in place and is finally available as an e-book for all platforms (it has been already available for Kindle) so you can read it on your i-pad, PC or even cellphone.

It's available for download at Wheelers here, and it costs NZ$19.99

About "London's Burning":

Thesis written in 1980 for a BA in sociology at the University of Antwerpen, Belgium, on punk subculture. It explores the sociology of punk in Britain, its history and cultural aspects such as music, imagery, fanzine publications and independent record labels. The analysis section embeds the phenomenon in the rich tapestry of British post-war youth cultures. It has a new (2011) preface and is concluded with short essays and updates. It contains original punk rock band photography and a substantial bibliography and URL resource list.

Print version available here.
Kindle version available here.
Print version in Dutch available here.

Do sports build character?

2012-01-18T21:57:00.001+13:00

Sport obviously builds character but not always the one non-sporty types, women, children would like. In America, there is obviously only one sport (their version of "football") and Mark Edmundson's essay suffers from that myopia, despite the fascinating tour of Plato, Homer and Achilles' hangups. But it does pose an interesting challenge:

"I believe that virtually all heterosexual men are made anxious by homosexuality. Show them—show us—a gay porn flick, and some significant part of the audience will get to the verge of physical illness. Why this is so is a great mystery, and whoever solves it will have taken a significant step toward understanding human nature."

Support public service television in New Zealand

2012-01-06T17:03:00.000+13:00

If you are a television viewer in New Zealand, I would appreciate it if you signed this petition. Thanks.

Consumer guide for the sexually active Auckland guy - Update

2011-12-21T23:10:00.007+13:00

Seven years ago I did a survey of a few sex-on-site places in Auckland, from a punter's perspective, and it was about time I did an update, because that blog item has been over the past years one of the most read on this blog. So here goes.
The survey criteria are the same: I paid for my entry in all venues and my opinion is personal. I cannot vouch for the punters who frequent it, nor assure you will have a good time there. In all the venues I have been mind-numbingly bored and have had mind-blowing sex sessions, so don't always judge it by one visit.

For opening hours / days / entry fees and other information, refer to the links to the venues' websites.

WINGATE SAUNA (76 Wingate St, Avondale) The location, facilities and even some of the punters have not changed since I was last here seven years ago. A large, sprawling Lockwood house with all the standard bath house facilities but slightly shabby and rundown looking. The floors especially need attention. All that constant wetness isn't good even if the wood is treated. It makes for slightly slippery and uncomfortable feel underneath your feet.
The sauna and steam room have swapped places, if I remember correctly. The sauna is rather cramped with three long rows of seating close together. But the temperature was great and the smallish door does not make it drop every time it is opened. The disadvantage is that the oxygen levels can drop inside. The steam room is now down some steps and it is pitch dark, which I really disliked. I didn't try out the spa pool, it's the only aspect of bath house culture I stay away from, but it looked quite clean - I mean you could see all the punters' bits under water as there was no bubble action going on. From the spa pool you have clear line of sight through window to the showers, a fully lit area where you can treat your wash and scrub down as a show performance.
The outdoor pool was still present and even though not used on this still not quite summery day, the punters were sprawling around it soaking up the rays. Despite it being a weekday afternoon when I visited, the place was packed - the quite substantial car parking was full - with gentlemen of a certain age who obviously find that environment more conducive than sitting around in a retirement home. So I can't say whether a different age group (or body type) frequents on weekends or evenings, you'll have to try it out for yourself.
The indoor recreational cruising is fairly standard: under-lit maze, small cubicles and a cinema. The upstairs balcony looking out at the screen is the main orgy room. The downstairs seating is not very comfortable, with straight upright backs. In the basement is a large pool table with notes stating that sex on the pool table is forbidden, as it is in the communal seating areas (the pool area is OK for some alfresco action if the mood takes you.)
Good to see it is still doing a roaring trade locally and obviously a life's work by the owners.

GRINDER (348 Karangahape Road, Newton) The Den chain of sex shops has been broken up and sold and the K Road branch has now been renamed Grinder. The shop in front is largely the same, although the sales assistant said the stock is slightly different. I didn't press him on this as I was here to see whether the backroom had changed. And it unfortunately hadn't. The floor is still scruffy, the maze layout too dark and confusing, the porn screens tiny, the toilets grotty. The only thing different was the absence of a commercial radio station sound track. There were a few punters (including one fast asleep, obviously after a tiring afternoon of Xmas shopping) but it has never had a reputation of being a heaving place.
Good for a quick one if there are some others there.

EROX CINEMA (474 Karangahape Road, Newton) This a new venue that wasn't there 7 years ago, at least not in this gloriously spacious configuration. It's a large cinema space with big screen and comfortable, expensive-looking leather seats and couches, showing straight porn. Don't that let you put off, most of the punters here are after some cock action. But you have to be willing to perform in public, there are no private cubicles except if you want to watch a film privately, there are four cabins available, two of them with interconnecting serving hatches (not glory holes) which you open or close at will. The toilets are sufficient although they hadn't been cleaned that day.
A relaxing venue and a chance to meet very non-scene punters. Great friendly staff at the front desk too (two chatty women).

THE EXCLUSIVE SHOP (460 Karangahape Road, Newton) A standard, if old-fashioned sex shop with video cabins and two cinemas on a split level, one catering for straight porn, the other for non-standard porn, mostly of the she-male variety. In both it's customary to see and partake in some action either solo or joined, if you don't mind the lack of privacy. Everybody can be a porn star when the on-screen action bores you. The venue is a bit cramped and dingy but ideal if you want your desires fulfilled off-scene.

K ROAD VIDEO (354a Karangahape Road, Newton) A video rental store with preview cubicles. If you want assistance in your viewing habits, ask for one with glory holes. They're big enough to almost stick your head through. It's really not my scene as I prefer my punters attached to the rest of their bodies, but I know a lot of guys love glory holes and they are usually to be found in every sex-on-site venue. I didn't notice any cruising going on outside the cubicles, which was disappointing.

THE BASEMENT (Canada Street, off Upper Queen St, Newton) This venue shifted recently from Newton to a smaller venue closer to K Road. It is still a sex shop and mail order business but has also provided a small area for cruising in the back. There is no maze but a series of themed areas for non-vanilla play, including a bath tub and sling room. A few cubicles and a decent size video room with circular seating (instead of rows of chairs) make up the rest. There are two video streams available, one on a large, the other on much smaller screens. The toilets are clean and spacious, towels are for hire. The venue occasionally hosts private and public parties (check their website for details) which cater for the leather and fetish crowds.

CENTURIAN SAUNA (Beresford Square, off Pitt St, Newton) Still the world class venue as it has always been: spacious, clean, catering for a wide variety of relaxation options, including the non-sexual kind (you can just watch Sky Movies or mainstream TV if that takes your fancy but that would be a sign of serious perversion). But it is still eye-wateringly expensive. They have started a few theme nights, such as No-Towels-Nights, which are a whole heap of fun and brings out the exhibitionist in you. The atmosphere is far more congenial then, so I would recommend going then. When there are a lot of punters, the action opportunities slow right down so you may want to avoid busy times like Sunday afternoons.

LATESHIFT (2/25 Dundonald St, off Basque Road, Newton) The longest running cruise club in Auckland now that Westside Sauna closed a few years ago, but it has probably been suffering from hook-up opportunities offered by the internet, judging by the lesser crowds present on previously heaving nights.
The venue hasn't changed much over the years, it is still one of the best venues to spend a longer time in, such as pulling an all nighter til the sun comes up, the drunks barge in from the K Road clubs and you can have breakfast after service is over. There are two well-appointed playrooms available for extra hire charge and where you can organise your own private party or, if need be, have a place to sleep.
First Wednesdays of the month is Arsemen night when both playrooms are devoted to rear end plays and a lot of fisters and fistees populate the slings. It's a good opportunity to learn about it as many experienced experts are on hand, literally. It's quite social as John who runs Arsemen insists on chatting to you to see what they can do for you.
Sunday afternoons is still Jacks & Jocks, when the venue caters for nude cruising and masturbators.

If I have missed out on any venues - especially if there are any out in the suburbs I don't know about - let me know.

Pina: Without dance we are lost

2011-12-18T20:21:00.000+13:00

When I was a young whippersnapper, the youth club where I hung out at offered a course in modern dance, just for fun, mind you, not to eventually do a public performance. My good friend Riet was the course leader and I remember (this is about 35 years ago) her talking about this German choreographer woman Pina Bausch. The quite physical intensity of the weekly course I still enjoy having taken part in because it was just such enormous fun to try and express emotions into dance. I particularly remember trying out falling in love with a bare wall and how to explain that to it.
Ms Bausch sadly passed away two years ago just before a film about her work and life was about to start shooting by Wim Wenders. I watched the resulting documentary at our local marvellous little Waiheke cinema and the focus is very much on her troupe, with only token but poignant archive material of her choreographing and dancing in some of her productions. Had she lived longer the film would have had very different focus, more about her, how she worked and where she got her artistic creativity from. But as it is, her dancers explain what it was like working with her, for her and how she got into their heads (and they into hers).
A raft of extracts from her productions gives an excellent overview and feel for what she did, but there is very little background information on how any of the dance theatre pieces were developed, which leaves you a bit baffled if you have no idea who she is and why she is a pivotal figure in modern dance and theatre.
Some is quite hard to watch (some critics say her work has to be experienced rather than watched) but I thought several pieces were exhilarating and I would have loved to join in, especially Vollmond:

More clips from Pina here.
I must add that a fantastic guest role in the documentary is performed by the Wuppertal Schwebebahn. It's such a cool piece of public transport kit!

The 2011 Parliament in my universe

2011-12-10T16:57:00.000+13:00

As in the 2008 election, I recalculated the seat parliamentary distribution if New Zealand had used a Proper Proportional System in which each vote has as much equal weight as practically possible. It means a party gets its seats by multiplying its party vote share by 1.2 to get to a 120-seat parliament (using Swedish rounding in the percentage fractions).
The outcome would be like this (difference in actual seats in brackets):

National Party: 47.31% = 56.77 = 57 seats (-2)
Labour Party: 27.48% = 32.98 = 33 seats (-1)
Green Party: 11.06% = 13.27 = 13 seats (-1)
New Zealand First Party: 6.59% = 7.91 = 8 seats (0)
Maori Party: 1.43% = 1.72 = 2 seats (-1)
Mana Party: 1.08% = 1.3 = 1 seat (0)
ACT New Zealand: 1.07% = 1.28 = 1 (0)
United Future: 0.6% = 0.72 = 1 (0)
Conservative Party: 2.65% = 3.18 = 3 (+3)
Aoteraoa Legalise Cannabis Party: 0.52% = 0.62 = 1 (+1)
The other parties did not make the threshold (4,518 votes were 'wasted', compared to 75,492 under MMP)

John Key could rule with ACT and the Conservatives.

Waiheke Island election night results

2011-11-28T17:02:00.001+13:00

These are the results of the party votes in the polling booths on Waiheke Island on election night:

Booth Nat Lab Grn NZF Act Con Maori Mana

Seaview Rd 142 131 173 57 5 12 5
Donald Bruce Rd 150 94 92 30 3 1 2
Surfdale 102 116 98 51 3 1
Palm Beach 149 85 102 42 6 9 1
Onetangi 215 127 122 42 2
Omiha 92 57 66 23
Matiatia 334 200 243 72 8 4
Totals 1184 810 896 317 8 18 23 13
% 36.2 24.8 27.4 9.7 0.2 0.6 0.7 0.4

If this was a First past the post system, the Tories would rule with a bare minimum of votes as the main opposition is basically split down the middle. But since we have proportional representation the 64% non-National vote isn't wasted.
National's vote share is 7% below the electorate's average, Labour is about what they got in the rest of Auckland Central, but the Green vote really shows that Waiheke is an environmentally aware place: over a quarter of Waihekeans voted Green compared to just over 1 in 5 in Auckland C, which itself is double the NZ Green vote share.
Almost 10% for NZF obviously reflects the elderly vote and they haven't forgotten their supergold card bribe at the last election.

The electorate race was completely irrelevant: all three main candidates, Nikki Kaye, Jacinda Ardern and Denise Roche have all been elected to parliament.

Nude news from Rarotonga

2011-11-14T14:57:00.000+13:00

The unholy trinity of rugby, alcohol and nudity has reared its head again not soon after the Rugby World Cup, when players have too much time on their hands.
Culprit this time is All Black Zac Guildford (allegedly!)

"staggering naked, drunk and bleeding into a bar where he allegedly assaulted two people" (according to Rugby Week, who read it in a NZ newspaper).

Since Trader Jacks in Rarotonga, the main waterfront hangout for locals and tourists - and what a splendid venue it is too - was hosting a 60th birthday party, the punters could be forgiven in thinking (and marveling at the surprise turn up) that Zac was hired as a strip-a-gram. I would have been most pleased if an All Black turned up naked at my birthday party!

But no, the reactions have all been pontificating and patronizing. Young rugby players get drunk, out of hand and their kit off. Get over it. It has always been thus.

The kerfuffle made the French and German media too, so it must be real news.

But the real staggering aspect to me is the fact that New Zealanders are so crap at using social media in cases like this: there is no cellphone footage (as far as I can find out) on YouTube which could shed some light on the fun and games.

Auckland on its most stressful day

2011-10-16T19:33:00.000+13:00

Today (or rather, tonight) New Zealand will be either officially in mourning, or prolong its anticipation of winning the rugby world cup it has been waiting for for 24 years. So it was time to go and have a look what all the fuss is about in rugby heartland, a.k.a. The Cloud, on the waterfront.
It looks like a temporary structure, canvas flimsily held aloft by meccano-like structures, but if it was up to Maestro Warterfront on the Council it should stay there for another 15 years. I think that's highly unlikely and if a swift nor'easterly storm or hurricane doesn't do the trick, surely a cartload of pigeon shit will make it look tatty and old before its time is up.
Inside it looks spacious and airy but since the actually rugby wasn't on, it's run as a showcase for NZ companies. It reminded me of being taken to engineering and building trade shows by my dad: rather boring and pointless.
The remaining old shed next door has been 'transformed' into a booze barn with all the alcy charm and chummy coziness that entails.

