Sex in the news

Another fantastic news story involving those favourite leisure pastimes of men: sport and sex.

"Four England rugby players are facing claims that they took part in a sexual assault during a raucous party at their hotel in New Zealand."

The Times headlined its story as a "rowdy party". In New Zealand that kind of thing is called a "Ropati". But in all it's obviously not as "bad" as it sounds:

"Although police sources have indicated that the claims may include an allegation of rape, no formal complaint has been received. Unless one is made they cannot formally pursue the allegations, nor identify the players."

So what is the fuss all about?

"Players are reported to have gathered in the Pony Club, a nightclub near the Hilton Hotel, where the squad was staying. The club, formerly a male striptease venue, is a well-known haunt of local celebrities and sportsmen."

I'm not sure whether the Times meant the venue used to be a place where guys stripped or a strip club frequented by men. Either way would do the modern sportsman anyway.

"A 22-year-old New Zealander, named only as "Angel" (in another report, helpfully listed under "Rugby News", she is called "Angel Barbie"), further claimed that she and five other women had met six England players at the club. Each had accompanied a player back to the Hilton in the early hours of Sunday morning."

Lucky bitches.

"She said that she had spent the evening with one of the players, though she refused to give his name."

I never tend to ask names of my trade either. It just avoids awkwardness the morning after. Who remembers names anyway? And it's usually the least interesting aspect of them.

"She said that the following morning he had left to attend a compulsory hydrotherapy session at 9am, part of the squad’s recovery programme, and returned to bed 45 minutes later."

Freshly scrubbed and douched and ready for another round! You gotta love the Hilton's attention to detail for its guests.

"Shortly after that, four players had burst into the bedroom and tried to rip the sheets off the bed, before running out laughing, she said."

In the other report

"Angel Barbie said she believed the players went to other rooms where women had slept with players and also pulled the duvets off their semi-naked bodies. They were doing the rounds."

No word, sadly, about the condition the men were in - apart from being scrubbed and douched. News reporting isn't up to scratch these days. We need to be told all the details.
So tell me again where the scandal is?