Sex in the news

Another juicy Australian 'sex scandal' involving their armed forces:

"21-year-old Daniel McDonald, has been linked to another sex scandal. He is expected to face disciplinary measures as the founding member of The Love of my Life, an AFDA football group that made new members perform sexual acts on one another as part of a hazing ritual."

But why that should not be a scandal, let alone an offence, is made clear:

"[...] while McDonald was a founding member of the group, no criminal offence had been committed by the participating males."

The earlier case refers to him showing off to his mates in a heterosexual Skype show:

"Daniel McDonald, now 21, and Dylan Deblaquiere, 20, faced the ACT Supreme Court on Monday for a sentencing hearing over the 2011 sex scandal at Canberra's Australian Defence Force Academy (ADFA).
McDonald had sex with a fellow female military recruit in March 2011 and broadcast it live on Skype to Deblaquiere's room where other male cadets watched.
In August, both were found guilty of using a carriage service in an offensive manner and McDonald was also found guilty of committing an act of indecency."

Sex in the news

Will this be an excuse to bring in new driving laws banning the use of dildos and vibrators in cars, just like they did with cellphones? So distracting.

"A 30-year-old woman, who was sitting at the corner of University and Marion Street, called 911 after seeing a man pull up in a car in front of her.
Minutes later, officers nearby were told by a dispatcher to look out for “a white male in a red pickup performing oral sex on a white dildo.”
Cars behind the man had been honking their horns, trying to get him to move, the woman added. Plus, there were kids around, she said.
Police responding to the call noticed a red pickup several blocks away.
After pulling over Brian Wutschke, 45, of Farmington, police searched the interior of his truck and found a sex toy under a flannel shirt.
They also noted several pairs of women’s panties strewn around the interior, including hanging from the rear-view mirror and the gear shift.
When they performed a pat-down search of the man and reached “the waistline area,” officers could feel something vibrating. The man then informed them he also had a sex toy inserted inside him.
“That one’s kind of unique. They’ll be talking about this one for a while,” said police watch commander Eric Anderson.
Police called the witness, who gave a description of Wutschke over the phone.
The officers drove Wutschke to the jail, hearing the sex toy still vibrating on the plastic seats of their squad car.
Sheriff officials at the jail removed it as they were booking him, but as of late Wednesday nobody was comfortable turning it off.
“They’ll just let the batteries run out,” Anderson said.
Wutschke was booked into Ramsey County jail on suspicion of indecent exposure and obscene materials and performance, both gross misdemeanors."

Sex in the news

A gem news item from The Independent:

Two university rugby players today admitted performing lewd sex acts while naked on a public bus. Ryan Lissamore, 19, and 21-year-old Oliver Graham carried out the indecent acts while on the top deck of the No 94 service bus, travelling from Cheltenham to Gloucester on the evening of September 20 last year. [...] The two men, along with four other players who also admitted carrying out indecent acts, are students at the University of Gloucestershire and had been drinking in Cheltenham.
It was after they got on the bus that the incidents took place. They had been travelling on the Stagecoach bus with fellow rugby players Lewis Baker, 21, James Devlin, 19, Alex Bye, 19, and Daniel Hammond, 20. Last month the four all admitted a separate count of outraging public decency by committing obscene acts in front of other passengers. 
The charge stated: "On September 20, 2010 Lewis Baker, Alex Bye, James Devlin and Daniel Hammond outraged public decency on a public service bus travelling from Cheltenham to Gloucester, masturbated themselves while naked and allowed themselves to be masturbated by another within the site and outrage of other persons present." 
That offence was witnessed by teenage girls, who left the top deck of the bus and went downstairs.