So, after that rather disappointing excursion it was time to check out that other new development my tax dollars have been spent on, apart from the rugby, the newly refurbished Auckland Art Gallery.
A rather fetching new annexe with a spectacular kauri wood canopy abuts the Victorian French chateau-style original gallery, expanding the exhibition space enormously.
But it's still a very intimate gallery of contemporary and historic New Zealand and international art, which makes a visit manageable and not overwhelming. There are some spectacular pieces on show by Picasso and Goldie. My favourite was a very small painting by Piet Mondrian.

In all, I am very pleased my tax dollars have been spent on this, and the return will be far longer lasting and substantial than any rugby match series can.
The gallery website is here.

Sport as art

2011-09-11T10:17:00.000+12:00

If you ever had any doubts that rugby in New Zealand is a religion, consider how it treats its icons: fetishistic veneration, cloaked in magic-power giving robes.

Even if you are a secular heathen, notice how the body has become priceless art that has to be handled with gloves so no human traces are left on the masterpiece.

Upholding classical traditions

2011-06-17T09:44:00.002+12:00

The classical Greeks would have approved, not of the team sport, but of the attire. The annual Nude Blacks versus Welsh Leeks rugby match was played again on a wintry Dunedin pitch. Now if only the World Cup would be played like this, we wouldn't make a loss on match attendance or TV viewership. It would no doubt truly be a stadium of 4 million for the boys!

Match report here.

Video (no silly pixillation!) on demand here.

Earlier edition reports here.

UPDATE: The Nude Blacks played another match, this time against a Fijian team (in silly lavalavas). 25 minute match video report here. Complete with haka!

UPDATE 2: A mixed match with Spanish ladies is far less successful in my opinion, but you can have a look here yourself.

Venice Biennale 2011

2011-06-02T10:21:00.000+12:00

The New Zealand entry into the Venice Biennale this year is a rather spectacular set of works by sculptor Michael Parekowhai. Facebook pictures here.

He was one of the few artists whose work was actually worth looking at a recent exhibition of New Zealand art in Melbourne's National Gallery of Victoria:

Louis Theroux Weird Weekends

2011-05-30T13:43:00.000+12:00

BBC Knowledge is re-running a 1998 series by Louis Theroux in which he goes Gonzo-style into 'weird' subcultures. It makes a worthwhile change from the standard fly on the wall stuff. He's filming openly, to the point of even participating in the main activity reported on. There is no subterfuge or undercover try-to-catch-them-out but he leaves it, thankfully, up to the viewer to ponder the lifestyles of the strange and unknown
The episode that caught my attention was about the Los Angeles porn industry, then (1998) in the midst of an HIV scare (several performers had been recently diagnosed and caused shock waves through the industry with many reconsidering their careers) but not yet fully affected by the online free-for-all (performing and downloading) which has made the current business model basically untenable. But what we learn from the film is that it's an excellent short term money spinner for performers despite the risks to your physical and mental health. The glaring difference with the real world - speaking in terms of male and female pay rates in doing the same job - is that men earn far less than women and actually have a much harder (to excuse a pun) job than their female co-stars: keeping wood and delivering the money shot after a long day filming on a set with many staff around and when many of your co-performers may not be of your sexual taste is admirable. The attrition rate mentioned by the producers and casting agents, who, of course, make the most money out of your talent, is not surprising.
A few vignettes stuck in my mind: the English girl who preferred to work in American porn instead of Europe because "she doesn't get bruised or injured here"; the male former Airforce performer who looked genuinely puzzled when asked what he was going to do if porn didn't work out in the future (there is never a plan B in America, it seems); the sheer stress on all the males to perform - and you got to feel sorry for those gay-for-pay straight dudes who have their minds and genitals messed with.

1000 blog entries

2011-05-22T10:59:00.000+12:00

One thousand blog entries over the past 8 years. Thanks for reading and keep coming back for more.

What would Roman or Greek TV have looked like?

2011-05-16T14:55:00.002+12:00

Trying to portray ancient, non-Christian cultures on screen in this far more tight-laced (despite all the rantings about too much sex and violence) cultural environment of contemporary television is fraught with difficulties for producers aiming for accuracy rather than pandering towards modern prejudices. Let's look at two offerings currently on a TV screen near you.

Spartacus: Gods of the Arena is the prequel to Spartacus: Blood and Sand, which screened last year. Much has been made - nay, it is even the crux of its marketing appeal - about the amount of blood-soaked violence and sweaty sex featured. And it is true that the portrayal of blood, in all that slow motioned slicing, stabbing, carving and flaying of the unfortunate humans on the receiving end, is high on the fetish scale. To defend yourself or kill your opponent in Roman times you needed to be prepared to get your hands bloody (and it teaches all those modern gun-nuts how real men used to do it without access to 2nd Amendment firearms), have enough strength, moral inclination and willpower to drive that steel into another human body, and be ready to deal with the splattering and gurgling consequences. And that's what we viewers have to deal with too: the sight and sounds of an arc of blood flying slo-mo through the air, a standard image sequence in each episode, has all the qualities of a moneyshot. And that is my main criticism with Spartacus: I wish there be as much attention paid to visual and aural detail in the sex scenes as there is in the gore. The sex is portrayed as coy: genitals are barely glimpsed (certainly no hard-ons), the writhing only worthy of a standard soft porn movie, the throes of passion look choreographed and determined by lighting directors and makeup artists - you need to almost put it on fast forward to get some earthy grunt and sweaty action.
In all, if you're going to make a bodily fluid film can we please have less blood and more semen?

Even in a non-fictional portrayal of classical culture, like the documentary series The Ancient Greek Olympics, currently on The History Channel, the narrator had to 'apologise' the production was unable to actually show historical reality (i.e. male athletes always exercised and competed nude) due to our 'Christian' (un-modern) sensibilities about the naked body on screen. Even in our so-called secular times it is still not permitted to show the ancient (and irrepressible) glorification of the nude male body on television and it proves that we are still living in a form of dark ages and have a long road ahead toward enlightenment. It was no surprise the church fathers banned the Olympics - still, it took them four centuries into the Christian era before they succeeded - but we will never be a true post-religious society unless the ancient Olympics can be restored, and, in the meantime, portrayed accurately on TV.

Sex in the news

2011-05-07T12:13:00.001+12:00

A gem news item from The Independent:

Two university rugby players today admitted performing lewd sex acts while naked on a public bus. Ryan Lissamore, 19, and 21-year-old Oliver Graham carried out the indecent acts while on the top deck of the No 94 service bus, travelling from Cheltenham to Gloucester on the evening of September 20 last year. [...] The two men, along with four other players who also admitted carrying out indecent acts, are students at the University of Gloucestershire and had been drinking in Cheltenham.
It was after they got on the bus that the incidents took place. They had been travelling on the Stagecoach bus with fellow rugby players Lewis Baker, 21, James Devlin, 19, Alex Bye, 19, and Daniel Hammond, 20. Last month the four all admitted a separate count of outraging public decency by committing obscene acts in front of other passengers.
The charge stated: "On September 20, 2010 Lewis Baker, Alex Bye, James Devlin and Daniel Hammond outraged public decency on a public service bus travelling from Cheltenham to Gloucester, masturbated themselves while naked and allowed themselves to be masturbated by another within the site and outrage of other persons present."
That offence was witnessed by teenage girls, who left the top deck of the bus and went downstairs.

Now why does that never happen on my bus to work or home? The newspaper reporting is a bit too coy, I mean, the performances given may have been world class and worthy of the attention of a talent scouts of adult websites specialising in that sort of public entertainment. At least I would have expected more details about their bodies, technique and stamina.
And there is also no word about the passengers who would (like me) have applauded the show fiercely. When the International Rugby Board provides that kind of entertainment during the World Cup this year I may even consider buying a ticket!
In my younger days, when going on the night bus home after a night on the town it was usually community singing that kept passengers awake lest they found themselves waking up somewhere in Essex instead of E14. How much more fun would the bus journey be if the local rugby club provided some on board entertainment, needing no other props than their bodies. And as for the teenage girls leaving early: silly, silly, silly, don't you know lads these days love to show off their bodies for your benefit?

And a local rag tut-tut-thundered about the lads' behaviour too

George Gently (and subtly)

2011-04-16T09:28:00.001+12:00

UKTV has started screening a terrific cop series here in New Zealand. Inspector George Gently has the appearance of a run-of-the-mill detective series but its setting in 1960s rural England makes it interesting. The death penalty was still in force and enforced, which makes a conviction for murder a risky affair for your own life. The lack of modern gadgetry in crime solving such as DNA testing, cellphones and computer databases are still decades away. It makes for so much better drama when it is all about the relationships of the protagonists, the criminal motives and the psychological games played between the 'cops and robbers'. Hence the popularity of series like Cracker, Inspector Morse and (even) Waking The Dead.
Male homosexuality was verboten at the time but that didn't make it invisible or unknown and it featured as a crucial subplot in the first episode. The hotel lobby scene, gay "Brief Encounter"-esque in feel if not linked to the reality of the scene, turned the frisson between the closet and the contemporary illegality into a marvellously subtle criticism of the law's nonsense. The waiter, in the briefest of appearances, gave a brilliant performance on how to skirt the sensitivity of the subject professionally. And Martin Shaw's face was priceless at the hapless Bacchus. "I'm not like that, I'm married!" still echoes down the ages as the truth that dares not speak out.
What I also liked (in episode zero at least) was that despite the psychotic revenge binge the Philip Davis character embarked on, the actual violence or gore was barely shown and the horror was implied off-screen, which makes it a very classical Greek-style drama.

What all rugby players should do in their spare time

2011-04-10T07:45:00.000+12:00

And every man in the room is a little in love.

The not-so-Almighty Johnsons

2011-04-09T12:06:00.000+12:00

I have been sitting through a locally (New Zealand) made TV series, called "The Almighty Johnsons", for a few weeks now and I wish I could get that time of my life back. I can't remember laughing with any of the scenes, caring for any of the characters or wondering and bothering what will happen next. It has more excruciable acting and mangled vowels than a Viking battle. The story line is so thin it barely progresses episode by episode, no multiple layer stories or surprising grand arcs. Not even a memorable quote or joke - just that cringeing one the writers must have liked so much they put it in twice (comparing the rune alphabet with dancing trees).
I can but dream how the series would have been completely hilarious had, say, Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondson in their "Bottom" incarnations, found themselves as Norse gods who lost their mojo unless they can score with a saucy lady down the pub (after lock-in).

Sex in the political news

2011-03-29T11:30:00.001+13:00

If you thought New Zealand politics is no fun, think again.

Labour MP Darren Hughes resigned from Parliament yesterday as witness reports emerged of a distressed, naked man on the street near Mr Hughes' Wellington home on the night a youth complained to police about an incident of a sexual nature.

Note the coy reporting, the vagueness of the words 'distress' (does it mean he lost his hardon?); a 'youth' (the guy in question is 18, of legal sexual and drinking age); 'incident of a sexual nature' (this could cover anything from fumbled flashing to naked mud wrestling)

One witness told 3 News a flustered man, matching a description of the complainant, was near the Mt Victoria tunnel around 5 o'clock on the morning in question.
"He was standing there with one hand over his private parts and the other hand with his thumb out, hitch-hiking," the witness said.
"I thought, 'Oh boy, the husband's come home and it's a quick exit'."

That is quite an astute witness report, with details of place, poise and motivation all vividly described. Earlier reports say the (presumably fully clothed) youth and the MP had been going out drinking around Wellington and ended up at Annette King's house where Mr Hughes boards.
Since the police have not issued any further information, it's time to speculate on what should be investigated:
- why did the youth wait until 5am before deciding it was a good idea to make a quick getaway?
- if you're at someone's house naked, one can safely presume you are there willingly for a party of a sexual nature;
- I can understand distress could be caused by the sight of carrot-coloured pubes (Mr Hughes is a ginga) but one should get over that as soon as possible in life;
- we have all walked the Walk of Shame after a night of disappointing hookups (especially at age 18), but that is really no reason to leave your clothes on the floor. Moving on means not leaving baggage behind.
- Wellington at 5am is not really a place for naturist games when a stiff southerly is blowing. No wonder he only needed one hand to cover his privates.

Uncovering systemic faults

2011-03-09T15:01:00.004+13:00

Cross-posted from Fullerswatch: Last week I have sent the following to the Waiheke Bus Co management for an explanation:

Dear Waiheke Bus Company,

A friend of mine boarded a bus from Matiatia to Surfdale on Wednesday and paid the $3 standard fare. But the bus driver issued her a Super Gold Card ticket (even though she is way younger than 65 and doesn’t have a Super Gold Card anyway).

Can you please explain which of the following scenarios caused this event:

The bus driver pocketed the fare himself and bus management wasn’t any the wiser because a zero fare ticket was issued and his cash box balanced at the end of his shift – and why would management bother about this as the fare is paid by the Government anyway.
You instruct your drivers to issue Super Gold Card tickets to fare paying passengers because it fattens your profit margins: the fare paid, the Government gold card subsidy and of course the Auckland Transport subsidy. All in one push of a button.
The bus driver made a mistake in button pushing – thank god it was in your favour – but we cannot guarantee it won’t happen again because no appropriate audit is in place.

Either of those ways reveals a deep flaw in the Super Gold Card system of subsidy because there is no valid audit trail in place to keep an eye on how transport providers issue Super Gold Card fare tickets. There is no accounting match between tickets issued and Super Gold Cards shown – for all fraudulent intents and purposes a massive amount of Super Gold Card travelers could be on your bus in spirit only but you still pocket the subsidy.

Of course I don’t want to single you out, because Fullers Ferries, NZ Bus and all other companies in the scheme could be playing the same game for all we know.

So I am looking forward to your explanation, especially since I have forwarded this also to relevant subsidy-providing authorities. After all, in these times of great need for fiscal rectitude we must ensure the tax and rate dollar is wisely spent but not on self-help corporate welfare.

