June 14, 2008

The Gay Questionnaire

This is doing the blog rounds, I got it off HistoriesofSex and it's definitely more challenging than the annual Roy Morgan Consumer poll I'm filling in at the moment too.

1. How old were you when you knew you were gay? 14
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex? Yes, once. More to try it out than from sexual lust, and all in the name of "don't knock it til you've tried it". I've kept on knocking it ever since.
3. Who was the first person you came out to? My lesbian girlfriend (who wasn't out as a lesbian either at the time - talk about double bearding!)
4. Are you out to your family? Yes, and all other 10 million Belgians too, thanks to Belgian TV.
5. Do you want children? No thanks, not my cuppa.
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? About 50/50
7. Were you out in school? No, not even at college. I was a late starter, am still catching up.
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you? Yes
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them? He's my current partner.
10. Have you ever done crystal meth? No, life's too short to do bad drugs.
11. Have you ever been in a sling? Yes, slept in one once.
12. Have you ever done a 3-way? More than you had hot dinners.
13. Have you ever dressed in drag? Never, unless homemade catholic priest garb counts (I was 8 and not yet an atheist then)
14. Would you date a drag queen? If drag means all dressing up/down, not just women's gear, then yes.
15. Are you a top/bottom or truly versatile? Depends on the scene and the men.
16. Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? Every time I drop my trousers.
17. Have you had sex with someone of a different ethnicity? Been around the block, around the neighbourhood, around the city and around the world many times over.
18. Have you ever barebacked? No thanks. Starting my sex life when Aids came on was an eye opener.
19. How many Cher CDs do you own? None.
20. Name of your first love? Jan ("When I think of you, I touch myself")
21. Do you still talk to them? Occasional email.
22. Does size matter? As long as the Pope stays Catholic.
23. Biggest turn on? A dirty mind in a filthy body.
24. Biggest turn off? Ignorant morons.
25. Ever been harassed due to you orientation? Not lately.
26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you? Being responsible for the New Zealand increase in the number of sexual partners in the annual Durex sex survey.
27. Ever been to a pride rally? Tons, for decades.
28. Would you marry if you could? I am too young for that sort of commitment.
29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful? I've been young once, I like to think I'm still smart, so it would be hubristic of me to want anything more.
30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows? I occasionally pluck the stragglers.
31. Do you trim your body hair? From head to arsehole.
32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Sure.
33. Ever been to an orgy? Of course.
34. Have you dated your best friends ex? No.
35. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president? Irrelevant.
36. Do you want monogamy in your relationships? Never have so most probably never will.
37. Do you believe in true love? Sure.
38. Do you have any tattoos? None.
39. Do you have any piercings? None. My punk days are long gone.
40. Would you date a smoker? Not anymore.
41. Do you get HIV tests every 6 months? No.
42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV? Of course.
43. Do you know what Stonewall was? A celebration of Judy Garland's death.
44. Strangest place you have had sex? At the bottom of the steps under a bridge over the River Thames.
45. Strangest place you've woken up? On the first morning tram home from a grand night out, many stops after mine.
46. Are your best years behind or in front of you? Never regret, never despair.
47. Favorite porn movie? Anything made by Curt McDowell. It's the funnest, hottest stuff I have ever seen. And I had the privilege of meeting the man.
48. Are you in love now? With lots of things.
49. Ever been in love with a straight guy? Oh yes, my first steps on the queer sex road were made with the assistance of straight boys.
50. Did you ever have sex with him? Yes, but it was a blind, ineffective stumble. I wish they would teach proper sex techniques at school.
51. Have you ever been to a nude beach? I live 5mins driving from one. And I don't own togs.
52. Have you ever been to a bath house? That's usually where I like to spend my holidays.
53. Ever had sex in public? Sure. Hampstead Heath springs to mind, a grand audience there.
54. Have you ever been/stayed in a relationship for Money or Security, instead of Love and Friendship? Hell no.
55. Have you ever keyed someone's car? You need to be straight to do that.
56. Have you ever fantasized killing someone not famous? No, but have fantasized about fucking some sports people to death.
57. Have you ever witnessed someone dying? No.
58. Have you ever contemplated suicide? No.
59. Are you glad you're still here? Of course.

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