Now why does that never happen on my bus to work or home? The newspaper reporting is a bit too coy, I mean, the performances given may have been world class and worthy of the attention of a talent scouts of adult websites specialising in that sort of public entertainment. At least I would have expected more details about their bodies, technique and stamina.
And there is also no word about the passengers who would (like me) have applauded the show fiercely. When the International Rugby Board provides that kind of entertainment during the World Cup this year I may even consider buying a ticket!
In my younger days, when going on the night bus home after a night on the town it was usually community singing that kept passengers awake lest they found themselves waking up somewhere in Essex instead of E14. How much more fun would the bus journey be if the local rugby club provided some on board entertainment, needing no other props than their bodies. And as for the teenage girls leaving early: silly, silly, silly, don't you know lads these days love to show off their bodies for your benefit?

And a local rag tut-tut-thundered about the lads' behaviour too

Sex in the political news

If you thought New Zealand politics is no fun, think again.

Labour MP Darren Hughes resigned from Parliament yesterday as witness reports emerged of a distressed, naked man on the street near Mr Hughes' Wellington home on the night a youth complained to police about an incident of a sexual nature.

Note the coy reporting, the vagueness of the words 'distress' (does it mean he lost his hardon?); a 'youth' (the guy in question is 18, of legal sexual and drinking age); 'incident of a sexual nature' (this could cover anything from fumbled flashing to naked mud wrestling)

One witness told 3 News a flustered man, matching a description of the complainant, was near the Mt Victoria tunnel around 5 o'clock on the morning in question.

"He was standing there with one hand over his private parts and the other hand with his thumb out, hitch-hiking," the witness said.
"I thought, 'Oh boy, the husband's come home and it's a quick exit'."

That is quite an astute witness report, with details of place, poise and motivation all vividly described. Earlier reports say the (presumably fully clothed) youth and the MP had been going out drinking around Wellington and ended up at Annette King's house where Mr Hughes boards.
Since the police have not issued any further information, it's time to speculate on what should be investigated:
- why did the youth wait until 5am before deciding it was a good idea to make a quick getaway?
- if you're at someone's house naked, one can safely presume you are there willingly for a party of a sexual nature;
- I can understand distress could be caused by the sight of carrot-coloured pubes (Mr Hughes is a ginga) but one should get over that as soon as possible in life;
- we have all walked the Walk of Shame after a night of disappointing hookups (especially at age 18), but that is really no reason to leave your clothes on the floor. Moving on means not leaving baggage behind.
- Wellington at 5am is not really a place for naturist games when a stiff southerly is blowing. No wonder he only needed one hand to cover his privates.

Sex shopping in the news

Stop the press: All Black and rugby mates are shopping for sex toys in Christchurch boutique. Owner spied (and recorded) the transactions but is surprisingly coy about it, considering her line of work.
What we want to know - and a good gossip columnist would tell us such essential details - is how big the dildos were the boys bought for each other.

No sex in the news

Earlier this year there was a sensational but rather dubious story about sailors aboard HMAS Success keeping a ledger book about their on-board conquests of female ship staff. But now it turns out, our raised eyebrows at the time were justified:

It had all the ingredients of a good story, involving sexual peccadilloes at sea, but it wasn't true, say Australian Opposition politicians, who called on the Navy yesterday to apologise to three sailors sent home following allegations that they competed to sleep with female officers and lesbians. Opposition defence spokesman David Johnston claimed yesterday that it exonerated the sailors. He said the Navy knew within two days that the allegations were unfounded.

Sex in the news

A new slant on cargo cults:

A cult leader in Papua New Guinea fled naked into the jungle after being confronted by police over allegations that he'd forced followers to have sex in public, with the promise that it would boost the banana harvest.

Good things come to people who have lots of sex. That's hardly news. Maybe it could be adopted by Wall Street bankers to get out of their crisis.

Summertime, and the living is easy

Belgian detective inspector arrested for driving around in his car in his underpants and leering at young girls, but freed since he didn't break any laws.

Albuquerque man Danny Brawner, pants down, bare assed and hanging free, was spotted having simulated sex with the trunk of his car. His arms were waving around in the air and he was shouting. He was indicted on two felony counts of aggravated indecent exposure. It’s classified a felony because a couple of kids witnessed the bizarre coupling.