Yours sincerely,

UPDATE 9 March: No response from the bus company but politicians have been in touch wanting to know more about this. Auckland Councillor Mike Lee, Nikki Kaye MP and Jacinda Ardern MP are curious.

UPDATE 10 MARCH: A letter from Fullers manager Michael Fitchett:

Thank you for the feedback about your friend’s experience on board one of our bus services. Please ask your friend to contact me to supply us with the relevant details so that we can carry out an investigation. Our normal practice in these events is to conduct a proper examination of the situation and act on the results of it.
We can only assume at this point that the matter was an innocent mistake on the part of our driver, which was one of the possibilities you raised. Mistakes do happen and in the normal course of events the passenger directly involved would take the matter up with the driver at the time. You also made the point that a possible explanation for the event might be fraudulent behaviour. Fraud is a serious matter and we have a zero tolerance policy toward it which is why I wish to investigate the allegation.
Throughout our business we have instituted procedures to counter fraudulent use of the SuperGold card use. We instance the fact that passengers who want to travel by ferry must show their Super Gold cards when buying a ticket and again when boarding the ferry. People might find having to show their cards twice an inconvenience but it does demonstrate that we are serious about following the rules to the letter. It is in the interests of everybody that we protect the Super Gold card scheme as it currently stands because it provides great benefits to New Zealanders over 65 years.
We have already bought your communication to the notice of the authorities and if you could get your friend to contact us I will be providing Auckland Transport with a report on the incident – which again is standard procedure in these events.
Thank you for passing this information on to us you can assist us by asking your friend to contact me.

I have mailed him the ticket details and he was happy with that for his investigation. The bigger question of the systemic weakness in protecting the taxpayer will need to be addressed by politicians.

UPDATE 15 APRIL: After prodding the Waiheke Bus Company management about their investigation into the SGC ticket issue to a fare paying passenger Michael Fitchett got back to me:

Yes there has been an investigation into this matter, it has been concluded and the outcome has been reported to AT [Auckland Transport], in fact it was earlier this week that I reported in full to AT. I had also some weeks ago given them a progress update.
Not only did we report the conclusion but we also reported in full how we carried out the investigation. I am however reluctant to allow the findings and knowledge of our investigation methodologies to become public knowledge for a couple of important reasons.
· We wish to protect the identities of innocent people affected.
· Our investigation methods are understandably confidential to us.
· Auckland Transport were the affected party and we don’t think it is our position to speak for them.

But having said that we are happy for you to contact Auckland Transport and ask them for the result of the investigation – they are the Authority and we will be happy with their call on this matter.

So now I have to write to Auckland Transport asking which of the scenarios was true:
- the bus driver pocketed the fare (but the bus company doesn't mind much because it still collects the SGC subsidy from AT)
- the company has a policy of issuing SGC tickets to fare paying passengers (by which defrauding AT)
- the bus driver made a mistake (but the company doesn't really mind because it's not a loss for them, only AT)

And if any of the above scenarios are the case, what is AT's future policy regarding the auditing of SGC ticket issuance?

Gay Melbourne

2011-02-28T14:59:00.000+13:00

Apparently there are two areas in Melbourne with a number of gay venues, one north and one south of the river. We had only time explore the northern one, around Smith / Peel and Gipps Streets, plus a short walk around St Kilda on the beach.
Dave showed us Melbourne's "gay beach", a stretch of sand next to the port but it was unappealing. Melbourne being situated on a lagoon-style bay cut off from the ocean doesn't make for great wave action. Of course we're biased because of our attachment to Waiheke beaches, but I couldn't see the appeal of spending a Summer's day next to container shipping and traffic. St Kilda proper is an old-style resort, complete with luna park, but it was cute and the food excellent (as it was in all places we dined). Acland Street is just what a beachside resort main street should look like: little traffic, outside dining and entertainment and a tram down the middle of the street.

The gay venues we went to were The Laird (149 Gipps Street, Abbotsford - train station Collingwood), an old-style pub with various bars and theme nights such as pool competitions, boot shining and leather parties, etc. The Sunday night we were there the local gay rugby team, the Chargers, was fund raising with a social BBQ. A friendly and laid back local pub, popular with more mature men. There is accommodation too but we heard it was quite noisy on weekends - perhaps you don't need or want much sleep then anyway.
Club 80 (NSFW link) (8-10 Peel Street, Collingwood - Smith Street trams) is a refurbished multi-storey warehouse designed as a social and cruise club, including a large (non-porn) movie theatre, internet cafe and social space. The upper floors are extensive cruising areas and spots for specialist sexual activity. There are regular theme nights for which you can dress up or down. The night we went it was Nud night, where the ground floor was re-created as a mosh pit. It was far too dark to be pleasurable or agreeable but obviously a lot of men like it that way considering there were about 150. Pricey entry at $18.50 but with those number of punters it'd be a surprise you came away with nothing.
Another popular venue just around the corner from Club 80 is Sircuit (103 Smith Street, Fitzroy - Smith Street trams), which some nights isn't exclusively male. A large cavernous pub with multiple pool tables and occasional theme nights, with upstairs cruising and cinema areas. The Monday night we were there was ButtNaked (check website for dates and entry conditions), which was quite fun seeing all those blokes - of all ages and sizes - play pool and have a swell time au naturel. The upstairs cruise area doesn't really work that well: there is a limit to the demand for glory holes and way too few R&R areas. But it was quite sociable and chatty, and there was an amazing turnout for a Monday school night.
Final word about our accommodation. We stayed at OzGuys, a gay homestay run by Mike and Mark, situated in a new South Melbourne apartment block 10 floors up and a great view over the city. Not extremely cheap in NZ$ but close to everything, walkable from town and includes breakfast. Highly recommended! (disclaimer: we paid for our accommodation)

Victorian excursion

2011-02-28T14:12:00.000+13:00

Our Kiwi friend Dave, who lives in Melbourne, kindly took us out into the Victorian countryside (remarkably scruff looking grass they have here, I pity those cows and sheep that have to chomp on that) to Mount Macedon on the way to Bendigo. The mountain, about 1,000 metres high, has a war shrine and cross on the top but also a great view over the countryside all the way, on sunny days, to Melbourne. It was, helas, a semi-cloudy, windy and chilly day on the top which had us shivering and sheltering soon. The upside, of course, was that no snake was to be seen.
We soon legged it down to another landmark, Hanging Rock, a massive volcanic outcrop in an otherwise quite featureless landscape. The place is famous for being the setting of Australian novel and film "Picnic at Hanging Rock". It's a steep climb up and it's easy to get disorientated in the crags and boulders at the top plateau. It's an eerie place and you can see why it would make such a good setting for a mystery novel.
On the way back to town we dropped in on Daylesford, a charming country spa town reminiscent of Martinborough, and it even boasts its own gay festival called Chill Out.

Melbourne: walk the town

2011-02-28T13:11:00.002+13:00

Melbourne is eminently walkable. The city centre and most of its attractions worth visiting are all easy to reach on foot, and it's a great help the city isn't hilly. Along the waterfronts on both sides of the river it is largely pedestrianised with quiet places to sit and expensive places to eat and drink. There are two marvellous footbridges across, one where you can check out Australia's multicultural make-up and the number of foreign nationals that live here ranged per nationality.
There is a large array of walks available on the tourist website. We did four:

Secret Gardens: taking in most of the Royal Botanical Gardens and areas around the riverfront. Gardens are not really my specialty but I was happy to tag along and we saw some spectacular plants I hadn't come across before, such as the grass tree (pictured left). There was also some unusual wildlife in the Botanic Garden such as turtles on the search for new nesting places. The Gardens are right in the centre of town, which make them a popular refuge from the bustle, and a popular jogging tour (but why you would want to run in high temperatures is a mystery to me).
On the edge of the Botanic Gardens is the large Shrine of Remembrance, a memorial to the Australian war dead, pretty much standard issue, but you could freely walk up to a balcony and the view over the city was spectacular. War memorials always have a schizoid nature of wanting to both glorify the dead (and by extension, war) and to be a place to contemplate peace (or any alternatives to war). This one certainly bended towards the glorification side, what with very little individual names of dead soldiers on show and concentrating more on the various battles and wars the Australian forces have been involved in.

Arcades and Lanes: a real treat in the Melbourne urban landscape are its myriad of little lanes between broad avenues and arcades linking them too. Too narrow for traffic and expressly conceived as upmarket shopping areas with beautiful architecture and flooring, it's a pedestrian paradise. Alfresco dining (even if it was slightly too cramped during busy times) is popular and tasty, if somewhat pricey. Niagara Lane was my favourite, devoid of any commercial activity but looking very much like Amsterdam without the canals.

The Cosmopolitan: very much a trek through Chinatown, the Greek precinct and the upmarket Collins St shopping area. One financial centre had a sumptuous (if somewhat gauche) ground floor entrance complete with indoor water pools, gold leaf walls 5 metres up and an array of corporate art - i.e. meaningless but expensive looking sculptures.

Elegant Enclave: definitely my favourite walk taking us to the eastern side of the CBD beyond the Government buildings and parks to a largely intact, lovely restored and sensitively built quarter with Victorian, art deco, gothic and modernist architecture. Many upmarket early Melburnians lived here, and it was remarkably quiet and leafy. The George Street Cafe was fantastic and surprisingly affordable for lunch.

Melbourne: more art

2011-02-28T09:09:00.001+13:00

Spending a week in Melbourne was probably not enough with digesting the terrible news from New Zealand putting a dampener on the planned proceedings. Visiting many attractions had to be postponed until next time, such as the Melbourne Museum and the Immigration Museum. But we tried to get in a lot of art and a sense of the city.

First up was the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art, housed in a magnificent building - a former brewery - in a redeveloped former industrial part of South Melbourne.
It stages temporary exhibitions in one room each, with Joseph Kosuth's installation, inspired by the play "Waiting for Godot", an outstanding piece. In a darkened room, excerpts from the dialogue ran on the high walls in illuminated lettering but it was illegible head on, you had to stand in the corners to be able to read them at an acute angle. Quite disorientating in the dark but you could let the text be your guide.

More contemporary Australian art was on show in the National Gallery of Victoria Australian section on Federation Square, with the exhibition "Stormy Weather: Contemporary Landscape Photography" my favourite. Some truly outstanding pictures of (Australian) landscapes expressing the ravages on the land by the country's weather and climate. Murray Fredericks "Salt" (pictured right) were just stunning and eerie, where the salt plains merged with the skies.

Further out of town in a suburb incongruously called Heidelberg, the Heide Museum of Modern Art sits in a parkland besides the Yarra River. It used to be a farm whose owners got into modern art, but has now been engulfed by suburbia. A new building conceived as a house and art gallery to live in was built down the hill. It has very few windows as many walls were needed to hang art on. It comes complete with a 1970s conversation pit. The pieces on show were all drawings, but they suffered from being on sandstone colour walls, which did nothing to set them off. It would have been better to hang them on darker backgrounds.
A third building housed the gallery shop and spaces for temporary exhibitions. The grounds were turned into a kitchen garden, park and outdoor sculpture exhibition space.

Melbourne: National Gallery of Victoria International

2011-02-27T18:03:00.000+13:00

One is starved of European art in New Zealand and you have to travel a long way to get a fill, but luckily Melbourne has a quite marvellous but not overwhelming collection of Western (and Asiatic and Pacific) art. It took 2 days to visit most of the National Gallery of Victoria International and Australian venues.
The permanent collections, mainly purchased as the result of a 1904 bequest by a local benefactor, Mr Albert Felton, are quite a nice introduction to all periods, countries and schools and art forms in the Western canon, with an especially lovely Flemish and Dutch painting collection (including Rembrandt). Not only paintings and sculpture but also beautiful glass work and modernist furniture (such as Ludwig Mies Van Der Rohe and Gerrit Rietveld).

The temporary exhibitions included a small selection of drawings and paintings by Gustave Moreau, which was interesting if you are into highly decorative, symbolic and scantily-clad feminine figures from history and myth. My favourite was "Hercules and Omphale" (pictured left) because it's so wonderfully rude with him, while obviously sexually aroused, being forced by her to stare at her barely veiled private parts. The painting was not available in poster form in the Gallery shop, unfortunately.

A very different kettle of fish was on offer next door with a travelling exhibition from the Queensland Art Gallery on New Zealand art called "Unnerved". It's a ramshackle collection of mainly non-pakeha art by artists from a variety of ethnic backgrounds, purportedly telling a nervous story about being in New Zealand, from black and white short films about growing up poor in a Pacific household to larger than life full colour photographs of Maori mythical figures. It's supposed to "unsettle" us but I was mainly offended instead of amused, especially by a series of photograph/collages showing state houses and their tenants (their heads replaced by photos of anonymous mental health patients cut out of a medical text book). If their portraits had been non-white there would have been an outcry.
There were two pieces that were brilliant: the seal balancing a piano on its nose, and a short film of two "brothers" sharing a piece of chewing gum.
Even the Gallery coffee shop staff (mostly New Zealanders) thought the exhibition was terrible.

Melbourne: public transport

2011-02-27T16:23:00.003+13:00

Visiting a city for the first time as a tourist, nothing is more important than clear, concise, accurate and omnipresent information about public transport. On my first trip ever to Melbourne, noted and famed for its European atmosphere combined with an Australian easy-going-ness, this is the one aspect it badly failed me. All the integrated ticketing and environmentally friendly trams and trains did not detract from the fact that information about where to go, what lines to use or how to obtain and validate tickets was basically non-existent. It had us asking the (ever so friendly and helpful) tram driver where to buy a ticket and whether to use the validation pods or not. Official information, which I tried to find online, on routes is woefully inadequate. On the tram network diagram all routes have the same colour, and the map must rate as the worst in the world. The train network diagram isn't any better, and worse, at Flinders Street Station, even this map was nowhere to be found on the station concourse or platforms. It made travel really a chore because trains don't stop at all stations, which may make for a bummer journey if you're not careful. This map is actually far better but it is nigh impossible to print out due to its size.
That said, the trams and trains services were excellent in frequency and range. The A$3.70 fare for unlimited 2-hour travel was not too bad (considering the NZ$ is at a decade-low against the A$).

