Never fear! A group of concerned citizens is watching all those movies and after editing them for any sins listed above, they are being reviewed for your family's benefit (your kids, that is, not your buddies you go out drinking and clubbing with at Family on K Road) - and possibly still being rejected as suitable viewing. I mean after all that filtering, re-editing, rating and reviewing you'd think there'd be no films left to be watched.
Some reviews and ratings at Dove.org are just hilarious. Take "Jarhead":
Content Description:Based on all that information it seems a film worth watching because it certainly pushes all my buttons! Why can't I get content descriptions as succinct, graphic and to the point like that on the IMDB film's content site?
Sex: men mimic having sex; man and women shown in bed together; man and woman graphically shown having sex; man shown masturbating; there is a lot of dialog about masturbation; video graphically showing couple having sex
Language: f-263; slang term for intercourse; s-61; slang for penis-5; b-4; a-10; d*mn-3; J-7; OMG-2; GD-5; slang for woman's vagina-4; slang for men's testicles-2;
Violence: man shot in head; many burned bodies shown; men bombed; man's head is hit against a wall; men are branded; men fight each other.
Drugs: smoking; men drinking;
Nudity: man's bottom shown; men shown naked in shower (front and back); women showed naked during sex scenes.
Other: men shown urinating; men shown throwing up
But the really funny thing about the Dove site is the way their reviewers reveal their own naive view of the world if you only want to look a it in Christian terms: where soldiers going to war sing hymns rather than whore and cuss (and shower naked together), where American military adventures abroad are seen as Crusades rather than secular imperialism:
"When I left the theatre I spoke to a couple of older looking men who were veterans and both of them liked the film. They thought it was realistic and found the acting to be good. They didn't seem bothered by the graphic elements of the film. I asked them if they found the film depressing and they said "yes, its war, but depressing is different than realistic". I found it surprising that older men, especially veterans, would enjoy this film. Jarhead was very unflattering towards our military, but then again maybe that is the reality of life as a Marine. If it is, it is certainly a sad commentary of our armed forces, how they act, speak and what occupies their time and thoughts."Thank god for old soldiers and young jarheads!