Belgian man arrested in fast food joint for dropping his pants and touching himself. Police had to counsel families with kids watching while eating their burgers.

Amorous Nigerian couple in court for having sex on a church altar in Lagos. They were fined 117 euro and have to clean the church top to bottom to cleanse the sacrilege.

Sex in the news

From the BBC:

An investigation is under way in Australia over claims that navy sailors competed with each other to bed their female colleagues for cash prizes.
According to Channel Seven news, sailors on board HMAS Success put a cash value on each woman's head.
Sleeping with a female officer or a lesbian, or having sex in a strange place, won more money, the report said.
The Defence Department confirmed that a number of individuals had been sent back to Australia for interviews.
HMAS Success, which has a crew of 220, is currently on exercises in South East Asia.
According to the Channel Seven report, the contest came to light in May, when the vessel was in Singapore.
It said that the sailors recorded their efforts in a book called The Ledger, challenging each other to sleep with as many female colleagues as possible.
Sex on a pool table or with a lesbian reportedly scored higher points.
The Defence Department did not confirm how many sailors were involved.
But, in a statement to Seven Network, it said that a number of concerns raised by female crew members were "now subject to formal inquiry".
The "veracity of any allegations" had yet to be confirmed, it said.

Several points in this story urge caution:
- Who actually pays the cash prizes?
- How are the scores verified (and the lesbians tagged)? Competitors (or contest adjudicators) must obviously be present to merit the extra points for pool table sex, and the women confirm a sailor's claim of conquest.
- No indication of any offences being committed here, apart from sex on the job - but I presume the contest took place outside working hours and on shore leave.
- That sleeping with your bunk mate doesn't merit any points indicate to me that it's too common an occurrence to be subject to a competition.
- And you would think that the navy brass would encourage its personnel to get all the exercise it can to fight the obesity epidemic in the Australian armed forces.

The NZ Herald editorial thundered on Saturday:

Nobody dares to moralise any more. The cause and consequence of that reluctance is that we are not sure we agree on what is wrong. Are the Australian sailors under naval investigation for their attitude to women and sex or for writing it down? And if it is merely the latter, was their offence against the privacy and reputations of the women concerned, and does it matter if the women were equally enthusiastic participants?

Who knows the women sailors were running a ledger book too with commentary on length, width, girth, stamina and technique the boys displayed (or pulled up short on). It would certainly make good reading too, a good consumer guide for on-board fun and it would put the rating back into rating.

Sex in the (sports) news

Another former footie player now TV commentator hits the career dust now that a woman has come forward accusing him of group rape seven years ago in Christchurch when the Cronulla team was on tour. Never mind that a police investigation at the time cleared all players of any wrongdoing and that the group sex was consensual, he has now been let go by his TV station as sports commentator. Talk about rough justice!

Three words to the woman: You. Lucky. Bitch.

Group sex as a male bonding exercise is as old as and never fails to actually make males bond. I would have happily volunteered to assist the Cronulla team in their bonding exercise, but obviously there's a bit of a queue for the job.
Best comment on the case:

Having group sex as a team building exercise is unacceptable and a bit gay in my opinion. You can love your team-mates but having sex in front of them is taking things too far. Apparently there was 14 guys in the room and its said that this woman consented to having all of them being there giving it to her? Hmmmm.

Considering that there are only 13 players in a league team, who was the lucky fan?
And what, pray tell, did actually go on in Christchurch?

Among the allegations aired on Monday, the woman said two men rubbed their penises in her face while other men stood watching and masturbating.
Six men had sex with her while another six looked on. There was always someone touching her, she said.

Sounds like huge fun was had by all.

A trading card range of the 2002 Cronulla team is here in case you want to know who was in the team that time. Not that they all participated, but you can choose your favourite party animal.

Sex in the news

From BBC News:

A British man and woman have been sentenced to three months in jail in Dubai after being found guilty of having sex on a beach.