Headland 2011

2011-02-15T12:51:00.000+13:00

Only one week to go to catch this year's Headland: Sculpture on the Gulf. We went last week as the sun was going down over the city and the heat was bearable for the trek across.
It's not the first time we've been to this bi-annual event: check my (short) reviews of 2005 and 2009.

Again a very mixed bag of art, some funny and whimsical, some pretentious and baffling, with most horribly overpriced. The corrugated iron weed matting was especially a waste of effort (what a lot of man hours must have gone into that) and it looked messy. My favourite? "You Are Here" by Matt Akehurst (pictured): iconic yellow New Zealand road signs pointing to a number of iconic western art works and their distances away from where you are now. A perfect illustration of New Zealand's cultural cringe being so far removed from the art canon and probably never be able to contribute to it.
I heard the artist will change the distance indicators depending on where you will place it in your garden.

My Penis and Everyone Else's

2011-02-04T10:34:00.000+13:00

Men and their dicks have the most intimate of relationships but, like in most relationships, it can all go horribly wrong and divorce isn't really an option unless you are a transsexual, of course. The Documentary Channel showed "My Penis and Everyone Else's" (watch it here) exploring the vast terrain of the fixations men have with their dicks: whether it's the wrong length, girth, shape, colour, in bad working order or laughed at by women. Comparing cocks isn't really an option in the straight world and mental health issues are being created by the distorted lenses used in pornography showing unrealistic but aspirational sizes, girths and tumescence. Competition between men is fierce in the sexual arena and it's made even more relentless by the perceived female judgments behind their backs. Somebody should tell those smirking women that it's not the cock that's too small but their vagina that's too big. It would save a lot of male heartache and anxiety.
Again unfortunately, this was a very hetero-centred programme and forgot to draw on the vast real-life experience of gay men in penis sizes and shapes and not only from pornography. Gay men of course have size issues too, hence the half-jokingly gay male dual typology of size queens or liars. Not that that encourages gay men to talk about their dicks either but at least they are not as ignorant as the males in the film at the (inspired) exhibition of photographs of anonymous (flaccid) cocks collected via Snap Your Chap. I was surprised that no-one picked up on the fact that flaccid cocks are really a bad indicator of how big they can grow and thus shouldn't be a worry (or as Gay Banker said he'd rather have a hard one than a large one). But the revealing thing was that it only took a few pints of beer at the exhibit to get the boys talking and eventually snapping their chappies too for an instant polaroid addition to the exhibition.
The one thing that did annoy me was the cod historical lesson in classical Greek sexual aesthetics. Greek marble statues of boys and men have all small penises but you cannot conclude therefore that Greek people ignored genitalia. The aim of the statues was to portray the ideal body, i.e. its athleticism and muscle definition. Since the penis isn't a muscle and therefore can't be worked on at the gymnasium, having big cocks on statues would only detract from the real object of beauty: those shoulders, those arms, those pecs, those legs, that six-pack, that arse! And pointing out that satyrs and 'uncivilised' creatures were portrayed as having big cocks just means that as long as you have big one you don't need to be beautiful to be successful in the sexual arena. A truth still valid today.

Fiesta Del Sol 2011

2011-01-30T15:00:00.002+13:00

Since I had such a great time at last year's edition of Fiesta Del Sol, I was keen to do it all again this year. A cyclone threatened the island but came and went before the party started so all good.
The venue had been reconfigured compared to last year. No longer was there a sloping dance floor in the hardcore tent as it was shifted to the car park in front of the vineyard's main building; and the main event took place in open air between the palm trees. The star of the show, Mr Sanchez, arrived in suitable style by black helicopter and a security detail worthy of visiting state dignitaries, but by then the main area was so packed there was simply no room move any limbs so the audience was reduced to waving arms and hands. Quite disappointing.
Much more fun in the other dance tent where a selection of New Zealand DJs played shorter sets and it proved to be a much more exhilarating experience than Mr Sanchez.
The assorted beautiful Auckland people were out in force again, especially since ticket sales had been limited due to the threatening weather, which also made it into a less packed and frenetic atmosphere. Shirts stayed on the boys this time, a cool southwesterly breeze would have made those nipples stand even perter. But enough singlets were worn to show off those all-important tattoos and muscles.

Roger Sanchez live set video here.

Think big city, act small town

2011-01-14T09:09:00.004+13:00

Now that Auckland, auto-describing itself as "Big Little City", will be celebrating its 171st birthday in a few weeks' time, but the first one as a unified local authority, with a fireworks display that will cost $25,000 (!), it's time to put a bit local pride back into its various spread out villages and what better way to do this than to adopt new names for people living locally and who do not always want to be known as Aucklanders (or Jafas).
So here's a list of all the burbs in Auckland and suggested monikers for their residents. Please add your own so we can have a full complement to send to the Council.

Central Isthmus

* Arch Hill: Arch Hillbillies
* Avondale: Avondaleks, Avondalit
* Blockhouse Bay
* Balmoral: Balmoralists
* Eden Terrace
* Ellerslie: Ellerslie-ins
* Epsom: Epsomdomites
* Freemans Bay
* Glendowie
* Glen Innes: Glen Innocents
* Grafton: Grifters
* Greenlane
* Grey Lynn
* Herne Bay
* Hillsborough
* Kingsland
* Kohimarama
* Lynfield
* Meadowbank
* Mission Bay
* Morningside
* Mount Albert
* Mount Eden
* Mount Roskill: Roskillers
* Mount Wellington
* Newmarket: Newmarketeers
* Newton: Newtonians
* New Windsor: New Windsorknots
* Onehunga
* One Tree Hill: One Tree Hillbillies
* Orakei
* Oranga
* Otahuhu: Otahuhugrubs
* Owairaka: Owairakish
* Panmure: Panmurals
* Parnell: Parnellies
* Penrose: Penroses
* Point England: Point Engerlanders
* Point Chevalier: Maurice
* Ponsonby: Ponsonbyterians
* Remuera
* Royal Oak: Royal Oakleaves
* Saint Heliers
* Saint Johns
* Saint Mary’s Bay
* Sandringham: Sandringhamptons
* Tamaki
* Te Papapa: Te Papapas and Te Mamamas
* Three Kings: Myrrhs
* Waikowhai: Waikowhyohwhy
* Waterview: Brisbanites
* Westfield
* Westmere: Westmites

North Shore

* Albany: Albanians
* Bayswater
* Beach Haven
* Belmont: Belmontezumas
* Birkdale: Birkdaleks
* Birkenhead: Birkenheadcases
* Browns Bay
* Campbells Bay
* Castor Bay
* Chatswood: Chatswoodsmen
* Crown Hill: Crown Hillbillies
* Cuthill: Cuthillbillies
* Devonport: Devonportuguese
* Fairview
* Forrest Hill: Forest Hillbillies
* Glenfield
* Glenvar: Glenvariables
* Greenhithe: Greehithers and Dithers
* Highbury
* Hillcrest
* Long Bay
* Mairangi Bay
* Marlborough
* Meadowood: Meadowoodsmen
* Milford
* Murrays Bay
* Northcote: Northcoteries
* North Harbour: North Harbourgeois
* Rosedale: Rosedaleks
* Rothesay Bay
* Oteha
* Pinehill: Pinehillbillies
* Stanley Bay
* Sunnynook: Sunnynooks & Crannies
* Takapuna: Takapunakaiki
* Torbay
* Waiake
* Wairau Valley: Wairau Valley Girls
* Westlake: Westlacqueys
* Windsor Park: Windsor Parquettes
* Unsworth Heights

South Auckland and eastern suburbs

* Airport Oaks
* Beachlands
* Brookby: Brookbyterians
* Bucklands Beach
* Chapel Downs
* Clendon
* Clevedon: Clevedores
* Clover Park
* Cockle Bay
* Dannemora: Dannemoralists
* East Tamaki
* Eastern Beach
* Farm Cove: Farm Covens
* Flamboro Heights
* Flat Bush: Short & Curlies
* Goodwood Heights
* Greenmeadows
* Half Moon Bay: Half Moonies
* Heron Point
* Highland Park
* Hill Park
* Howick: Howickeds, Howickets
* Kawakawa Bay
* Mahia Park
* Mangere
* Mangere Bridge
* Mangere East
* Manukau
* Manukau Heights
* Manurewa
* Maraetai: Maraetaidyeds
* Meadowlands
* Mellons Bay
* Middlemore
* Murphys Heights
* North Park
* Orere Point
* Otara
* Pakuranga: Pakurangutans
* Papatoetoe: Papatootsies
* Porchester Park
* Puhinui: Puhinuiguineans
* Randwick Park
* Redoubt Park
* Richmond Park
* Settlers Cove
* Shelly Park
* Silkwood Heights
* Sommerville: Sommervillains
* The Gardens
* Totara Heights
* Tuscany Estate: Tusks
* Waimahia Landing
* Wattle Cove
* Wattle Downs
* Weymouth
* Whitford
* Wiri

Papakura

* Addison: Addisons & Daughters
* Alfriston: Alfristoners
* Ardmore
* Conifer Grove: Conifer Grovelers
* Longford Park
* Manurewa East
* Pahurehure: Pahurehurlings
* Papakura: Papacures
* Opaheke
* Red Hill: Red Hillbillies
* Rosehill: Rosehillbillies
* Takanini: Takaninnies

West Auckland

* Glen Eden
* Glendene: Glendenizens
* Green Bay: Packers
* Henderson
* Hobsonville: Hobsonvillains
* Kelston: Kelstoners, Kelstone Cops
* Konini: Koninnies
* Laingholm
* Massey
* New Lynn
* Oratia: Oratiaras
* Ranui
* Sunnyvale
* Swanson: Swansongs
* Te Atatu: Te Atatutus, Te Atatutsi
* Titirangi: Titirangitanes
* Waiatarua
* Waitakere
* West Harbour: West Harbourgeois
* Whenuapai: Whenuapies

Gulf Islands

* Great Barrier
* Rakino
* Waiheke

Auckland train system

2010-12-26T14:11:00.005+13:00

I took a train ride for the first time in Auckland for many years, from the shiny Britomart Station (pictured left) all the way south to Middlemore Hospital. It was just after rush hour (18:26), and the train was surprisingly rather empty, perhaps 20 people in our carriage, which could easily hold 200.
The system (map) has been ramshackle from its origins and for many decades neglected in favour of road building. Lately they are upgrading the network, but it's still diesel locos and narrow in and out to Britomart, which is a major bottleneck preventing an expansion of the number of services into this station. Why do engineers only build for the present and never for the future?
Anyway, a longish tunnel out and then a swing into Parnell up to Newmarket. Quite a long distance, there really should be a Parnell Station for the suburb and a bridge to the university if they ever want to up ridership. The train goes remarkably slow - slower than the London Underground, I reckon. And there is a train conductor too, who collects fares and decides when doors open and close and when the train starts rolling again. Of course, this being un-integrated Auckland, my public transport pass for most ferry and bus services is certainly not valid on the train. It'll be a good time before we get anything like an Octopus or Oyster card (our version is going to be called "Hop Card"). The fare was $4.10 for about 30-minute ride over 16km. (Not a bad fare considering we pay $17.50 for a 40-minute ride over 22km on the ferry)

Middlemore Station is very conveniently located when you want to visit the hospital or attend the local schools (we were invited to a Xmas function at King's College). But the other stations like Remuera, Penrose, Westfield or Otahuhu are really in the middle of nowhere, or rather in an industrial wasteland - pointing to the original purpose of the Auckland rail network: goods transport to and from the industrial zones to the port and the hinterland. It was never conceived or designed as a passenger network, and I can't really see how they are going to get the stations closer to homes and businesses where people actually want to travel.

Poikien Bisnes / All Boys

2010-12-10T08:31:00.003+13:00

It's not only the western economy that is in a funk these days, please spare a thought for the creative, poor, but good-looking young men who, in their ephebic years, could always rely on making much more money by getting their clothes off and getting it on than working in a dead-end job, but now, thanks to the creative destructive forces of the internet, file sharing and sheer ease of satisfying customer demand for fresh faces, the economics of the porn industry have collapsed under the weight of over-supply of films, easy DIY marketing and zero distribution costs.
A Finnish documentary, Poikien Bisnes (All Boys), seen on NZ's Documentary Channel the other night, was a worthwhile attempt to trace the gay porn business in Central Europe, especially its move eastwards by producers searching for ever cheaper models. If you have been fed up with all that relentless Czech and Hungarian twink for the past decade, you are not alone! But the expose of the sheer exploitation by mostly foreign (German, American) porn producers - inevitably always sleazy old men - of any hairless, white, uncut, well-hung young man with a swimmer's physique, is the film's major strength. One of them proudly told us that his was the first full length bareback movie which heralded the condom-less trend in porn production, and which has led to a general disregard for the health and safety of his 'employees'. And then he had the hypocritical gall to tell us that his favourite model 'didn't love him' or 'only thought of himself', so he had to get rid of the boy after his cherubic years were over, back to the homelessness of the Prague streets, while bemoaning the fact that his films were available all over the internet for free and he's not able to make money anymore from trawling the Eastern European back alleys for fresh meat. Forgive me for not feeling sorry for him. But the health havoc he caused is unforgivable.

I have blogged on gay barebacking videos before ("Making money from the plague") and have discussed the issue with the NZ Film Censor.

Director Markku von Heikinnen's background notes here.

They put a bell on it?

