Bonding in the news

The Australian Olympic swimming team was paraded on international TV (and in the newspaper) to confess about the "bonding" they did prior to the competition. It consisted of going to a movie, having dinner together, spinning swimming yarns while having a few beers, talking a sleeping pill and be in bed by 10.30pm.
I reckon they were in dire need of a director of bonding (me) instead of public humiliation, to make sure future sessions involved speedos, condoms, shaving gear and a couple of tubes of Veet to sort the men from the boys.
And if they had won a shitload of medals, nobody would have batted an eyelid.

FINA to ban hi tech swimsuits

The wardrobe malfunction by Ricky Berens is not the reason why the International Swimming Federation is banning the hi-tech swimsuits.
But he proved that swimming bare-cracked wins championships.

So the FINA should order all swimmers to go bare-assed. It would work wonders for viewing figures too.

A win-win-win situation for all!

I can no longer be silent

This abominable trend really has to be quashed. For the sake of audiences and the appeal of the sport on worldwide television, it simply has to stop lest even more young people will take up sedentary activities with dire health consequences.
We are talking about the new Speedo costumes for competitive swimming. For a while now we have seen the traditional budgie smugglers being replaced by long johns and full body suits, and now Speedo has developed an even more slick swimsuit, the LZR Racer - look Ma, no seams! - that is making records tumble faster than any doping (or East German hormones) could in the past.

But at what cost - and we're not only talking the $800 retail price here?
Will boys no longer have to ensure their bodies are perfect to take part in competitive swimming, since the suit has "abdominal support"? Will swimming traditions such as lovingly shaving your (our your team mate's) body become redundant? (Nothing quite aides team bonding as much as having a razor sharp object wielded by your team mate hovering near your sensitive bits) Will gay contact ads no longer be able to sport the moniker "swimmer's body"?

I demand a return to the Olympic ideals of yore: naked, males only and no team sports. Western civilisation has never been the same since those principles were abandoned.

Of course, garments like that have perfectly valid place in society, and the new Speedo suits would be great attire to wear at non-vanilla sex clubs. But you can find less costly alternatives for that. It's dark there anyway and who wants to lick Speedo logos?