July 27, 2007

Bad Lads Army

UKTV started broadcasting a rather enjoyable reality TV series, called "Bad Lads Army", in which a group of English yobbos (or do we call them Asbos or Scallies now?) volunteer to go through a few weeks' of 1950s-style national service in the army, to see whether they could be made real men out of.
Never mind that it never worked in the 1950s and the army then had better things to do (and thought it could better spend its time and resources elsewhere) than to babysit ne'er-do-wells. But I guess the idea was irresistible to programme producers who may have detected an eagerness among the general public to get back at those surplus males.

And what an enjoyable sight that meted-out humiliation is. The first episode focused on the natural exhibitionist streaks and one-upmanship one encounters whenever groups of males are out of sight of females. They tested their manhood against the alpha males - the rather unassuming looking but hard-as-nails corporals and other officers in charge - when settling in their new surroundings.
The first half hour was an almost constant stream of bleeped out swear words, and it got so bad in the second half they didn't even bother bleeping anymore, which actually made for much more natural coverage of events without drawing too much attention to the vocabulary used.
I was a little disappointed in the physical condition of a large part of the recruits, but perhaps I was expecting the extraordinary - not all of current 18 to 24 year olds are rugby players or porn stars, although a lot of them looked they were spending at least some time thinking about grooming, physical fitness and general personal hygiene.

The medical was a hoot, especially when the doctor asked one of the recruits, who had excellent eye sight: "Don't you masturbate?" The embarrassed silence on the boy's face was priceless.

Episode 2: in which the lads get acquainted with how to wash their cock, balls and arse properly using a smidgen of water and a corner of their towel. The sergeant obliged by showing them how to do it. The army could make millions by auctioning off their used towels on specialist auction websites.
Episode 3: in which the lads get bugled out of bed early in the morning only to line up at their bunks with morning wood sticking out. This piece of shameless sexual advertising drew gasps of admiration in our household.

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