2010-12-09T13:01:00.004+13:00

How do you test whether you are gay or claim that you are gay? You could do the gay-o-meter test. And how to separate the wheat from the chaff? The questions apparently vex the Czech immigration service who, when confronted with would-be asylum seekers who claim they are being persecuted for being gay in their home countries, apply a "phallometric" test to separate the queers from the fake ones, as it were:

The Fundamental Rights Agency said the Czech Republic was the only EU country still using a "sexual arousal" test.
Gay asylum seekers are hooked up to a machine that monitors blood-flow to the penis and are then shown straight porn.
Those applicants who become aroused are denied asylum.
The agency said in a report that "it is dubious whether [the test] reaches sufficiently clear conclusions".
It said the practice could violate the European Convention on Human Rights "since this procedure touches upon a most intimate part of an individual's private life". [...]
The tests were always conducted under the supervision of experts, said the officials, and always with the asylum seeker's full written consent.
The case first came to light after a German court refused to deport an Iranian asylum seeker to the Czech Republic, saying as a homosexual he would be subjected to the test.

You don't need to have a sexology degree to see immediately that this kind of test is completely invalid: I have met more men into sex with with men at straight porn cinemas than at gay venues. Getting aroused by straight porn is very poor indicator of your sexual orientation. Remember, there are naked men on screen, so duh! What does deflate me is lesbian porn (despite being a libertine I can't confess to liking everything I see!) and have found that a far better indicator of whether you are straight or just play straight.
And, please tell me, Czech immigration officers, how do you evaluate lesbian asylum seekers?

Paul Canning's original report here.

Fun with maps

2010-11-16T15:53:00.001+13:00

The only things missing are a slow motion button and a year counter.

Isn't Dutch cuisine an oxymoronic concept?

2010-11-16T12:45:00.004+13:00

Dutch state TV broadcaster NOS reports that a restaurant in Zeeuws Vlaanderen (the bit of Zeeland that has no natural link to the rest of the Netherlands, only a tunnel and ferries) has won the "Best restaurant in the Netherlands" accolade for the second year running.
In the maybe 100 times I have visited The Netherlands I can honestly say I only had one great dining experience, on Terschelling (one of the Wadden islands) in 1983.
So if you are curious what the #1 dining spot this year has to offer (at 185 euros a person for a set menu!), check out the pictures of the dishes on the Oud Sluis website. But please, don't do this before lunch, because I'm sure it will put you off as much as it did me wanting to touch any of that Santorum without surgical gloves.

Waiheke Local Board inauguration

2010-11-07T11:49:00.002+13:00

Excellent reportage on the OneWaiheke site of the installation of the new Waiheke Local Board.
The Mayor, Len Brown, got a hugely warm welcome - not surprising since he won Waiheke by about 80% of the votes. But our new Councillor Mike Lee and his colleague Cathy Casey got ovations too.
We left the hall after symbolically seconding Denise Roche's nomination to become Board chair, and we left them to it for a well-deserved bevvy at the local hostelry.

The videos give a good picture of the atmospherics in the meeting hall. It was obvious the Mayor had a memorably grand day out on Waiheke!

Videos courtesy of DJongrass

What shall we do with the drunken sailors?

2010-11-04T09:25:00.004+13:00

From Stuff: HMNZS Taupo crew got drunk at the pub and attacked a Nelson home.

The frightening incident left six windows smashed in the house next to the Ocean Lodge pub where police say the sailors got drunk.
[Felicity] Hurst, a Stopping Violence Services team leader, her son, daughter and her daughter's friend were in the house when the attack started at 11.30pm on Tuesday last week.
She leapt out of bed and yelled at the attackers, who went to the glass-panelled front door, kicked in two panes and tried to force it open.
"They were smashing and smashing and in quite a frenzy, yelling," she said.
Police rounded up nine sailors – almost half Taupo's crew – and took them back to the vessel at Port Nelson.

Half the crew has alcohol indulgence problems. Too much rum, sodomy and the lash? Or just too much rum and not enough of the other pastimes.

UPDATE: Two sailors were sent to a military prison for 30 days and their future career in the Navy is uncertain.

More fun with maps

2010-10-29T10:54:00.002+13:00

From my never-ending fascination with maps, here's something you can buy me for Christmas: A London Underground wall map with all station names replaced by British films/actors/directors - and the fun thing is to actually link the new name with the original name. I see an interesting parlour game coming up, such as: Alfred Hitchcock - Leytonstone.

PDF sample version here.

Local Board watch

2010-10-28T17:12:00.003+13:00

The new Waiheke Local Board hasn't been sworn in and there are already ructions, claims of underhand tactics, undemocratic takeovers and all sorts of other shenanigans commensurate with village politics. Follow the discussion (and take part) at OneWaiheke.

The local media, especially in the form of the Waiheke Marketplace (formerly owned by one of the new Board members) has been lacklustre in both the election campaign and the aftermath. So off it was with a letter to the editor to that effect:

Dear George,

If you want to be the Waiheke newspaper of note, you will have to ensure that I do not have to go read the Herald for Waiheke news instead.

Your coverage of the Local Board shambles in last week's issue was in journalistic terms non-existent and the "she-said-she-did" stoush was entirely and unjustifiably left to the letters' page without editorial comment.

It has been obvious that Marketplace was not entirely neutral in the run-up to the elections, with various soft cock stories (no offense to the roosters!) on Ms Storer, which made the editorial bias transparent.
I will expect a far more critical eye being cast over the future actions of the Local Board by your newspaper to ensure Faye, Rich & White do not rule Waiheke absolutely.

Shortly after sending it I got a call from George. She said the reason there was not extensive coverage yet was due to Labour weekend, when the news stops. Also, the Marketplace had stories on Colin Beardon and other candidates so there was no editorial bias.

Policy-free modelling contest

2010-10-10T16:16:00.003+13:00

The Albany ward elections were one of the fun races to behold. And it shouldn't surprise anyone that the hottest boy won.

Well, it can't have been a difficult choice if you were up against this or this.

Waiheke Board elections

2010-10-09T17:34:00.005+13:00

With 95% of the votes counted our new local board will look like this:

Denise Roche, the sitting Councillor; Faye Storer, a former Councillor with a past; Jo Holmes, a cashed up entrepreneur after selling the Waiheke Marketplace to Fairfax; Don McKenzie, a former Rotary chairman; and Jim Hannan, a conspiracy theorist.

A fairly dispiriting lot in my opinion. In short: the cashed up, the mashed up and the washed up.

Better news on the mainland: Len Brown will be mayor and Mike Lee will be our Councillor on the new Auckland Council, which will be deciding the competences of the local boards. Hopefully there will be not too much power so the damage they will be able to inflict can be limited.
Ewen came 12th out of 17. Not too bad.

Those Belgians and their croissant munching habits

2010-10-07T13:07:00.004+13:00

Belgian model Florian Van Bael was kicked off a Bruce Weber/Abercrombie & Fitch photoshoot in the Hamptons because he tucked into a croissant.
What a terribly pathetic excuse by fat slob Weber and his overpriced underpants emporium mates. Don't they realise growing boys (not only Belgian ones) have a healthy appetite and Europeans have no natural aversion to carbs?
It certainly looks like our Florian certainly isn't worse for wear for indulging in his culinary culture.
If you have body issues, there is nothing a nice croissant can't fix.

Source: Queerty

Support on all sides

2010-10-05T11:47:00.005+13:00

A 38% more pronounced bulge or a 20% lift of your bum: buying underwear is suddenly fraught with choice.
Marks & Spencer launched two lines of male equipment supporting undies, which are supposed to give men more self-confidence.

I, of course, am never taken in by all that preening and fluffing and cod-piecing. The proof, delight or disappointment always comes up when it gets stripped away.
A truly confident man goes commando anyway.

When imperial measurements won't do

2010-09-29T17:10:00.003+13:00

A dating website (Manhunt.net) did some national breakouts for average penis sizes on the punters' profiles.
We all know what gay inches are so the actual numbers shouldn't surprise you.

As I've mentioned before, the Danes are expert cocksuckers and the Norwegians have bigger cocks.
Here in New Zealand, one of the most multicultural immigrant countries, it pretty much depends on your ethnic mix. I couldn't possibly generalise on penis sizes. It's definitely liquorice allsorts in the lollypop department here.

Fun with maps, again

2010-09-26T21:28:00.004+13:00

"How gay men see Europe", at least according to Alphadesigner.
Highly stereotypical and way too generalistic. Scotland should be "kilts", Denmark should be vikings or B&O, Sweden Ikea of course and Finland Nokia - or Tom Land. I love the Slovak and Hungarian labels but France is hardly twinkville. There is more to the Germans than dungeons and more to the English than saunas. But Russia is spot on.
And what about the low countries? Waffles and hash? They have obviously never visited.

Waiheke election time

2010-09-23T11:35:00.003+12:00

The triennial election cycle is upon us again with a postal ballot for the new amalgamated Auckland City, its new super mayor, 20 councillors and a raft of local boards, including the Waiheke Island one.

The local elections on our island are usually good fun and good-natured since everybody knows everybody and hardly any new information about candidates is revealed since some of them have been around for ages.

New islanders may want to brush up on the 2007 Waiheke election here.

This year a deluge of 17 candidates are running for the 5 seats on our board, including Ewen, so I trust you will tick the appropriate box next to his name.

All change at Charles Darwin Station

2010-09-16T17:02:00.002+12:00

The history of science in one easy to follow London Underground-style map. The web version comes with links to every scientist. It should be in every science department of every school.

Aerofloat re-branding launched

2010-09-14T14:27:00.001+12:00

Fullers: We'll Take You ~~There~~ Out.

If Australia were a democracy

2010-08-25T13:28:00.004+12:00

Australia's recent election was held under a very distorting electoral system, and like in Britain, resulting in a hung parliament.
We'll do the same exercise as for the UK in determining what the Australian parliament should have looked like if a proper proportionally democratic electoral system had been used:

Party: votes, vote percentage, seats (difference with current provisional outcome)
Australian Labor Party: 4,089,531 38.47% 58 (-12)
Liberal: 3,230,990 30.39% 46 (+3)
Liberal National Party of Queensland: 960,395 9.03% 14 (-7)
The Greens: 1,210,998 11.39% 17 (+16)
The Nationals: 405,322 3.81% 6 (-1)
Family First: 234,675 2.21% 3 (+3)
CDP Christian Party: 71,262 0.67% 1 (+1)
Independent: 271,323 2.55% 4 (0)

A hung parliament too. Nothing wrong with that. But it would represent Australians better.

What's the problem with nudity?

2010-08-21T13:11:00.005+12:00

The Documentary Channel screened this BBC Horizon programme called "What's the problem with Nudity" the other night.
It tried to figure out why nudity is such a social problem for our species by asking 8 total strangers who have never stripped or been nude in front of other people (and a battery of TV cameras) to do exactly that. Coupled with a potted history of homo sapiens and more ancient forebears, it tried to figure out at what stage in our genetic and cultural history we decided that it was not OK to be around others without "clothes" on.
As this kind of cod TV science goes, it was rather un-illuminating on practically all questions it set out to answer. On the contrary, it left me with a great deal of other queries about aspects that never got touched on.
The obvious clanger was asking 21st Century males and females to rate male chests' sexual attractiveness based on hirsuteness or baldness of said chests. This was supposed to give a clue that evolutionary we have lost our body hair because females preferred to mate with hairless men. But what this really showed was the scientific incompetence of the sex researchers setting up such a thoughtless, biased and uncontrolled experiment: even intuitively (if I may) I would have shown the subjects a range of hairy and hairless women to rate, and I bet the outcome would have been far more pronounced in favour of hairless-ness than the male-only version. Hairy females did far worse evolutionary speaking than hairy males, just look at the number of hairy men still with us compared to the amount of hairy females (ladies with moustaches notwithstanding) and the relentless marketing of lady-shaves, depilatory products and the opprobrium heaped on unshaven continental women.
And we all know that when woman are at their most fertile era in their cycle, they prefer hairy bad boys as bed mates over plucked metrosexuals - and this has a long history too: interbreeding with hairy Neanderthal men apparently was far more common than many of us would like to remember.

The mouse that roared

2010-08-18T15:19:00.001+12:00

Fun with headlines:

Luxembourg attacks Germany

When Wolfgang Schäuble, Germany’s finance minister, next meets his European counterparts, will he be heaped with praise - or brickbats? Germany’s economy is on a roll. It grew by 2.2 per cent in the three months to June, its best quarterly performance since reunification in 1990. But that has not necessarily gone down well with colleagues in other European capitals.

Unnoticed beyond his tiny country’s borders, Jean-Claude Juncker, Luxembourg’s prime minister, earlier this month launched an extraordinary attack on German economic policy, according to the Luxemburger Wort. Germany’s success was based on “wage and social dumping,” Mr Juncker is reported as having said. “The way Germany went about improving its competitiveness, I would not like to see in our country.” Since the launch of the euro in 1999, German workers had seen a meagre 12 per cent rise in wages, whereas his countrymen saw a 41 per cent rise, he went on.

å for awesome!

2010-08-13T11:31:00.002+12:00

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier
When you put genius minds of The Onion and Lars Von Trier together, you get a Danish Tourism Board promotion that is horrifically close to proving why the Danes are the happiest people on earth.
I'm not sure whether Lee Tamahori Meets The Feebles would do the same trick for New Zealand though.

Prisoner beats up gaoler for more mayo

2010-08-02T16:53:00.004+12:00

A typically Belgian news story: A jailbird in Hasselt beats up prison officer because there was not enough mayonnaise on his chips. I get bloody angry too when that happens!

Een cipier van de Hasseltse gevangenis is al een week arbeidsongeschikt, en moet ook deze week nog thuisblijven. Vorige week zondag was hij met de maaltijden in de cellen rondgegaan. Bij een 22-jarige gedetineerde ontstond er een discussie over de frieten. De jongeman vond dat er te weinig mayonaise op de frieten was, en werd agressief. Hij trok de cipier in de cel en gaf hem enkele raken klappen in het gezicht. De cipier moest voor verzorging naar het ziekenhuis, en is minstens veertien dagen arbeidsongeschikt.

UPDATE 2 September: The prisoner has been put on a "strict individual regime" for 3 months as punishment for complaining about the mayonnaise.

The map of human sexuality

2010-07-13T17:01:00.002+12:00

I thought I was well-travelled but confronted with a map like this I have to admit I haven't ventured far.