But what else is a beach for? Sand in the lube may not be conducive to comfortable love making, unless friction is your thing.
But wouldn't the likes of Sarah Palin just love to introduce those kind of laws too in their countries? Then she could have sent the state trooper, making himself useful by arresting her daughter and Levi for having unmarried sex, instead of having him sacked and having all that trouble swirling around her now.

Boycott Subway

Here we go again. Porn meets the real world and the real world can't take much reality.
A Subway employee in St Louis, USA, married father of three, called Kurt Wild, was fired by his manager after a customer complained about him that he had seen him in a gay porn movie. Queerclick NSFW story here (and a definitely NSFW retrospective of our hero's oeuvre here).
It comes hard on the heels of the college wrestlers being barred from their college sports team for exposing too much teen meat online.

So come on: cut Subway off your list of favourite "restaurants"!
And thump all those self-loathing queens, happy to whack off to their favourite porn star but equally happy to see them humiliated in real life.

When porn meets sport

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Sex in the sports news

It's not often that the subject of sex crops up in the sports pages, apart from such unfortunate instances as (real) rape cases in the past couple of years (Tyson, for one). Their relegation to the sports news made me feel sick.
But it must have been a slow day at the Herald when they let a jock sniffer like Steve Deane loose in their Sports Section on Friday and let him look at a few sexual shenanigans by sports "stars" which ended up in tabloid newspapers in recent times. Take it from the top, Steve:

"One minute you're streaking away for an intercept try against the All Blacks, the next your world has been Topsyed upside down by unflattering public revelations and potentially criminal accusations.
Whether enjoying a quiet post-match spit-roast with mates, or choosing between an overweight, balding 55-year-old man and a stunning young brunette with an unquenchable thirst for fame and questionable morals for your personal assistant, the world of the high-profile sports star is full of pitfalls."

Our Steve has obviously no idea what a spit-roast is, otherwise he wouldn't have used it in such an unfortunate turn of phrase. If you don't know what a spit-roast is, let either the Sunderland footballers or the Flight of the Conchords boys explain it to you.
But wait, there's more unintentionally (we think) but wickedly funny reporting by our Steve:

"Ashley Cole (pictured left), the Chelsea and England defender, was portrayed as the ultimate love rat for cheating on popstar wife Cheryl. Having already taken a battering after leaving Arsenal to get a slice of rival Chelsea's Russian lucre, Cole's reputation hit rock bottom when 22-year-old blond Aimee Walton also decided to chase the cash herself, selling the story of her one-night stand with the footballer to a tabloid.
Walton revealed that Cole slapped her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark. He later paused midway through intercourse to vomit. Every inch a consummate Premier League pro, he resumed shagging."

Everybody knows heterosexuality makes a lot of men heave, so it's unsurprising our Steve skips lightly over that poignant, significant and outrageous detail. It confirms again that it's a nasty business, even though his bravery of actually going back in after made me spill my coffee. No wonder those footballers are hero-worshiped by millions of hooligans. But our Steve was more concerned about her post-coital commentary than the lack of control of his gag reflex:

"She also offered this somewhat painful overall assessment of his performance: "He knew exactly what he was doing and was pretty good, despite not being very big."
Ouch."

Perhaps that's where the real schadenfreude for jocksniffer reporters comes in: thank heaven for slags who dish the dirt on the sexual quality of our heroes.

Sex in the news

Another fantastic news story involving those favourite leisure pastimes of men: sport and sex.

"Four England rugby players are facing claims that they took part in a sexual assault during a raucous party at their hotel in New Zealand."

The Times headlined its story as a "rowdy party". In New Zealand that kind of thing is called a "Ropati". But in all it's obviously not as "bad" as it sounds:

"Although police sources have indicated that the claims may include an allegation of rape, no formal complaint has been received. Unless one is made they cannot formally pursue the allegations, nor identify the players."

So what is the fuss all about?

"Players are reported to have gathered in the Pony Club, a nightclub near the Hilton Hotel, where the squad was staying. The club, formerly a male striptease venue, is a well-known haunt of local celebrities and sportsmen."

