The political compass

The Political Compass test shows you where you are on a two dimensional (left-right / authoritarian-libertarian) chart.
My score was Economic Left/Right: -3.75 and Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.33, which on the graph looks like this:
Comparing my score to international figures, I'm in rare company as the left-libertarian quadrant isn't well populated with politicos. I'm somewhere between the august company of Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama.

Of course, you know me more as a libertine.

No way: I'm a lady!

Which Disney Villain Are You?
	You are Lady Tremaine. You're the evil stepmother little girls have nightmares about. Hooray for you, who helped kids learn to love their birth parents and do everything possible to avoid stepparents. Next time, though, be careful not to get in between a girl and her dreams.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Not that I have ever heard of Lady Tremaine, but it sounds like she could be married to the baby-eating Bishop of Bath & Wells.
UPDATE: Apparently, Lady Tremaine is Cinderella's evil stepmother. Great, I'd use a range of dildos on Prince Charming after midnight.
Oh, and in the "Which Springfield resident are you?" test I'm Krusty The Clown. Go figure.

What sexual nationality are you?

A test [flash] on a commercial site promoting a sexual lubricant, but hey, it's one that had me on the floor laughing. I wished the passport control customs officer was like her instead of the tin pot Napoleon I encountered on my last visit to Britain.

I'm apparently 86% French in bed: "For you, love making is a performance art. A form of highbrow expression every bit as rich, complex and meaningful as cinema, literature or ballet."

Not a bad assessment, methinks.
Oh, and play it a few times, the questions vary.

Outside the comfort zone

24%

I'm sure when the moment arrives we all act and react differently to what we get assessed as by a silly questionnaire. So yes, I will now start thinking about what part of your body I would eat in an emergency.

12 months of politicking ahead, oh joy!

Next year there will be general elections in New Zealand and the United States, so we better get the fun bits out of the way before the nasty stuff starts.
USA Today has a nifty little test for you where they ask you questions and then match your views with a presidential candidate.
It turns out I should be voting for Dennis Kucinich, a fair enough choice for my case, I think. It was far more disconcerting to see the runner up choices for me would be Republicans Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee.

UPDATE: I've redone the test because I forgot to set the sliders. Now my result is 1. Kucinich, 2. Rudy Giuliani, 3. Mike Gravel

The blog readability test

You don't have to be a brain box but it helps.
P.s. Updated the rating from Undergraduate level.

Who on earth wants to be an Australian?

Further evidence that Australia and New Zealand are living in parallel universes: the annual tribal youth cultures jamboree, a.k.a. The Big Day Out, in New Zealand passed without notice, while in Australia it has been marred by ugly scenes of "patriots" forcing bystanders to kiss the Australian flags they had draped around their sweaty and red-necked bodies, or risk being beaten up as un-Australians. Nothing like that would ever happen in New Zealand. Ever. So never confuse Australians and New Zealanders when you meet them. Just like you would never want to mix up Americans with Canadians.

Now there is a website to measure your political position in Ozzie terms. (Thank you No Right Turn) And my results are actually not far off the mark at all:
- Political outlook: Your broad political orientation score is -43.3%, which equates to a ‘Left’ position
- Economic policy: Your economic policy score score is -3%. This equates to a ‘Centre’ position
- Social policy: Your social policy score is -47.7%. This equates to a ‘Left’ position
- Traditional values: Your traditional values score is -78.5%. This equates to a ‘Far Left’ position

As a high tax band reasonably well off homosexual my economic leftism is necessarily tempered by the fact that in return for paying taxes I get relatively little back - certainly far less than breeding couples who get masses of family support, which in essence I actually pay for. Never mind, a child is reared by a whole village, not just its family.
I am certainly pleased that in none of the categories I score on the Tory side of the spectrum.

The 8 modern tribes of New Zealand

Your dominant tribe is Grey Lynn

You're dedicated to the idea of making a difference and living in a principled way. You love culture and ideas.