Visualizing the BP Oil Spill

2010-06-23T14:09:00.002+12:00

If It Was My Home - Visualizing the BP Oil Spill

The scary thing is that it can well happen here too.

Rugby, as it should be played

2010-06-21T14:27:00.005+12:00

That mid-winter time-honoured perennial ritual, the nude rugby match in Dunedin, was upon us again at the weekend, with a hard-fought match between the Nude Blacks and the Welsh Leeks.

TV3 has fantastic video footage of the match here, for which they are risking a telling off by the Broadcast Standards Authority because some anti-nude wowser group is planning to lay a formal complaint.

All sports should be played sans-clothes. It makes it worth participating, and watching!

Links to previous editions here.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

2010-06-19T14:43:00.001+12:00

Rural Bachelor of the Year 2010

2010-06-17T10:40:00.004+12:00

It's that time of year again when the days are shortest and thoughts go to snuggling up in the hay with your favourite farm hand.
Our perennial favourite is the Rural Bachelor of the Year Competition at the Hamilton Fieldays and this year's crop of eligible rural young(-ish) men isn't too shabby.
You can see all entrants here.

My favourite is:

Jacques Reinhardt
Region: Napier
DOB: 13/02/1988
Occupation: Stock Manager
Why should you be Fieldays 2010 Rural Bachelor of the Year? I should be the Fieldays 2010 Rural Bachelor of the Year because I’m driven and motivated to be the best farmer that I can possible be. I have a real passion for farming. I am also attractive and fun to be around and have a good sense of humour. I am very skilled all round the farm and at most things I do. I’m fit and athletic, love animals and people. I am knowledgeable about most varieties of farming. Very sociable and confident. I have a great personality and am very loving and caring.

And the good news? He won.

The trams are coming back

2010-06-03T11:47:00.006+12:00

Almost 60 years after ripping up the tram lines in Auckland, the Regional Council has voted to bring them back. Of a sort, of course, not the whole efficient, environmentally friendly system that ran in the first half of the previous century before addiction to petrol fumes caused under-investment, neglect, buses, cars and motorways to take over.
A new system will get its kick off with a heritage line connecting Britomart and the Wynyard Quarter, which won't be more than a tourist line. Even vintage tram cars will be used, like they do in Christchurch.
From the press release:

The project’s first phase will see heritage trams circuiting the 30 hectare redeveloped Wynyard Quarter linking it with the Britomart Transport Centre.
The proposal was first brought to the ARC’s Transport and Urban Development Committee last year by the Campaign for Better Transport and Auckland’s Museum of Transport and Technology (MOTAT). Feasibility studies have been carried out by the ARC and Sea+City who developed a two phased proposal for the tramway.
Phase one will focus on Wynyard Quarter with a single track loop circuiting Gateway Plaza, Jellicoe Street, Halsey Street, Gaunt Street and Beaumont Street. This is planned to be ready in time for the Rugby World Cup.
Sidings at the western end of Jellicoe Street would house the trams in buildings beside the proposed Silo Park which is being designed to attract people to the western end of Jellicoe Street.
“The return of trams to Auckland’s streets will make a real point of difference for the Wynyard Quarter,” says ARC Chairman, Michael Lee.
“This is a modest beginning, but the longest journey starts with one small step.”
Phase two will see the trams linking to the CBD and connecting with existing public transport at Britomart and on Queen Street.

It will be still a long way from a modern, fast and efficient system that can give private transport a run for their money, so to speak. Like this one:

The UK election in my universe

2010-05-12T12:23:00.003+12:00

In my universe election outcomes should be strictly proportional with the number of seats allocated to party shares of the vote.
In the UK's case: 650 seats and 29,653,638 votes cast (sorry for those unable to vote, campaign for internet voting next time, please).
The threshold is 45,620 votes per seat.

The UK parliament 2010 would have looked like this (633 seat parliament as party votes that reach the treshold qualify for a seat): (difference with FPP outcome in brackets)

Conservative: 234 (-72)
Labour: 188 (-70)
Liberal Democrat: 149 (+92)
Democratic Ulster Party: 3 (-5)
Scottish National Party: 10 (+4)
Sinn Fein: 3 (-2)
Plaid Cymru: 3 (0)
Social Democratic & Labour Party: 2 (-1)
Green Party: 6 (+5)
Alliance Party: 0 (-1)
UK Independence Party: 20 (+20)
British National Party: 12 (+12)
Ulster Conservatives: 2 (+2)
English Democrats: 1 (+1)

The winning post is 317 seats. A Con-LibDem coalition Government would have 383 seats, compared to Lab-LibDem 337.
This means coalition talks would have been far more competitive than current, with real alternative majorities possible.
Let's hope the British come to their senses soon and offer the electorate a real choice everywhere, with votes at equal weighting and parties far clearer on their preferred coalition partners and bottom lines.

Coromandel by ferry

2010-05-03T17:03:00.004+12:00

Off we went for a grand day out yesterday to Coromandel by 360 Discovery Ferries, a dinky boat braving the Hauraki Gulf, Tamaki Strait and Firth of Thames. $69 return from Orapiu to Coromandel town was not too excessive, especially it's far more scenic, and actually faster, than by car or coach.
It seems to cater for tourists and locals alike, offering Coromandelites a fast-ish way to the big smoke and a timetable that allows for a good day out shopping.
On the return trip it called in at Pakatoa and Rotoroa Islands, both off-limits to mere mortals.

Voting for policies, part 2

2010-04-25T15:40:00.003+12:00

Who should I vote for in Scotland? I expected the Scottish National Party but the quiz recommends the Green Party. A coalition of those two should do the trick.

Take the Who Should You Vote For? Scotland quiz

Green		51
Scottish National Party		47
Liberal Democrat		27
Labour		7
UK Independence	-28
Conservative	-55

You expected: SNP

Your recommendation: Green

They say mine, we say ours

2010-04-18T15:14:00.000+12:00

Voting for policies

2010-04-16T16:56:00.005+12:00

The British elections are upon us again and as usual there is a handy guide to voting based on matching your preferences to policies and advising you which party to vote for, rather than relying on shallow gimmicks like TV debates.
My result was rather predictable: massively Green Party with a hint of Liberal Democrat (well, Nick Clegg was the best looking one, if you permit me my moment of shallowness).

5 years ago, I was advised to vote Scottish National Party, not an option in the above survey.
So let's do that survey again (unfortunately it's the general UK one);

Take the Who Should You Vote For? England quiz

Green		63
Liberal Democrat		39
Labour		11
UK Independence	-30
Conservative	-59

You expected: GRN

Your recommendation: Green

UPDATE: I re-did the quiz because it has been split up in regions and a question about Trident added. No significant change in result though.

Malcolm McLaren (1946-2010)

2010-04-09T12:43:00.003+12:00

Malcolm McLaren, patron saint of rock band PR publicists and managers, Chelsea's version of the Wizard of Oz, cultural revolutionary and Situationist iconoclast, has died.
I've never met the man, but have always been amused by his tactics of getting up the noses of many in the establishment, from ITV hacks, Royal Jubilee organisers, tabloid newspaper editors and record company execs to even his former protégé, John Lydon.
He was always worth listening to, his cutting commentary on contemporary culture was always wry and biting. They could barely shut him up when he was on the radio or in nostalgic punk rock documentaries!
Of course he didn't invent punk rock or was its midwife and nanny, but you can't help but think subcultural history would have been different, much less infused with a 1968 ethos, if he hadn't been there. I'd like to remember him as the Daniel Cohn-Bendit of punk, channeling the zeitgeist of the late 1970s and nurturing it into something we can still feel vibrate today.

Scandinavian humour is very droll (again)

2010-04-08T08:22:00.003+12:00

What do Swedish men in their midlife crisis? After all that Ikea flat pack assembling, Volvo selling, Ericsson calling, Swedish au pair seducing lifestyle, they apparently feel a little flat like the rest of the 40 something male world and, incongruous as that may sound, call it a midlife crisis.
Nothing like a little Swedish droll humour to tackle the big issues in life (see Kitchen Stories), so a few of them have decided to join a male synchronised swimming team called "Sinking Men".

Dutch television station VPRO is showing a documentary about them and this is the promo:

Sex shopping in the news

2010-04-01T09:40:00.003+13:00

Stop the press: All Black and rugby mates are shopping for sex toys in Christchurch boutique. Owner spied (and recorded) the transactions but is surprisingly coy about it, considering her line of work.
What we want to know - and a good gossip columnist would tell us such essential details - is how big the dildos were the boys bought for each other.

Making public transport homely

2010-03-30T12:38:00.000+13:00

Here's a good idea from Paris and Tokyo: Ikea is dressing up metro stations to, apart from promoting its brand, show its furniture is really sturdy and hard-wearing as it can cope with the millions that could potentially use the seats.

This would be an excellent idea for the local furniture emporiums to follow. Piers 1 and 2 are screaming out for a makeover because the recent terminal upgrades turned out to be draughty and cold disasters, and what were those designers thinking turning the toilet block into the Pier 2 focal point? Even Matiatia could do with a bit of a spruce up and turning into a lounge worthy of seafarers.

Here's what Homebase (a British furniture and furnishings store) did with Carlisle train station. I love the lampshades!

Links via London Underground blog.

Aural crap = moral crap

2010-03-14T21:15:00.004+13:00

Should certain forms and formats of music and musical expression be banned, not because of their non-conformism to the accepted western forms of music, nor because they are are mere sounds or noise, but because they are akin to illegal drug taking and induce immoral behaviour?
That's the question that vexes Roger Scruton in a lengthy article for The American (the house organ of the American Enterprise Institute).
His answer behoves his epithet as Margaret Thatcher's favourite philosopher: if young people like their music which old people cannot stand or bear to listen to, then it automatically follows that the young are wrong, stupid, self-indulgent, and worse, prone to addiction and immoral behaviour, by insisting on producing, listening to, dancing to and singing along with their generational music.
So there. The western classical canon stands supreme and no amount of political correctness or moral relativism is going to stop him from dissing any form of popular music.
He is bemused by the fact that since the last century "pop music" (a generic term that he uses that encompasses jazz, Elvis, boy bands and death metal - go figure that one out) has been in the ascendancy as the favourite cultural expression of contemporary generations. Worse, even politicians now want to hang out with pop stars and write legislation with them in mind (wot? gay civil unions?) - it must have been the sight of Blair hanging with Bono that made him apopleptic (it made me vomit too, but for entirely different reasons).

But another thought-provoking article I came across (thank you, Arts & Letter Daily) should induce the final heart attack in Scruton The Crouton: the British state and its law enforcement agencies have been using masterpieces of the Western musical canon such as Mozart to drive away youths from venues where they tend to hang out such as shopping malls, bus stops and other public places. Quite rightly the author berates Britain for turning a whole generation against superb classical music, Clockwork Orange-style.
And it's not only music they use. Irritating noise of certain frequencies that only young people are able to hear clearly is flooding public places too.
Until they will find out that you can dance to any noise, even police or alarm sirens.

Bachelor of the Year 2010

2010-03-01T16:56:00.005+13:00

I have the impression that every year a local magazine has trouble finding eligible bachelors who are straight and don't look like total losers. They even had to go find candidates in Australia, Latin America and Germany.
You can judge for yourself here.

I voted for one who isn't a model and because I like my date to be on my side during a pub brawl.

UPDATE: The winner is here.

Chilean quake tsunami

2010-03-01T15:26:00.004+13:00

The tsunami alert yesterday in New Zealand had everybody scrambling to higher ground along all east coasts of New Zealand; the Onetangi Beach Races were postponed two weeks; and most people had to find something else to do but go to the beach on a perfect Summer Sunday.
In the end we got off lightly, only a few sea movements on the beach happened here and there but nothing dramatic.
The map looks really cool, it shows how an earthquake turns the ocean into a shooting gallery. Picture pinched from Tumeke.

Save Radio New Zealand

2010-02-26T08:51:00.004+13:00

Our reactionary, know-the-price-of-everything-and-the-value-of-nothing-Government has non-commercial, publicly owned services in its sights for destruction. Having a Minister in overall charge who made his loot in commercial radio, it's not surprising he's puppeteering the Broadcasting Minister (a medical doctor, go figure) to redirect the large market share public radio enjoys (no wonder given the aural crap on our airwaves) to his commercial mates.
A Facebook campaign has been set up to counteract these retrograde moves, so unfortunately you need to be a member to join the campaign. Which I did temporarily until it is has been saved.

When Jehovah runs out of puff

2010-02-18T15:43:00.004+13:00

There I was, this morning, minding my own business, having a breakfast of egg soldiers, when a knock on the door woke me from my mid-morning reverie. It sort of startled me because we hardly ever get any visitors who have to knock on our front door when they visit (the last one was Denise Roche when she was canvassing for votes in her successful bid to become our City Councillor almost 3 years ago).

A duo of women of a certain age stood there huffing and puffing. The trek to our front door is, firstly, a steep concrete driveway, followed by about 50 steps and, we suspect, many give up halfway, which keeps us thankfully free of street hawkers, beggars and assorted street riff raff, but on the other hand, when faced with a the intrepid climber who actually has made it, I cannot simply turn them down with a stiffly unfriendly grunt. Not even the Jehova's Witnesses, as they seemed to turn out to be - I can't be sure, they never actually identified their faith, but their frequent use of the word Jehova gave a clue. I'm not that au fait with the minutiae of Christian faiths.

So I took pity on them and decide to hear them out, even though I couldn't actually make out what they were preaching about: their trek had left them so short of breath they barely could utter any words. I almost offered them a cuppa but I returned to my senses before I would be saddled with them on the couch for the rest of the morning.
It actually turned out to be a spirited, polite discussion about the "ideal society" and whether man or "the Creator", as she called it, could bring it about.
No prizes for guessing who won that one.
Her fitness was helped by her trek up the stairs so that was one thing she did that was beneficial for her health without the need for her creator. And if she had had a heart attack at the bottom of the hill, our taxpayer-funded health service would have whisked her off to hospital. "The Creator" would have been quite useless as he's not at the other end of a 111 call.