I'm not sure whether the Times meant the venue used to be a place where guys stripped or a strip club frequented by men. Either way would do the modern sportsman anyway.

"A 22-year-old New Zealander, named only as "Angel" (in another report, helpfully listed under "Rugby News", she is called "Angel Barbie"), further claimed that she and five other women had met six England players at the club. Each had accompanied a player back to the Hilton in the early hours of Sunday morning."

Lucky bitches.

"She said that she had spent the evening with one of the players, though she refused to give his name."

I never tend to ask names of my trade either. It just avoids awkwardness the morning after. Who remembers names anyway? And it's usually the least interesting aspect of them.

"She said that the following morning he had left to attend a compulsory hydrotherapy session at 9am, part of the squad’s recovery programme, and returned to bed 45 minutes later."

Freshly scrubbed and douched and ready for another round! You gotta love the Hilton's attention to detail for its guests.

"Shortly after that, four players had burst into the bedroom and tried to rip the sheets off the bed, before running out laughing, she said."

In the other report

"Angel Barbie said she believed the players went to other rooms where women had slept with players and also pulled the duvets off their semi-naked bodies. They were doing the rounds."

No word, sadly, about the condition the men were in - apart from being scrubbed and douched. News reporting isn't up to scratch these days. We need to be told all the details.
So tell me again where the scandal is?

The joy of heterosexuality

You may remember last year's rather tasteless news item involving heterosexuality between a twink and a 92-year-old corpse. New Zealand can't be left behind in those stakes so now we hear of a guy in his sixties, paroled after a long period inside for sexual offending against girls, re-arrested after indecently assaulting a 95-year-old woman in her rest home.
One may be relieved to hear she was at least alive, so our pensioner sex fiend didn't have to stoop so low as to desecrate a corpse. But you got to ask again: have those erectile aid drugs not got a lot to answer for? Why aren't they outlawed?
I can perfectly believe that guys can get it up for anything, no matter how outlandish or outrageous their object of desire. But really, dudes! Get a grip.

Kiwis turn down spit roast

From the Sydney Morning Herald (via DubDotDash):

"Scruffy New Zealander Jemaine Clement from the folk-parody group Flight Of The Conchords was approached by a girl at a party in Scotland, who invited him to a spit roast. She wanted to know if Bret McKenzie, his band mate, would also attend.
Thinking she was referring to a barbecue, Jemaine said yes. Hey, they both liked meat. "She said, 'I wouldn't usually ask. I'm a lesbian,' and I thought, 'Why would that stop you asking for a barbecue?"' Soon after, Clement discovered a spit-roast was British slang for a threesome and declined, mightily embarrassed."

What is wrong with Kiwis turning down offers of straight sex? I know spit roasting lesbians is a favourite fantasy of anti-Helen Clark voters, so why isn't it good enough for real red-blooded males? Maybe the Conchord boys have been playing too much folk and should do some rock & roll instead?

The joy of heterosexuality

Not a good week for straight sex, glancing at a few news headlines:

"An Austrian man allegedly imprisoned his daughter and abused her sexually for 24 years."

"Police arrested two boys, aged 14 and 15, after a 56-year-old woman was sexually assaulted and left traumatised as she left the Coopers Beach Bowling Club (Northland) last Friday night."

"Texas authorities have continued raids on a ranch belonging to a breakaway Mormon sect, removing a total of almost 200 women and children since Thursday. Police officers first raided the ranch after reports that a 16-year-old girl was physically and sexually abused. Detectives are looking for evidence of a marriage between the girl and a 50-year-old man. She is thought to have had a child when she was 15."

But the only fun story involving heterosexuality is also the only one labeled "scandalous":

"Brazilian football star Ronaldo has been caught up in a sex scandal with three cross-dressing prostitutes."

So the only reason why it was scandalous is that the ho's were mo's.

UPDATE: Queerclick has a very humourous take on the Ronaldo/Andre(a) "sex scandal". NSFW!

