March 29, 2011

Sex in the political news

If you thought New Zealand politics is no fun, think again.
Labour MP Darren Hughes resigned from Parliament yesterday as witness reports emerged of a distressed, naked man on the street near Mr Hughes' Wellington home on the night a youth complained to police about an incident of a sexual nature.
Note the coy reporting, the vagueness of the words 'distress' (does it mean he lost his hardon?); a 'youth' (the guy in question is 18, of legal sexual and drinking age); 'incident of a sexual nature' (this could cover anything from fumbled flashing to naked mud wrestling)
One witness told 3 News a flustered man, matching a description of the complainant, was near the Mt Victoria tunnel around 5 o'clock on the morning in question.
"He was standing there with one hand over his private parts and the other hand with his thumb out, hitch-hiking," the witness said.
"I thought, 'Oh boy, the husband's come home and it's a quick exit'."
That is quite an astute witness report, with details of place, poise and motivation all vividly described. Earlier reports say the (presumably fully clothed) youth and the MP had been going out drinking around Wellington and ended up at Annette King's house where Mr Hughes boards.
Since the police have not issued any further information, it's time to speculate on what should be investigated:
- why did the youth wait until 5am before deciding it was a good idea to make a quick getaway?
- if you're at someone's house naked, one can safely presume you are there willingly for a party of a sexual nature;
- I can understand distress could be caused by the sight of carrot-coloured pubes (Mr Hughes is a ginga) but one should get over that as soon as possible in life;
- we have all walked the Walk of Shame after a night of disappointing hookups (especially at age 18), but that is really no reason to leave your clothes on the floor. Moving on means not leaving baggage behind.
- Wellington at 5am is not really a place for naturist games when a stiff southerly is blowing. No wonder he only needed one hand to cover his privates.


Elly said...

I hate a mystery. If you ever find out why this young man didn't have time to grab his pants before he escaped the alleged clutches of the MP in question, do let me know.

Do you know Tucker Max the American sex blogger? He told a story about a liason with a woman that ended with her leaving his place in the early hours, without her clothes too. And the explanation I bet even you would not have thought of... but I will let you find that link for yourself I don't want to be responsible for corrupting innocent minds.


Hans Versluys said...

The matter is still under police investigation and unfortunately there have been no further details yet. But yes, rest assured we will get to the naked truth about it one day.

Hans Versluys said...

UPDATE 8 June: Police have decided no charges will be laid against Darren Hughes. Meanwhile a political career lies in ruin.