What kind of fratboys are you?

2010-02-12T09:45:00.004+13:00

Latter Days is a film that could only be made in America and only be fully appreciated there. It pushes all the au courant buttons in a culture that is still at war over issues that have long been settled in secular societies. The existential struggle between being gay and being religious going to the heart of American identity (deemed worthy of the epithet "culture war" but really akin to the inability to have tolerance at the core of your society) is such an alien concept to the rest of us living in secular societies.
Mormonism ("The original alternative life-stylers" as described in an all too rare insight by the main character) is this really outlandish form of religion few of us have any connection to, especially outside the USA, and is portrayed in the film in all the familiar cliches: stern patriarch father, neurotic mother and absolutely no insight into family life - even to the point that the "family unit" is never actually seen together at home. They look, sound and act like aliens, strange frat boy pod people on bikes.
I guess if you want to make an 'opposites attract' romance, the other side has to be portrayed as cliched as possible too and the film doesn't fail in that: Los Angeles as a honey pot for fame, fortune and sexual conquest never fails and the movie's non-Mormon characters do their best to act, look and sound as predictable as their religious counterparts.

The storyline is trite: boy meets boy/boy falls for boy/boy loses boy/boy finds boy (it's not like I'm putting any spoilers here); the sex scenes are as vanilla and PGR rated as you can get away with; the evil characters on both sides (usually always the most interesting parts in a movie), the Mormon father and Dirk "the Watersports Boy", undeveloped and cartoon-like; and an obligatory coterie of sympathetic fag hags and their fairytale safe haven refuge (Lila's restaurant - as the Land of Oz reference?) make it an unsatisfactory movie.
If you are looking for gay romance against all cultural odds, maybe try "My Beautiful Laundrette" instead.

Totty award to Steve Sandvoss

Golden Stud 2010

2010-02-05T17:08:00.000+13:00

Belgian TV magazine Humo again is organising its "Golden Stud" competition where you can vote for the sexiest sportsman of the year. Nothing like this ever happens in New Zealand, unfortunately.
Photo specials of the candidates are here, and you can vote here.

I have voted for volleyball player Kristof Hoho. I do like a scarred boy.

Previous Golden Stud competitions are here: 2009, 2008 and 2006.

I think the quality of the field has gone down over the years.

Vostok Lake

2010-02-05T15:18:00.004+13:00

Last night the choice for showbusiness lovers was a tough one in Auckland: AC/DC or Vostok Lake.
So off we went to the Indie Club in Hobson Street for the CD launch tour of Daphne Lawless's latest music project of Small Group Psychosis.
A coterie of hardcore fans were summoned to the upstairs bar room and the $10 entry charge got you a copy of the CD too. (I bet AC/DC fans who forked out $160 for their ticket only got a wet beer towel in the neck).
So it's Daphne onstage with her assortment of keyboards and laptops to produce an eclectic array of vaguely 1980s synth-pop sounding songs, but with more angst. Sort of Stranglers' organ meets inter-generational and sibling issues.
Well worth checking out. Tour itinerary and dates here.

UPDATE: Encore gig at the Indie Club, 68 Hobson Street, Aukland, on Thursday 18 March 8.30pm

Fisking Garth George

2010-02-05T14:17:00.005+13:00

Garth "Vader" George had another burst of verbal diarrhoea recently:

There are three things I acknowledge, and accept that they exist, but which I have never been able, for the life of me, to get my head around. They have always remained far beyond my understanding, no matter how much I ponder them or how old I get.

How many words do you need to say "WTF?" Garth is obviously on a per-word-published-fee at the Herald. Or is he making up for all the words he took from others before?

The first is child abuse, paedophilia and cruelty to domestic animals;

Note the rider in there: domestic animals. Cruelty, neglect, crating, slaughterhouses for farm animals get his blessing, or at least he does understand.

the second is male homosexuality;

I, for the life of me, have never been able to get my head around male heterosexuality either. Our Garth shows himself much the Victorian (as in Queen) he always has aspired to, even down to the denial of the existence of female homosexuals, much like the old Queen did. Or are there no visible lesbians in Rotorua? I'm sure he's yodelled along with the Topp Twins for years.

and the third is vegetarianism.

Which explains his obvious understanding and approval of slaughterhouse animals and their treatment.

every time I encounter a vegan or vegetarian (I'm told there's a difference) I simply shake my head in wonder.

This from a man who claims to know and taste the difference between pies in New Plymouth, Rotorua and all points south, but has no idea of two of mankind's oldest cultural (and often religious) traits.
Then comes a long litany of recent domestic animal cruelty, which I will spare you because it upsets me too and should lead to unspeakable punishment of the perpetrators, involving the future inability to reproduce, lest they perpetuate their animal cruelty gene line. On that score Garth and I are in agreement.
But strangely enough, he seems to want to exempt any animal farmer from the same standards. The Ministry of Agriculture very much follows this line already with barely any prosecutions despite the harrowing cases that have come to light. I guess Garth's inability to distinguish between vegetarians and vegans stems from the fact that he ignores how they land on his plate (or in his pie)

Fiesta del Sol

2010-01-31T13:38:00.008+13:00

I'm not much of a party animal, at least not in my doting age, but in my far distant past I have been know to party til sunrise on both weekend days. I've sort of lost interest in youthful trends regarding music: emo leaves me stone cold (it really was never able to stand up to an extensive collection of Smiths 12 inch singles), hip hop and other disco derivatives such as drum'n'bass too shallow to catch or hold attention for long.
The whole party rave scene and attendant drugs culture passed me by unlamented and the last dance party I have been to was last century.

So I guess I'm not really the core demographic for Ibiza-style raves or gay disco, but I did want to try it out when the opportunity arose last weekend at Stonyridge's annual "Fiesta Del Sol", an afternoon early evening affair set in the natural amphitheatre of Stonyridge vineyard.
All very laid back in a not-too-sultry afternoon, the assorted party boys and girls came over en masse from Auckland to show off, parade, dance, drink and snog. The girls all looked like Paris Hilton clones: skimpy and short loose outfits, oversized sunglasses and pouting lips; the boys a collection of muscle boys, tattoo boys and hardcore ravers, most of them clinging on to their girlfriends.

It was a very straight affair, my own entourage (Ewen and Dennis "Get Stuffed") the gay exception, plus of course the fabulous Paul ("Frankie Goes to Hollywood") Rutherford and his partner, Perry, who live on Waiheke Island.
I must say I wasn't impressed with DJ Norman Jay (Crazy Penis was far groovier for my taste) and left him to it after a few tracks to head down to the more hardcore dance tent below.

The darker it got, the more frenetic the atmosphere, which I suppose is what a good dance party is all about. The shirts came off, the girlfriends were unclung, and the boys started dancing in a circle showing off their pectorals and tattoos to each other. We are all metrosexuals after dark, I presume, the only thing missing were the manbags in the middle.

Everybody got home safe and well, as far as I know, unlike three years ago when a similar dance party ended without sufficient ferries going back to town, leaving many stranded on the wharf.

Some party pictures here by A Colourful Guy Drowning.

Nano God

2010-01-14T13:33:00.005+13:00

Now that occasional Herald columnist Garth "Vader" George has veered off into the irrelevancy of veneration of our Prime Minister in between his theistic exhortations, enter a new voice, this time one Jeff Tallon, described as a "physicist specialising in the fields of superconductivity and nanotechnology". Not that his specialty is a subject of his columns - if only that were so - his beef seems to be with atheists bent on expressing opinions on the back of buses:

"There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."
I questioned the first sentence, suggesting that it was inconsistent with what we know about our fine-tuned physical and biological world.

His opening paragraph must put the obtaining of his scientific degrees into question, since there is simply no scientific evidence of the existence of god(s).

But I also question the second sentence. It suggests that serious believers in God are racked with worry and do not enjoy life.

For which he claims that happy-clappy Christians are the epitome of happiness, willfully ignoring links between excessive religious fervour, adherence to cult leaders, fundamentalist beliefs and mental illness.
Then he shows us St Francis of Assisi, a truly happy saint but only when he was talking to the birds, closely followed by that world famous St Augustine, a lifelong wrestler with the concept of lust. One would have thought that lust is a big deal in happiness, but no, for our Saint Augie it's one of the most grievous deadly sins.

At a meeting of atheist scientists two years ago, one speaker conceded that belief in God seems to motivate people to help others.
He referred to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina when churches all over the United States sent people, money and supplies to help meet the need. He reflected that as far as he knew no atheist group had responded at all.

This proves nothing about the charitableness of atheists. He doesn't know anything about whether atheists donated to existing charities (religious or secular ones), only there was no "atheist group" charity, whatever that is (FEMA perhaps?). Atheists simply think that welfare, disaster relief and civil protection are legitimate tasks of the state and not just the province of religious charities. Simply paying all your taxes (and not claiming tax exemption as a church) thus qualifies as "donating to charity" too.
Tallon's piece de resistance comes with a quote from Juergen Habermas:

"Christianity, and nothing else, is the ultimate foundation of liberty, conscience, human rights, and democracy, the benchmarks of Western civilisation.
"To this day, we have no other options. We continue to nourish ourselves from this source. Everything else is post-modern chatter."

Professor Habermas may be a good philosopher and a sociologist but that doesn't mean he can re-write post-medieval history. The Christian Church has always been a bulwark against any human rights such as freedom of expression or any others we take for granted today and for which countless of people in Renaissance, Enlightenment and other Revolutionaries (and even some Whigs) have campaigned, fought and died for in the face of Church and absolutist rulers' collusion to keep the ancien regime status quo. Calling abolitionists, democrats, free thinkers, anarchists, feminists and all other human and labour rights campaigners as just indulging in "post-modern chatter" is an insult unworthy of a scientist or an historian.

The atheist bus campaign is actually too insipid. The slogan (if somewhat unwieldy put) should have read: There is no god. So stop god-bothering, and stop abusing our science and engineering to try to kill us.

UPDATE: Dr Tallon is being slaughtered in the commentary on his column.

The locker room closet

2009-12-22T11:10:00.003+13:00

You would think with all sorts of gay leagues in various sports these days, from rugby to the Gay Games, being gay in your sport isn't a big deal. But apparently it is, since it has taken 18 years for Gareth Thomas to come out to his sport and fans.
Not being a sportsperson myself I have no idea how hard the pressure is in teams to conform to the current macho norm, which in fashion terms is as much a variable feast as a catwalk is: the yesteryear imagery of a top sportsman can look very camp now. Will you just look a those short shorts in 1970s American basketball compared to the bloomers they wear today. And then there were the mullets and blow dry hairdos on an assortment of rugby and soccer players, eagerly adopted these days by retrosexuals.

The one thing that struck me about his story were his visits to London gay clubs when on tour. The fact that no-one on the scene sold their kiss-and-tell story to the tabloid newspapers is a credit to the gay community. I'm not sure whether that is because there is no interest in outing gay rugby players (unlike when they actually come out themselves), or that no gay man who picked him up actually recognised him or knew who he was. I suspect it would be a very different story had he been a premier league football player, judging by the even bigger closet and homophobia in soccer (despite its nancy-kissy-touchy-feely antics on the field).

But anyway, Gareth, welcome home.

Naked panelbeater hides behind one shoe

2009-12-18T14:22:00.004+13:00

More South Island naked news:

A Gore man who ran naked through a Warehouse store in Central Otago was yesterday fined in the Alexandra District Court.
Judge Paul Kellar fined Jay Harley Katon, 19, panelbeater, $350 for offensive behaviour at the Alexandra store on October 25.
The police summary of facts says Katon was grossly intoxicated and entered the store wearing a pair of socks and using a shoe to cover his genitals.
A "large number of people", including mothers and young children, were shopping when Katon ran around the clothing section before being asked to leave.
He bought some clothes before leaving and was found by police in a vehicle in the town centre, the court was told.
Katon admitted being in the store but said he had a shoe over his genitals "the whole time", the summary of facts says.
He told police he had been drinking at the Ettrick Tavern an hour before the incident and someone had stolen his clothes.

I think the "summary of the facts" left much to be desired: Why did the 19 year old panelbeater (hmmmmmmm!!) only need one shoe to cover his manhood? Was the shoe pointing up or down? Where did he put his cash to pay for new clothes at the checkout? Was he wearing his new outfit when nabbed by the cops? Did the cops have to strip him to recognise his profile on the security footage?
And even more pointedly: is naked drinking at the Ettrick Tavern a common occurrence? Was he engaged as a male stripper at the panelbeaters' pub lunch break? I understand it can get quite hot in Alexandra, so I surmise he was only wearing his panelbeater overalls at the pub - easy to get off!

Again, if I were the judge and had recovered from rofling after that case in my court room, my sentence would be publication of Warehouse security footage on the internet. And he can buy me a drink at his next pub show appearance.

Waiheke support of anti-gay law in Uganda?

2009-12-17T14:21:00.004+13:00

Letter to the editors of Waiheke Marketplace and Gulf News:

I would urge the sponsors of the Project T Shirt for a school in Uganda, reported in the Marketplace and the Gulf News, to reconsider their cause.
The Ugandan parliament in the midst of enacting a law that would make homosexuality in Uganda punishable by death. The law makers cite as reason for this a pushback against western values in their society.
Clearly the Ugandan Government has too much time on its hands - time and resources that could better be spent on actually building schools instead of relying on foreign donors such as Waihekeans.
Surely our money is a pernicious western influence too, so it should be better spent in countries with a more Christian and charitable view of their population instead of propping up a bigoted regime?

Yours truly,

UPDATE: both newspapers published the letter in its entirety.

Carbon footprint

2009-12-16T10:58:00.003+13:00

As it's the season for atonement of lifestyle sins, especially the climate changing ones, you can find out how much you need to do to reduce your carbon footprint in the Ecological Footprint Quiz.
I would need 2.08 earths to allow everybody in the world to live my lifestyle. Clearly unsustainable but then I'm much better than my country's average.
So what did they recommend I do more?

