February 14, 2006

Sex in the news

News item:
Two bisexual Premiership stars made some VERY dirty phone calls—using a mobile as a gay sex toy. The players—one capped several times for England—were caught on camera cavorting with a pal well known in the music industry in a homosexual orgy that will shock soccer. The three men—who cannot be identified for legal reasons—are pictured wearing just vests and boxer shorts as they tackle each other in ways fans never expected.
For the fashion-illiterate among you: a vest is a wifebeater. A very fashionable item, unlike the boxer shorts.
In the astonishing pictures Player A—a household name who has a reputation as a rebel on and off the pitch—shoves his mobile down his boxers. He performs a sex act with it which is too obscene to be described here.
Oh, please, we're all consenting adults here, you can tell us. I remember a performance artist here in Auckland during a gig shoving his mobile phone up his arse and then asked a member of the public to call his number. Great fun!
Then Player B calls his number to make the phone vibrate. Player A is also pictured on the bed while Player B—a multi-million pound goal-scoring mid-fielder—kneels to perform oral sex on him. Meanwhile the music man can also be seen leaning over the pair, kissing and caressing the footballers, who play for different sides.
If you're familiar with the tribalism of English football, you know you are only allowed to kiss your team mates, full on the lips, perhaps even with tongues, to congratulate him for scoring a goal. Kissing a member of the opposite team is tantamount to treason. So this episode of the orgy will have fans seething - never mind the arse phone games, I'm sure most football fans have thought about doing that at one time or another.
Soon it was like something out of a hard core porn film.
"One (Player A) lay on the bed while his mate (Player B) knelt down beside him and gave him a **** ***. Soon his (Player A's) face was contorted with pleasure. "When all this was going on, the music bloke was leaning all over them both, kissing and stroking every bit of flesh he could get to.
Why the asterisks? Don't these tabloid editors know we are adept at word sudoku? And doesn't the hack know how pleasurable a blow job is since he's surpised at the contorted faces (it's called "sex face" on Big Brother)
"You can see he's urging (Player B) to ring him. He must have had the vibrate alert on. (Player B) then gets out his phone and rings him again and again while (Player A) closes his eyes." In the set of images Player A seems to be the leader in the hardcore sex games while the music man is mainly content to watch.
"They were so relaxed with each other it looked like this wasn't the first time," said our source. "It wouldn't surprise me if they'd had each other's numbers before."
Well, it all sounds they had a thoroughly good time, away from the stress and pressures of the football field and footballers' girlfriends, able to relax in a truly manly atmosphere. One thing though: I don't think they wil invite the one back who took and then sold the pictures to the newspaper. But I bet the News of the World hack would love to join in one day.

News item via Oh La La Paris.

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