The Grey Lynn Tribe - Intellectual

The highly educated intelligentsia who value ideas above material things and intellectualise every element of their lives. Their most prized possession is a painting by the artist of the moment, they frequent film festivals, secretly wish they had more gay and Maori friends, feel guilty about discussing property values and deep down are uneasy about their passion for rugby.
More about the Grey Lynn Tribe here.

This is such a hoot. I might not live in Grey Lynn - it's a hole without a seaview, and all the gay and creative boys have moved to Kingsland (it should be renamed Queensland soon) - I actually work there, and the general stereotype rings true:
I have some original paintings by island artists du jour; have been to tons of film festivals, but I certainly don't need to wish for more gay or Maori friends. I don't feel guilty about property price talk, it's just a very boring thing to do. And I'm certainly easy about rugby, I mean look at this.

Perhaps the test missed out on a 9th Tribe: Waiheke Islanders, combining the best - and worst - of all the characteristics: from aspirational propertarians who hate the idea of common land, to ethics-spouting communitarians, who wish to change the world, one island at a time.

You can do the 8 Tribes test

Which Greek God are you?

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Athena
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That's not a bad outcome at all. Athena is one cool goddess. Apollo would have been great too. As long as those boys do their offerings in their "gymnos" gear.

Knowing your Ps from your Qs

Which punctuation mark are you test result:

hyphen You scored 38% Sociability and 47% Sophistication!

You are comfortable around others. While you don't have to go out every night, yet you take pride in being easy to get along with. This should not, however, be misconstrued as believing (as many do) that you are without subtlety. In fact, you have the power to inform the anal retentive that, indeed, they are discussing an anal-retentive issue. Who else can do that? Quotation marks intimidate you a little bit.

I like it, especially the anal-retentive bit. It strokes my inner Aspie.

I am Al Bundy and Hillary Clinton's love child

We have diagnosed you as most likely being a member of the: Autonomous Rebels (tribal members include the Clintons, John Lennon and Martin Luther King - nuff said!)

You also show a similarity to the following tribe(s): Disengaged Darwinists (tribe includes Al Bundy and Paul Martin - where are these survey people coming from?)

In Catherine Tate's East End Nan Taylor's immortal words: "What a f***ing liberty".

Which member of the Carry On Team am I?

UK TV re-running various Carry On films had us at times spewing, guffawing and simply helpless with laughter.
So which character do I resemble?

Which member of the Carry On Team are you?

Joan Sims. You are immensly versatile. You can be a nagging old bag one minute and a super sexy vamp the next. You are happy behind a bar whether it be a pub with Sid James or a Saloon in Stodge city. What a holster!
Take this quiz!

Versatile? Definitely.

What is your perfect major?

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing. Journalism 83% Biology 75% Dance 75% Philosophy 67% Sociology 67% English 67% Anthropology 67% Chemistry 67% Engineering 58% Mathematics 58% Linguistics 50% Psychology 50% Theater 42% Art 42% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

Not exactly what turned out to be my major 30 years ago (first sociology, then development economics) and I think I would have sucked at journalism. I'm amazed I scored so low for Art, considering my BA Sociology thesis was about punk rock. But maybe the test reflects my current priorities decades after what I aspired to as a would-be student.
I also think that journalism shouldn't be taught as a major, only as a minor degree because journalists' first duty should be to master their subject and then hone their writing craft, not the other way round as is usually the case. Hence the shoddy journalism in much of the media. Blogging included.

What European city do I belong in?

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam. Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

What European City Do You Belong In?

Oh those memes. It's not too bad a choice as it's a great place to visit but I would never want to live in Amsterdam. Actually I have lived for 27 years within a reasonable train ride distance from Amsterdam. Highly recommended.

My inner celebrity

The good folks over at My Heritage have developed face recognition software that allows you to upload your own face picture and searches for any celebrity face matches to your own.
My number one match was Matthew Fox (pictured left), a outcome, I think, most flattering but I'm unsure whether he would think the same thing. I have never heard of him since I do not watch the "Lost" TV series. The only things we have in common, according to his biography, are having a pretty face and a liking for punk rock.

