April 27, 2006

The fastest shooter in the West

It was a long weekend due to commemorations of lost battles past on April 25 and holidays owing due to Easter, so what with all the crappy rainy weather a beeline was made to some snuggling in on the couch and watch some movies. It turned out to be a Heath Ledger weekend, when Ewen went to see Brokeback Mountain with some mates - I really can't be bothered with it - and Rialto Channel screened two other films he's in:

Two Hands (1999): a hilarious Australian gangster movie set in really sultry Sydney. I bet tourists never envisage Sydney and Bondi to look like it did in this film: all sweaty bodies, oppressive nighttime and gangsters in nylon shorts and jandals. Heath plays an amateur boxer with an eye on becoming part of the local King's Cross boss's gang. He looked rather magnificent in his green wife beater and blue patterned budgie smuggler. A sweaty tattoed bod does become him. I always had him down as a "Home & Away" boy, and he has been in that soap, which is a little sweatier than the Weetbix-insipid "Neighbours".
The film is really worth watching for its combination of sardonic humour and nasty violence - the drowning scene is expected to give me nightmares soon.
Totty awards: Country girl love interest city brother and tattooed streetkid (left in this group picture)

Monster's Ball (2001): Forget about Halle Berry's "notorious" sex scene for which she got the Oscar: if sex scenes were the measure to win Oscars my shelves would be groaning. No, our Heath steals the show here too, because when he disappears halfway through the film, you could safely switch off (which would spare you Ms Berry's writhings) and still savour the film's subject matters of racism, the death penalty and oppression within the family unit.
But what really made us guffaw on our couch was Heath Ledger's opening scene where he meets a prostitute in a sleazy motel room for their regular tryst. It surely must rank as one of the movie history's shortest sex scenes: from arousal to deflation in less than two minutes, including a drink beforehand and a wash afterwards. I mean, speak of rising to the occasion, it sure wasn't obvious in his demeanour - or swelling in his camo pants - that he was glad to see her. Humping her doggy style over the table must have been hotter than his efforts on Jake's arse as it only took nanoseconds before he hauled up his white underpants again over his fetching backside - they hadn't even been fully pulled down for the full delectation we old perverts are accustomed to. And how did his dick go down so fast to be able to stuff it back into his pants without any risk it'd get caught in the zipper? He truly is the fastest shooter in the West. I hope Jake got more satisfaction out of him in the tent on that mountain.

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