Sex in the news

At first I thought it was a leaked script from an unreleased episode of "Allo! Allo!" but it takes that paragon of journalistic British pride, the "News of the World" to give us the inside running:

FORMULA One motor racing chief Max Mosley is today exposed as a secret sado-masochist sex pervert.

The son of infamous British wartime fascist leader Oswald Mosley is filmed romping with five hookers at a depraved NAZI-STYLE orgy in a torture dungeon. Mosley - a friend to F1 big names like Bernie Ecclestone and Lewis Hamilton - barks ORDERS in GERMAN as he lashes girls wearing mock DEATH CAMP uniforms and enjoys being whipped until he BLEEDS.
The multi-millionaire son of Sir Oswald, who was a pal of Adolf Hitler, plays a concentration camp commandant in a FIVE-HOUR torture chamber video.
Mosley - the most powerful man in motor-racing - barks orders in German as he WHIPS two hookers dressed in striped uniforms reminiscent of AUSCHWITZ garb while girls in Nazi uniforms look on.
At one point the wrinkled 67-year-old—who publicly likes to give the impression he has put his father's evil legacy behind him—yells "she needs more of ze punishment!" while brandishing a LEATHER STRAP over a brunette's naked bottom.
Then the lashes rain down as Mosley counts them out in German: "Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Fünf! Sechs!"
With each blow, the girl yelps in pain as grinning, grey-haired Mosley becomes clearly aroused. And after the beating, he makes her perform a sex act on him.

Unhelpfully, they have removed the pictures and video that were previously there and in the printed paper. So maybe it wasn't all that saucy. But the old adage that the only good sex in Britain is "scandalous sex", still rings true.

Sex in the news

From the Manawatu Standard (7 March) quoted by Gaynz.com:

"An 18-year-old Christchurch man has been charged following an alleged sexual assault on a fellow soldier in the Linton Military Camp barracks.
The Manawatu Standard understands the victim, 17, had been drinking heavily when he encountered a group of soldiers on Saturday, February 3.
He was then reportedly stripped, covered in vaseline and put to bed as a practical joke.
But he woke the next morning in discomfort and undertook a medical examination believing he had been raped at some stage during the night.
Detective Sergeant Gary Milligan, of Palmerston North CIB, said police were called to investigate an alleged sexual violation in the barracks, but found evidence of a lesser offence.
"As a result of the enquiry an 18-year-old soldier was arrested and charged with indecently assaulting a 17-year-old soldier," he said."

Getting covered with vaseline by a platoon of soldiers sounds like a grand night out to me. But boys, please, Vaseline is an oil-based lubricant unsuitable for usage with a condom. If you're going to do drunk sex shenanigans, keep yourselves safe sex-wise and use a water-based lubricant. Not as much fun, I know, and it doesn't cure colds either.

And then we have to hear from another favourite setting for situational homosexuality, the boys' boarding school with this Herald news item:

"Two schoolboys have been suspended from New Zealand's oldest registered school over sexual allegations relating to other boys in its hostel.
The mother of an alleged victim told the Herald she had discovered that her 12-year-old son had been jumped on by other students of Wesley College near Pukekohe while in bed in his first weeks away from home. [...]
Wesley is a decile-two, state-integrated Methodist college. Its hostel, which is not state-integrated and thus remains a private boarding establishment, accommodates about 30 girls and 260 boys - the vast majority of the school roll.
A report by boarding manager Bill Leach, following interviews with two now-suspended students, detailed how one boy admitted "dry humping" two students over three weeks.
It continued that the other boy had said he had performed the action on five students before Easter."

He'll be punished by the church authorities for loving Jesus a little bit too much during Lent! I hadn't heard much about this "dry humping" craze before, I'm so naive in these matters! But then sex with your clothes on doesn't sound like much fun. Unless it's a jockstrap only.

ADDENDUM: There is now a "Frot Alliance" (NSFW site) to promote non-orifice-centred sex. Worth a rub.