Mind you, it could have been worse, Rod Stewart was #5 in the face-off list. I count myself lucky.

The only "celebrity" I have been compared to, and this was a long, long time ago, was Howard Devoto (pictured right).

It may be difficult to comprehend but sometimes the Dutch really do get it right

They recently introduced one of the toughest and challenging citizenship application tests to make sure only people who really, really, really want to come to the Netherlands to live know what the Dutch are like, what they are into and what newcomers are expected to put up with once they have arrived.
The test, according to the Dutch Justice Ministry, requires about 250-300 hours of study - this presuming you actually and actively can speak and understand Dutch to sit the test in the first place. The first part of a test is here if you feel ready to take it now.
I scored 67%, which is actually in line with what a group of Dutch citizens got when they sat the test at a Festival. Those that failed the test were counselled by foreign embassy representatives willing to assist them as asylum seekers. All in good fun, of course.
Some have seized on the content of the accompanying DVD that embassies distribute to new migrants, showing a general and specific introduction to the Netherlands and its lifestyle. Since it contains footage of day-to-day occurences, such as topless sun bathing and male-on-male kissing, it is alleged this is to frighten off any religious fundamentalists from going there. Since a number of countries (including the USA, Canada, Japan, Australia and New Zealand) are exempt from the test it's fair to think the DVD will do its work on people coming from less enlightened, non-western societies. But it would be a good idea to run it past any US red state citizens and Lebanese Australians who not long ago rioted against topless sunbathing on Cronulla beach.
It would be a good idea for New Zealand to adopt a similar get-to-know-us DVD for potential migrants, featuring Hero parade floats, Waiheke Island's Nudie Bay and yodelling lesbian twin sisters.
Perhaps that would have scared off such creepy undesirables as Brian Tamaki and Ian Wishart, and made them seek asylum in Howard Land.

Team America: F*** yeah!

There really was no escape from eventually watching "Team America: World Police", especially since I am such a fan of Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlett - the puppet versions, naturellement. I've always suspected Col. White was the boss of Lt Green, the way the Col. always expected his every whim attended to. And for Scarlett and Blue, well, they were spending so much time cooped up in their ship voluntarily even the usual excuse of situational homosexuality didn't really stick.
I was curious whether it would be as campily funny as the Gerry Anderson art work, and, of course, it was not: it was all rather crude and predictable once the premise of "trying to offend everyone" has been made clear. On the other hand the film was technically and cinematically done gorgeously.
If only they had some funny Brits working on the script it would have been twice as funny. The so-called controversial puppetry sex scenes I thought were rather vapid and tame. I mean, how hard is it for puppets to get wood? Surely there would have been gags lurking in there, but no, on screen sex apparrently (judging by the sheer number of mentions of this scene in film reviews) is taken very seriously. Not much, though, about the hilarious gay blowjob scene.
At the other end, the vomit scene was done better in Meet the Feebles.

My gaydar was going off hugely when watching the accompanying interview with Trey Parker and the behind the scenes documentaries on the DVD extras. All those gay/homo/homophobia references, also very noticeable in South Park, point to a knowing.
I was disappointed that one scene was cut: where Gary comes up after giving his boss a blowjob to prove he's with them (I shudder to think President Bush will instigate a similar test to prove your loyalty and patriotism) and the boss says: "You're gay now".
If only one had scenes like that in action movies involving Vin Diesel of Bruce Willis in that situation, it may make them watching worth my while. Vin wiping his chin after a blowjob would be worth the admission price by itself.

You can establish "how f***ing American are you?" here.
Here's my score:

Too right!

2005 was Einstein Year.

Create your own billboard here.

I never thought I would score anything different

You fit in with: Atheism Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people. 50% scientific. 60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Smart Aleck Alert

The BBC has all sorts of high school tests here, scroll down to the weekly curriculum test. I got 9/12 for French, 19/20 for English, 11/12 for history, 11/14 for geography, 6/10 for physics, 15/20 for maths and a terrible 4/12 for Dickens and biology. No wonder I never made it as a gardener (or historical novel writer)