Reduce your Carbon Footprint
Use cleaner transport

* Walk, bike, or take public transit whenever possible.
* Avoid allowing your car to idle. If you'll be waiting for more than 30 seconds, turn off the engine (except in traffic). And don't take the drive-through-park the car and walk inside instead.
* Have your vehicle serviced regularly to keep the emission control systems operating at peak efficiency. Check your car's air filter monthly, and keep the tires adequately inflated to maximize gas mileage.
* Avoid short airplane trips-take a bus or train instead.

The traffic questions were a bit too rudimentary. I always take public transport except in some circumstances when there is none available (and you know Auckland's PT system is dire). I don't have a driver's licence. I only fly when it's impractical to go by any other means, living in an isolated archipelago does that to you

Add energy-saving features to your home

* Install compact fluorescent bulbs in all your home light fixtures-but remember, compact fluorescents contain mercury, so look for low-mercury models and be sure to dispose of old bulbs safely through your local hazardous waste program.
* Weatherproof your home. Make sure your walls and ceilings are insulated, and consider double-pane windows. Eliminate drafts with caulking, weather strips, and storm windows and doors.
* Insulate your water heater. Even better, switch to a tank less water heater, so your water will be heated only as you use it.
* Choose energy efficient appliances.

Those new light bulbs are hideous, I hate them and the light they give off. I'd rather go to bed than try to read by them.

Adopt energy-saving habits

* Keep thermostat relatively low in winter and ease up on the air conditioning in summer. Clean or replace dirty air conditioner filters as recommended to keep the A/C operating at peak efficiency.
* Unplug your electronics when not in use. To make it easier, use a power strip. Even when turned off, items like your television, computer, and cellphone charger still sip power.
* Dry your clothes outside whenever possible.
* Make minimal use of power equipment when landscaping.
* Defrost your refrigerator and freezer regularly.
* Choose green electricity. Many utilities give you the option to purchase electricity generated by wind and solar power for a small rate surcharge.
* Purchase carbon offsets to make up for the energy use you can't eliminate.

We do all that already. Our power bill is minimal, which makes installing solar power still too expensive.

Reduce your Food Footprint

* Eat more local, organic, in-season foods.
* Plant a garden-it doesn't get more local than that.
* Shop at your local farmer's market or natural foods store. Look for local, in-season foods that haven't traveled long distances to reach you.
* Choose foods with less packaging to reduce waste.
* Eat lower on the food chain-going meatless for just one meal a week can make a difference. Globally, it has been estimated that 18% of all greenhouse gas emissions are associated with meat consumption.

I haven't eaten farmed animals since 1976. We have a vegetable and herb garden. We compost and recycle.

Reduce your Housing Footprint

* Choose sustainable building materials, furnishings, and cleaning products.
* Explore green design features for your building, like passive solar heating, a rainwater catchment or grey water recycling system, and recycled materials.
* Choose efficient appliances, including low flow shower heads, faucets, and toilets.
* Choose furnishings that are second-hand, recycled, or sustainably produced.
* Plant drought tolerant plants in your garden and yard.
* Use biodegradable, non-toxic cleaning products.

All check mostly. We have no water reticulation. All water is collected from our roof and all waste water is recycled in the garden. We like it when it rains.

Adopt water-saving habits

* Take shorter, less frequent showers-this not only saves water, but the energy necessary to heat it.
* Don't use the garbage disposal. Compost instead.
* Run the dishwasher and the laundry machine only when full.
* Wash cars rarely, or better yet, take them to a car wash. Commercial car washes use less water per wash than home washers, and they are also required to drain used water into the sewage system, rather than storm drains, which protects aquatic life.
* Avoid hosing down or power-washing your deck, walkways, or driveway.
* Regularly look for and fix leaks.

Our car is dirty most of the time. We haven't got the water spare to waste it on things like gardens, decks or sprinklers. I always take military showers (shame there are no other troops available to share them with)

Reduce your Goods and Services Footprint

* Buy less! Replace items only when you really need to.
* Recycle all your paper, glass, aluminum, and plastic. Don't forget electronics!
* Compost food waste for the garden. Garbage that is not contaminated with degradable (biological) waste can be more easily recycled and sorted, and doesn't produce methane gases (a significant greenhouse gas contributor) when stored in a landfill.
* Buy recycled products, particularly those labeled "post-consumer waste."

It's hard to do the recycling and waste minimalisation when your Council actively sabotages community projects and well-working systems by awarding contracts to the most polluting, least efficient, least recycling and thus most inexpensive (for the Council) waste contractor.

But the most efficient carbon footprint reducing option didn't get a mention: don't breed.

Naked news from Christchurch

2009-12-04T10:33:00.004+13:00

From the Herald:

A two-storey house in central Christchurch caught fire yesterday prompting a hasty exit by its intoxicated occupants, including one man who did not even pause to grab clothes.
The naked man, aged in his 50s, was seen scrambling down a fire escape shortly after smoke began pouring from the house about 4pm.
Assistant area fire commander Greg Crawford said the five were in various states of drunkenness but all managed to escape.
"St John is looking after some, some have disappeared," he told The Press.
"They are in no state to look after themselves."
The fire's cause was not yet known.

Creating some background to this story could be fun: what were five men doing in the house on a weekday afternoon of drinking, not wearing any clothes and causing a fire to start? Discuss.

For when I'm 64 (again)

2009-12-01T12:41:00.003+13:00

A gay lobby group in the Netherlands is launching a Quality Mark scheme for resthome operators so they can check whether they are providing a good service to their "pink pensioner" residents.
Apparently gay residents are not as well regarded in resthomes by the other residents as social status is determined by the number of visitors a resident gets, such as by children and grandchildren, the report says (in Dutch only, unfortunately).
I would be all for gay-only resthomes and this may well become commercially feasible in the future. Belgium is already getting one. A few hunky nurses to help you bathe, feed and entertain you sounds like a fabulous way to ease out of this life even if it costs 60 to 90 euros a day.

Shared streets

2009-11-26T13:10:00.010+13:00

A post at the Auckland Transport blog on the shared streets and people-friendly spaces in urban planning got me inspired to look at how the streets rated the most expensive in various editions of the board game Monopoly look like in real life.

Here's the Nieuwstraat in Brussels:

And here is the Kalverstraat in Amsterdam:

Normalmstorg in Sweden:

And a stunning looking Paseo Del Prada in Madrid:

And here is Queen Street in Auckland (you have my permission to weep):

And just imagine what Queen Street could look like if it was redeveloped like the Meir in Antwerpen:

Relight my fire

2009-11-22T11:26:00.002+13:00

Now those Swiss gnomes have re-started their doomsday machine, time for a re-post a year later:

We all like to enjoy a big bang from time to time and a tiny black hole on occasion, so I'm unconcerned by all that worry around the world about some particle collision machine. Doomsday it ain't.
I'd have fancied they called it the Voltaire machine, as that illustrious French philosopher lived in that very area. He flitted back and forth across the French-Swiss border to escape from the French authorities too keen to put a damper on his enlightning mind.

Belgium rules Europe

2009-11-20T09:18:00.004+13:00

You could call it the revenge of Belgium. After being ruled for more than 2,000 years by various empires and foreign potentates, now haiku hewing Herman will take the reigns of Europe as the new EU president, coming out on top of Luxembourgeois and the Netherlands' Prime Ministers. Just think, wouldn't they have made a marvellous triumvirate, Roman Republic-style?
And the Foreign Affairs Representative is Baroness Catherine Ashton from the UK. There's nothing like a dame to send on foreign missions.
And there's nothing a combined effort between a Belgian and Brit cannot achieve (in me extensive experience) so that all bodes well for the EU.

Intrepid roving news reporter Hamish MacDonald from Aljazeera made a great impression as Tintin at the event.

Underground detail

2009-11-13T16:27:00.020+13:00

Here's a game (via Diamond Geezer's annual Tube Blog Fest) that will have you hooked for hours if you are a London Underground map design fanatic, like most of us are who have ever lived in London. Now you can create your own mug/t shirt/mouse pad design with bits and pieces from the iconic map. And if you like it enough you can even order it at exorbitant, but in happily devalued pound, prices.

Here's my collection:

And I could make one for Auckland too:

Auckland governance ward system

2009-11-11T10:19:00.005+13:00

I got a reply back from the Local Government Commission on my submission on the ward and electoral system for Auckland City:

Thank you for your submission. The Commission has completed an initial information gathering phase in its work to assist it prepare draft proposals for consultation. These proposals will be released on 20 November with submissions invited until 11 December. In relation to your email, I should point out that the Commission's tasks are prescribed by the Local Government (Auckland Council) Act 2009 this includes a requirement that there be a maximum of 20 councillors all elected by wards and that the electoral system will be first past the post.

So all we can make really a submission on is how the wards should be gerrymandered to suit the powers that be, and we are not allowed to speak truth to power.

Been visiting

2009-11-01T16:53:00.003+13:00

Here is where I have been in the world and Europe. I didn't include stopovers involving waiting at airports only.
The world map is a bit small to see the small countries and territories I have been to, such as Hong Kong, Macau and the Cook Islands.

create your own visited country map
In Europe I still need to do a lot, including Andorra, Monaco, the Channel Islands and Iceland. But I've been to Liechtenstein, Luxembourg and Corsica. From Belfast to Leipzig and from Narvik to Gran Canaria.

create your personalized map of europe

Submission on the ward representation system for the Auckland Council

2009-10-30T14:50:00.002+13:00

Proposal background: The Auckland merged city structure should be governed by city-wide visions and policies. The new Auckland Councillors will, after all, represent the total population of the isthmus, not parochial interests. The way they are elected should reflect this, and electors should be given the chance to vote on policies for the city rather than be distracted by personality politics and contests.

Electoral system for Auckland City: The city should be established as one constituency, not split up into wards. All Auckland electors can vote to elect Councillors from one ballot listing all tickets and candidates.
20 Councillors (but preferably more, say, 50) should be elected from ticket/party lists applying strict proportionality in the voting system: 5% of the valid vote yields one seat. In the case of 50 seats the threshold falls to 2%.
Voters choose one candidate on the ballot (organised in ticket lists of maximum 20 candidates - independents can stand too and be subject to the same threshold).
When votes are counted the total of all candidates on each individual list will be tallied to determine how many seats the list is awarded on the Council: 1 seat per 5%.
All individual candidates who clear the threshold hurdle will be automatically elected. If more than one seat is won by the list, they go to the highest polling candidates on that list.
Note that this does not mean your placement on the list will trump votes received by another candidate on your list - list leaders will thus not automatically be elected when the list clears the threshold.
Independent candidates outside the lists will need to clear the threshold in their own vote to be elected. The "leftover" effect of the lists means that independents are actually encouraged to organise themselves into lists in order to profit from the same effect. This will benefit voters as lists will emphasise policy and vision instead of glamour or single issues.
The system is easy to understand and administer, does not distort vote weight (all votes are equally valid) and lists will have space for a wider variety of candidates than under any other system based on ward representation.
There is also no need for separate reserved seats for Maori or any other group because a low threshold will ensure a possible wide variety and proportionality of representation.
There is even no need for a separate election for mayor. Like in the parliamentary system, the largest faction elected on the Council should have first dibs on forming an Auckland government with its leader as Mayor. This will greatly help integrating the mayoral office with the power structure on the Council.

No sex in the news

2009-10-26T11:07:00.003+13:00

Earlier this year there was a sensational but rather dubious story about sailors aboard HMAS Success keeping a ledger book about their on-board conquests of female ship staff. But now it turns out, our raised eyebrows at the time were justified:

It had all the ingredients of a good story, involving sexual peccadilloes at sea, but it wasn't true, say Australian Opposition politicians, who called on the Navy yesterday to apologise to three sailors sent home following allegations that they competed to sleep with female officers and lesbians. Opposition defence spokesman David Johnston claimed yesterday that it exonerated the sailors. He said the Navy knew within two days that the allegations were unfounded.

Flying by the seat of his pants

2009-10-19T16:10:00.004+13:00

News from Timaru:

Police say a trouser-less man who was knocked unconscious when he fell of the back of a ute in Timaru, was drunk at the time.
The 21-year-old was not wearing any trousers when he fell from the back of a moving ute yesterday afternoon, as it made a low speed, sharp turn from Stafford St into George St in the South Canterbury town.
Constable Brent Rissman says the man was standing, when he lost his balance and fell onto the road.
Friends who were at the scene of yesterday's incident had covered his lower half with clothing when the ambulance arrived about 3.45pm yesterday.

Not before they took some pictures for his Arsebook profile update, I would like to think.
Timaru is one of those one horse towns in the South Island facing Antarctica, so it is hardly a subtropical paradise where sans-culottes is de rigueur as town wear. You would need a few stiff drinks first before your private parts can stand up to any southerly blast.

Paw Justice!

2009-10-05T15:28:00.007+13:00

Not only is New Zealand famous for its domestic abuse and child abuse, it is also a champion in animal abuse.

But now you can do something about it:

Oh, and it's not just pets that New Zealanders like to have a go at

AVE

2009-09-24T16:41:00.003+12:00

Spain is fast becoming the country with the longest high speed railway network in the world.

A lengthy report on the BBC uses the story to highlight the lack of progress in the UK and the tentative steps in the USA to get cracking on high speed rail.

As you know, we went on the Madrid Atocha to Cordoba AVE service (and the then decrepit Madrid to Barcelona train) in 2003, which was absolutely brilliant.

Sex in the news

2009-09-17T09:58:00.003+12:00

A new slant on cargo cults:

A cult leader in Papua New Guinea fled naked into the jungle after being confronted by police over allegations that he'd forced followers to have sex in public, with the promise that it would boost the banana harvest.

Good things come to people who have lots of sex. That's hardly news. Maybe it could be adopted by Wall Street bankers to get out of their crisis.

The gayest road video game ever

2009-09-14T12:19:00.001+12:00

300,000

2009-09-05T11:17:00.002+12:00

300,000 visitors to this blog since January 2005.
I'm marvelling at the indicators of what you are coming to look for here and that you keep on coming.
I hope you have found what you are looking for.